7 Great Men in History (And Why You Should Hate Them)

Historical Figure: J. Edgar Hoover

What He's Remembered For
Hoover headed the FBI through eight presidential administrations, helped out during the Depression and World War II and received several awards including an honorary knighthood from King George VI.

Why You Should Hate Him
Most people already hate J. Edgar, so perhaps it would be more important to explain why else you should hate him: He told Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to kill himself.

Hoover once asked to meet with Dr. King for lunch, and King refused. Apparently, Hoover was so furious that he made it his mission to destroy his career and life. He sent a package to Dr. King's house in which he politely requested that, in 34 days, he kill himself or else. King, just as politely, declined.

Once King was assassinated, Hoover and his cronies started rumors that the shooter was the husband of one of King's many, many mistresses. To add insult to injury, Hoover presumably did all of this while wearing a sundress.

The country was so disgusted with his behavior that President Lyndon B. Johnson decided to let Hoover continue serving in his incredibly influential and well-paid position as head of the FBI, despite having reached the mandatory retirement age.

Honorable Mention: Lyndon B. Johnson (see above)

Historical Figure: Franklin Delano Roosevelt

What He's Remembered For
F.D.R is the only president to serve more than two terms and continues to rank in the top five greatest presidents of all time. He is almost universally accepted as one of, if not the, greatest president in American history. Roosevelt steered us through the Depression and a war while developing a strong rapport with his public through his intimate Fireside Chats.

Why You Should Hate Him
Most people don't know this, but F.D.R couldn't fucking walk. We'll let that sink in. Seriously, go ahead and do a Google Image search of F.D.R; that's not a chair he's sitting on. It's a chair with wheels. A wheelchair. Oh, also, he was married to his cousin and cheated on her with his secretary. But, back on task: a fucking wheelchair? It's a good thing the American people have wised up since then.

Historical Figure: Thomas Edison

What He's Remembered For
Invented radio, microwaves, primitive radar systems, the lightbulb and electricity

Why You Should Hate Him
He did not invent the light bulb. Edison was not the smartest scientist around-not by a long shot. He did, however, hire a brilliant man named Nikola Tesla, who luckily was.

Tesla is responsible for radio, microwaves, primitive radar systems and the electricity we use today, which Edison gets credit for. The truth is that Edison hired Tesla to redesign his electrical generators. Tesla did, but when he asked for the $50,000 he was promised, Edison replied, and this is a direct quote, "Tesla, you don't understand our American humor," and paid him only in middle fingers.

Tesla quit and tried to strengthen his electrical discoveries in an effort to provide free energy for the entire world, but Edison and his thugs at General Electric devoted time not spent on stealing patents to making sure that the rest of the scientific community thought Tesla was crazy and dangerous. Tesla died alone and in serious amounts of debt. Edison died on a pile of money in a "Suck it, Tesla" T-shirt that he did not design.

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