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9 Superhero Powers That Would Be More Trouble Than They're Worth

#3.
Matter-eating

DC Comics has, for decades, published comics featuring a group of characters called the Legion of Superheroes. Taking place 1,000 years in the future, the team is comprised of teenaged crime fighters from all over the galaxy. One of the rules of membership is that your special power can't duplicate another team member's power-presumably it's the superhero equivalent of showing up at a party wearing the same dress or something.

Forgetting for a second how incredibly stupid this rule is-why turn down a team full of super-strong, super-fast badasses just so you can hire the guy who can make his feet expand? In real-world comic publishing terms, it made for a wide variety of unusual (and increasingly ridiculous) superheroes. The most unlikely on the list? That would be Matter-Eater Lad, the dude whose superpower was that he could eat... well, anything. Trees, metal bars, radioactive materials, laser beams from ray guns and anything else you put in front of his mouth and weren't afraid of losing. Yes, as everyone else flew into action, punching away or shooting energy beams from their hands or whatever, Matter-Eater Lad would fight intergalactic super-crime by having a snack. We can only hope his digestive system was very, very efficient, since Matter-Elimination Lad's leavings could be unpleasant at best, hazardous at worst.

#2.
Magnetism

More trouble than it's worth, frankly. For one, you're gonna screw up all your credit cards.

Two, you better have some good control over it, otherwise whenever you use it on, say, a mugger to grab his knife, you're going to get every car bumper, filling, necklace, manhole, lamppost, etc. speeding directly at your not-invulnerable face. Plus, you'll probably end up screwing up everyone else's credit cards, too, so we hope you love lawsuits.


#1.
Being" Aquaman

Yeah, we know, everyone makes fun of Aquaman, despite having some pretty cool powers-breathing underwater, talking to fish-but still, it's fucking Aquaman. Poor bastard just doesn't get a break. If you can help it, don't be him.

So, ultimately, there are only four good superpowers: flight, strength, speed and invisibility. Aside from getting the FAA on your back, always having people ask you to help them move, getting speeding tickets and the risk of arrest for being a voyeur, those powers have absolutely no drawbacks whatsoever.

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