A CRACKED Guide toFuturistic Super Drugs

Every movie set in the not-so-distant future contains a number of the same elements: a corrupt Big Brother-esque government, flying cars and super potent drugs. And while that whole Big Brother thing is just totally outlandish (right?) and fueling up a flying car would probably cost a year' salary these days, we're a little disappointed that the whole super drug thing hasn't come to pass.

In honor of summer, the season of drug addled outdoor concerts, CRACKED presents a short, handy guide to the super drugs predicted in some classic sci-fi flicks and the likelihood that you will ever get to take them.


Movie: A Clockwork Orange

Drug: Milk spiked with vellocet and synthemesc

How It Was Ingested: Drunk in a creepy bar

What It Did: "Sharpened you up and made you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence." Basically, it turned you into a raping and stabbing maniac.

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: On the one hand, the effects of the spiked milk sound an awful lot like meth. On the other hand, from what we've seen in toothless mug shots, we're pretty certain that meth addicts don't get a whole lot of calcium.


Movie: Sleeper

Drug: That Orb

How It Was Ingested: You just held on to it

What It Did: Made you all tingly

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: The closest you're likely to come to approximating the experience of "that orb" is going to Spencer Gifts, using one hand to hold onto one of those balls that make your hair stand up while using your free hand and the Cindy Crawford posters in the back to discretely jerk off.


Movie: Scanners

Drug: Ephemerol

How It Was Ingested: Orally

What It Did: Increased telekinetic powers, gave you the ability to make someone' head explode

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: That time you took acid at the Alman Brothers concert you were convinced you had telekinetic powers and that you could make your friend' head explode. However, once you came down you realized it was the three-note, 47-minute solos that made your friend' head explode.


Movie: Minority Report

Drug: Neuroin

How It Was Ingested: Just like an asthma inhaler

What It Did: Makes you rant and rave about the evils of psychiatry and jump up and down on couches on national TV.

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Apparently, it has already been invented so not bad.



Movie: Robocop 2

Drug: Nuke

How It Was Ingested: Don't remember, but we're pretty sure that it glowed

What It Did: Made you bat-shit insane

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: This one kid we know took E before a rave and then put a glow stick in his mouth while he was grinding his teeth and all of the glow-in-the-dark filling leaked out into his mouth. That' pretty much like "Nuke," but we doubt it'll catch on.


Movie: Prayer of the Rollerboys

Drug: Mist

How It Was Ingested: Smoked out of a machine that sort of looked like an IV

What It Did: Made you K-Fed lazy

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Only if you can figure out how to make a bong out of your diabetic uncle' IV, which took us like three hours.


Movie: New Jack City

Drug: Crack

How It Was Ingested: Smoked

What It Did: Only used by poor city dwellers, it made them close their eyes and say "Oh shit." It also, for whatever reason, made the people who sold it dress in outlandish clothing and try to kill one another.

Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: If you're going to a Whitney Huston show the chances are pretty good, actually.

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