5 Badass Movie Characters You Didn't Know Were Real People

We could go on and on about all the ways Hollywood fucks up movies supposedly based on true stories. There's nothing Hollywood does worse than realism.

But it works the other way, also. It turns out some of the most grossly unrealistic characters--from over-the-top crime bosses to gimmicky serial killers to flamboyant, wise-cracking cops--were based on real people. Characters like...

In the Badass Olympics, there is one badass who takes the competition, shoves a .44 Magnum into their face, growls something Batman-esque and proceeds to paint the sidewalk with their cranial matter. That man is Harry Callahan, and even if you've got a prostate the size of Antarctica, you can be damn sure you'll be pissing your pants when he comes to town.

In the first Dirty Harry film, Clint Eastwood's Callahan was an inspector for the San Francisco Police Department. When he wasn't busy killing hippies and trying to preserve what little masculinity was left in that city, he was on the trail of Scorpio, a depraved serial killer who loved to taunt the police. Since no one taunts Harry Callahan and gets away with it, he'd pretty much signed his own death warrant at that point.

Yeah, kind of a mismatch.

The Real Guy: Dave Toschi

As it turns out, Dirty Harry, one of the baddest motherfuckers ever to grace the screen, was inspired by this dude on the left:

Well, that bow tie is pretty awesome.

Dave Toschi was, like Dirty Harry, an inspector in the San Francisco Police Department and, strangely, Dirty Harry wasn't the first--or last--time somebody would work him into a movie. The flamboyant-even-for-San-Francisco cop would serve as the inspiration for 1968's Bullitt, in which the main character (Steve McQueen's Frank Bullitt) was based on Toschi, complete with an upside-down quick-draw shoulder holster.

It was actually in the couple of years after Bullitt when Toschi would gain nationwide fame as one of the investigators tracking down the real-life Zodiac killer. For the second time, Toschi made such an impression that a Hollywood writer ran home and tried to work him into a screenplay.

Thus, in 1971, Toschi would see another fictionalized version of himself on the silver screen, in the form of Dirty Harry, where Harry hunts down the "Scorpio" killer. The difference being that while the Zodiac case never got solved, Dirty Harry finds Scorpio and kills his fucking ass.

So were filmmakers suggesting that Toschi secretly capped the Zodiac killer in his off hours and left his body floating face-down in a quarry? Not exactly. Dirty Harry writer John Milius said the whole "shoot the fucker and save on the trial" aspect of Dirty Harry was inspired by another cop, a friend of his in Long Beach who remained unnamed, probably to avoid the wrath of Internal Affairs.

Here's where it gets bizarre: In 2007, Toschi would then see himself on screen a third time, this time under his real name, played by Mark Ruffalo in David Fincher's Zodiac.

That film actually portrays the character Toschi attending a showing of Dirty Harry. The real Toschi worked as an advisor on Zodiac, which means at some point the real Toschi attended a screening of a film portraying him, played by an actor, attending a screening of a different film portraying him, played by a different actor.

We're thinking all we need is for somebody to make a Dave Toschi biopic, where they can include a scene portraying him attending the screening of Zodiac, and then the real Toschi could attend that screening, where he would then be watching a screening of himself watching a screening of himself watching a screening of a movie about himself. Mind blown? Now imagine the Toschi biopic stars Clint Eastwood.

As the chief Irish mob boss in Boston, Jack Nicholson's Frank Costello had his work cut out for him. His responsibilities included overseeing a vague criminal empire, committing frequent Scorsese-style murders and making Matt "Jason Motherfucking Bourne" Damon his little bitch.

One has to wonder how he can pull all this mayhem off while still managing to evade capture from such law enforcement agencies as the Boston Police Department, the State Police and the FBI, considering the way he openly taunts law enforcement and basically lived the "larger than life" crime lord archetype.

Pretty much played him as the Joker minus makeup.

Of course it certainly helps that he's got a mole infiltrating the State Police. When one of the primary threats to your way of life is the interference of the cops, it's beneficial to your well-being to have one of their most trusted officers tell you exactly what they are up to.

"Hmm, Damon says 'Marky Mark's gunna fuk u up.' "

On top of that, Costello is (spoiler!) a secret FBI informant, creating a web of deceit and counter-deceit that seems a little ridiculous when you try to map it all out. Nobody could really keep that kind of scam going.

Right?

The Real Guy: James "Whitey" Bulger

Meet "Whitey" Bulger, a real Irish mob boss from Boston who had an agent on the inside acting as a mole, while he himself was an informant for the FBI.

Although The Departed is essentially a remake of the Hong Kong movie Infernal Affairs, the role of the mob boss was expanded for the Hollywood version and the setting moved to Boston, Bulger's old stomping grounds. Some old members of Bulger's crew even served as advisors for the film.

Through decades of illegal activity and gangland slayings (accompanied, presumably, by an awesome Rolling Stones soundtrack), Bulger became the most powerful underworld force in the city. Like Nicholson's character, he became notorious to the point that everyone knew who he was and what he did. Yet he still managed to stay out of jail for quite some time.

But like Costello, he informed to the FBI on those below him, all part of his "let me see how big a piece of shit I can become" campaign. In return, John Connolly, a damn FBI agent, served as a mole, providing Bulger with protection.

It was his activities as a drug trafficker which eventually led to his downfall at the hands of the DEA. But don't worry kids, he went on the run and is still out there!

And apparently looks like the pedophile from Family Guy.

As we have previously pointed out, before there was Batman, there was Zorro.

Zorro was first introduced to the world in 1919, by Johnston McCulley. Cracked first deemed Zorro culturally significant in 1998, when Catherine Zeta-Jones appeared in The Mask of Zorro.

By day, Zorro is Diego de la Vega, a wealthy but boring, self-centered loser with no ambition or interests. However, by night, Master Bru- excuse us, Diego, dons his signature costume, emerges from his underground hideout and enforces justice throughout California, punishing the criminals and evading the authorities. Zorro is athletic and sly, sly like a fox ('cause that's what his name means).

The Real Guy: Joaquin Murrieta

In the 19th century, Joaquin Murrieta was the leader of an outlaw group known as "The Five Joaquins," consisting of--and we're serious here--himself and four other dudes name Joaquin.

The gang allegedly committed numerous thefts throughout Sierra Nevada; legend has it that the group used the money to provide the impoverished people of California with assistance. Sadly, this didn't go over too well with the governor, and he created a posse to catch Murrieta and his companions.

The posse claimed to confront Murrieta, killing him, and, in the old-school style of law and order, severing his head to prove that they did the deed. Strangely, this scene was never included in the Disney television series of Zorro, though Hollywood did give a shout-out to Murrieta by including a character by that name in The Mask of Zorro (who does in fact get killed and beheaded).

Murrieta quickly became a legend and folk hero, developing a reputation as an outlaw vigilante who fought for justice. Some stories claim that his quest started when his wife was attacked, but that the white-bread establishment of the time wouldn't let him testify against her attackers.

The writers of Zorro had their inspiration, and we don't blame them. That sounds like a superhero origin story to us, too.