CelebScoop: Celebrities Most Ripe for Breakdowns

NAME:
Denise Richards

BREAKDOWN LIKELINESS:
Don't bet on a race horse, bet on Denise.

WHY:
Aside from not having a role that people gave a shit about since "Wild Things", her off-screen life appears to be in berserk mode. After filing for divorce from Charlie Sheen, she goes after her friend's ex-husband, washed-up rocker Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi? As if that's not enough, we next see her looking completely cracked out and performing in a giant champagne glass for the Pussycat Dolls. Between her newfound leather gear and Sambora's, they could form a horrific glam band like the world has never seen. If this doesn't easily spell out all the signs of an oncoming breakdown, nothing will.
NAME:
Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt

BREAKDOWN LIKELINESS:
If infants can have mental breakdowns, this one's guaranteed.

WHY:
Because this kid is still fresh out of mom's womb, and has already received more attention than the son of God. If Macaulay Culkin's stardom from the "Home Alone" films resulted in his playing a transvestite in a movie with Marilyn Manson, just imagine what's gonna happen with this kid who's been famous from BIRTH.
NAME: Bai Ling

BREAKDOWN LIKELINESS:
Her outfits actually suggest she has breakdowns on a daily basis, but we're waiting for the big one that sends her into the unknown.

WHY:
"I often feel like I have this spirit living inside of me, always dressing in like short mini skirts." That's an actual quote from Bai Ling. She's already been in a mental hospital before (no joke) and it appears as though they let her out long before she finished her therapy.


NAME: Martin Short

BREAKDOWN LIKELINESS:
Oh yeah, big time, I must say"

WHY:
Ah, who can forget Short's classic characters such as "Ed Grimley" on SCTV or "Ned Nederlander" from Three Amigos ? Yeah well, those times have long since passed, and what remains in the shell of a man who somehow thought Primetime Glick was a good idea. Even after the show was canceled, he was all about making it into a movie - which failed too. He'll be hitting bottom soon, and when he does, it's highly likely that "Glick" will turn out to be part of Short's multiple-personality disorder. Glick will then kill off all the other personalities, including Short.
NAME: Joe Rogan

BREAKDOWN LIKELINESS:
He works in reality TV, what do you think?

WHY:
Because when asked about Joe Rogan, most people answer, "Who's Joe Rogan?"

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