Okay, we admit this one didn't make the finals, but consider this a public service announcement: Vampires Are Alive in Helsinki... And Their Dancing Is SYNCHRONIZED!
Be afraid. At least we know what Bud Bundy's been up to since Married with Children got canceled.[subtitle]#4. France - "L'Amour La Française"[/subtitle]
A bunch of dudes with ponytails prancing around in pink scarves and angel wings-this doesn't play into any French stereotypes at all.
More importantly, what's up with the bald guy? Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to find him perched next to your bed, staring at you. That would be almost as horrifying as this performance. But there could be a good use for this band of Frenchies: make them share a house with Slayer and turn it into a reality show.[subtitle]#3. Belarus - "Work Your Magic"[/subtitle]
Hey, it's James Bond! Except he's not cool or good-looking and can't kick anyone' ass!
Okay, we'll admit that the intro for "Work Your Magic" had us for
a second before anyone actually opened their mouths, but once the Bond-meets-Dieter-from-Sprockets
ran thin, we were too busy lying on the floor doubled over with laughter
to summon up the magic to turn off the volume. If your only knowledge
of Eastern Europe comes from shows like Taxi and Perfect
Strangers, you probably assume every guy over there is exactly like
[subtitle]#2. UK - "Flying the Flag (for You)"[/subtitle]
Good lord. Because stewardesses and, uh, male stewardesses aren't annoying enough, let's give them cordless mics. Really though, this song is so bad, it verges on crossing the line from funny to unbearable. It does bring to mind a certain quote from The Big Lebowski, though: "Nothing is fucked? The goddamn plane has crashed into the mountain!"
#1. Ukraine - "Dancing Lasha Tumbai"
In a shocking turn of events, this one is actually funny on purpose, since the woman-thing singing is actually a performance artist-basically the Ukranian Sacha Baron Cohen. And that's all you really need to know, because nothing we say can be funnier than this performance.