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So you want to be a supervillain, but you don't know where to start. Luckily, among the Internet's endless how-to articles and videos, there are countless projects that seem intended precisely for people just like you.
Don't believe us? Why else would someone want to... #6.
Make a DIY Wrist-Mounted Flamethrower
Every villain worth his salt has a really crafty weapon up his sleeve. No need to reach for a boring old pistol when you can just show your palm to your victim and suddenly spew electricity, or poison darts or, best of all, fire.
OK, How Do I Do It? Well, this first video explains the hows and whys of building the thing. You need a lighter, tubing and an aerosol can, a wrist brace and an untreated antisocial personality disorder of some kind.
There's also a second video where you can see the progression of social misfit status as he demonstrates the Pyro System 2.2, because a wrist-flamethrower that attaches to your hip for fuel is not as badass as having it contained in a single unit for handheld scorching fun.
Will It Work? The proof is in the video. It works exactly like you'd expect a wrist-mounted flamethrower to work. We guess you just have to remember not to scratch any itches or hold anything or basically use your hands in any way at all. Yeah, it's basically a clock ticking down to the point when you inevitably set yourself ablaze. So this is probably a project for full-time supervillains who are likely to have top-notch health insurance. #5.
Make your own Fusion Reactor
What supervillain doesn't want to harness the power of the sun? Oh, we're not talking about some pussy solar panels. We mean the stuff that powers the sun itself: nuclear fusion. Whether it's to melt the faces off troublesome do-gooders or simply bake a potato, fusion is the terrifying power of today's ne'er-do-well. OK, How Do I Do It? This how-to explains how to make a "Farnsworth Fusor." This high-energy device is named for Phil Farnsworth, but we prefer to think it shares its name with the wacky professor from Futurama, because then you know terror and awesomeness are imminent.
Some of the skills you will acquire with this experiment include metalworking, high-powered electrical engineering, understanding plasma physics and insane monologuing. The instructions include where to acquire the parts, and links to places that detail how to assemble them. If you are patient, you can slowly gather parts for your fusion device for as little as $200. Not a bad price to melt a hole to the center of the Earth and recruit those Molemen.
The tutorial was made by someone with enough conscience to include safety instructions, offering up warnings like: "Don't touch any exposed wires because you'll die" and "The fusion reactions give off X-rays, which will probably fry your testicles."
In fact, if you amp up your reactor enough, the X-rays will go right through the stainless steel, so use lead, or a minion who you don't mind losing to nut cancer. Will It Work? Why wouldn't a homemade nuclear device work? There even seems to be a group of "hobbyists" that do this kind of thing all the time. Generally you never even hear about it, except for when boy scouts nearly melt several city blocks or whatever, but that isn't going to stop you from completing your plans of being a danger to yourself and your neighbors, right? #4.
Build a Secret Underground Lair/Bunker
Every villain needs a lair, and while it would be nice to have a massive underground facility like Cheyenne Mountain to yourself, the villian-on-a-budget needs to think a little smaller.
OK, How Do I Do It? This helpful guide doesn't just explain how to build an underground bunker under your home, they have tips for doing it without arousing suspicion. Now that's thinking ahead. We think that's what did in all of those Bond villains; long before MI6 came calling, the locals noticed truckload after truckload of drywall heading toward that skull-shaped volcano outside of town.
Thus the guide suggests doing things like disposing of dirt in five-gallon bucket-fulls, just a bit at a time all Shawshank style. Then you need to sneak in building supplies a bit at a time because God knows if the neighbors see you carting lumber into the yard they're going to have to assume the next step is laying waste to the Eastern seaboard with a destructo-ray and setting yourself up as Supreme Ruler of Earth. Will It Work? Now, we're not engineers here, but even without doing pages of calculations we're pretty sure that if you build a hole under your house big enough, your house will eventually fall into it. That seems like one of those basic gravity things so keep that in mind.
Also, for a "bunker" we're not seeing a lot of instructions here for running electricity, closed-circuit surveillance cameras, food supply, air filtration etc. In fact, the "bunker" in the instructions sounds suspiciously like "a hole."
See, this is the mistake that got Saddam caught. They really are two different things. |
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The how to on cannibalism is meant to be a joke by the church of euthanasia. They're concerned with over-population and use satire to explain their position like saying "do the world a favor, kill yourself" "six billion people don't lie" or "eat a h**osexual baby fetus for jesus". So yeah that would be really disturbing if they were serious, but they're totally not.
Church of Euthanasia, huh? That...is...scary as all hell...
@fissionboy; I couldn't get to the actual how-to, but I don't see anything in the diagram here calling for fissile matter, and it's unlikely that anybody could come across a viable amount of it for anything resembling $200. Hydrogen is pretty cheap, though, so at least fusion fits the price range.
How to cook a human being, ugh are they serious. Sorry for the reaction but that's barbaric!
I'm a bad boy. I printed several copies of the cannibalism website and stuck them in various place like: A Texas travel info center, a stand with several religious pamplets, near the meat counter of a local FreshMarket organic grocery. Yes, I am going to hell.
wow, that cannibalism link is terrifying.
Wait, how did they knew that above any other kind of human being, causasian females on their early 20's are the best of all? Also, what wine goes well with them?
I followed the link and must say that is the most disturbingly thorough and objective how to guide on cannibalism I've ever seen. On another note, I helped a friend build an extra space on the other side of his basement wall back in high school that certainly was not used for any kind of hydroponic lights or devices. At the same time we started digging a hole in the backyard for a hot tub. All the dirt we took out from the basement we just added to the hot tub dirt pile and his parents didn't notice anything.
I followed the link and must say that is the most disturbingly thorough and objective how to guide on cannibalism I've ever seen. On another note, I helped a friend build an extra space on the other side of his basement wall back in high school that certainly was not used for any kind of hydroponic lights or devices. At the same time we started digging a hole in the backyard for a hot tub. All the dirt we took out from the basement we just added to the hot tub dirt pile and his parents didn't notice anything.
Loved this article!
This is the ultimate how-to for supervillains : http://qntm.org/?destroy
Oceans 11 forgot the fact that any circuit worthy of the name has either fuses or a breaker. EMP is fairly useless as a weapon, unless preceded by a nuclear blast.
I love that Star Wars is on in the background of the first pic. Also, if it wasn't outrageously dangerous, that wrist flamethrower would be really cool. Maybe good for camping? (that is, if you want to burn the whole forest down, rather than just build a normal campfire. Watch out for Captain Planet!)
I think this more for henchmen than villains, although i guess some Big Bads go this root. Anyway, regardless it's still awesome: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Sleazy
I want that flamethrower!!!!
ITS A FISSION REACTOR. NOT FUSION. Nuclear Fusion is the kind of thing that goes on in the center of the sun.
Glad you went scientific with the zombies. I figured you'd go with some stupid religious sacrificing thing. Also cracked not too long ago you said it was an insane fetish about being eaten alive and now you've taught are cooks how to make it get done right,Mixed messages.
So I made a bunker under my basement, and a flamethrower for my hand. I kidnap people and then eat them, or turn them into zombie minions with brain-damaging chemicals, and I built a machine for deactivating electronic devices within a certain radius, and even a fusion reactor. They called me mad! But more importantly they called the police, and now I'm in a bouncy room. I dearly miss Ernie and Bert (my zombies).
So I made a bunker under my basement, and a flamethrower for my hand. I kidnap people and then eat them, or turn them into zombie minions with brain-damaging chemicals, and I built a machine for deactivating electronic devices within a certain radius, and even a fusion reactor. They called me mad! But more importantly they called the police, and now I'm in a bouncy room. I dearly miss Ernie and Bert (my zombies).
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhrgh stupid comment keeps posting mianhamnida
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