6 Movies With Uplifting Messages (That Can Kill You)
There are a ton of movies out there that try to inspire us all to be better people. Rudy, Lean on Me, Robocop--these films' powerful themes can transcend all boundaries.
But a powerful theme can be a dangerous thing in the hands of the wrong filmmaker. What if your "powerful theme" is "don't take those pills the doctor gave you!" or "don't be afraid of death, you're invincible?"
Don't think anybody would make a movie with such a moronically dangerous message? Wanna bet?
#6.
Garden State
In a movie appropriately named after the most depressing state in the union, Zach Braff plays Andrew Largeman, a young man who has been on antidepressants ever since paralyzing the shit out of his mom by pushing her over a dishwasher when he was a kid.
Through a series of quirky--and therefore artsy--events, Largeman decides that the best way to deal with his issues is to stop taking his medicine and experience life to the fullest. This allows him to patch things up with his estranged dad and bang Natalie Portman to an indie rock soundtrack.
"I don't know about you, but this funeral is getting me totally fucking hot."
The Message:
There is no medication better than the beauty of life! And also sex with Natalie Portman!
The Horror:
There is absolutely no question that someone in the audience for this movie was on medication and didn't need to be. It happens. All drugs have side effects, they can be unpleasant and some people are better off without them.
What is far more likely, however, is that the people taking the drugs really need to keep freaking taking them. This is not opinion here, this is medical fact: the drug Zach Braff was quitting was lithium and study after study shows that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder (the thing they prescribe lithium for) are 10 fucking times more likely to commit suicide if they don't take it or go off of it.
How's that for a side effect?
"I'm really glad we met. Cool with you if I drive this baby straight into the ocean?"
Now we're sure if the movie Garden State was somehow sentient and here to defend itself, it would say, "But the film deals with that issue! After all, in the movie, Zach Braff was improperly diagnosed by his dad, Bilbo Baggins. So surely you, Guy on Lithium Watching This Movie, aren't supposed to apply his situation to your own!"
Sure, but this is then followed by 90 minutes of Mr. Braff saying things like "the drugs left me fucking numb!" and "we should allow ourselves to be whatever we are!" Oh, and in the film the doctor prescribing the drugs was wrong and prescribed the drugs due to malicious ulterior motives (the big emotional breakthrough is when Braff "forgives" his doctor/father for prescribing them).
And don't forget that the patient's new, drug-free awesomeness is rewarded with Natalie Portman sex.
"You'll have to choose: Me, or that useless Asthma Inhaler."
Of course, it's just a movie. You wouldn't actually listen to it and take its message to heart unless, you know, you had some kind of mental illness or something.
#5.
Patch Adams
In one of his many attempts at drama after discovering he was no longer funny, Robin Williams portrays the character of Dr. Hunter "Patch" Adams, a radical, free-spirited "hilarious" "medical" "professional" who sets up a free clinic in the woods where patients can cure their bodies and spirits thanks to the power or caring.
By never conforming to the stiff rules of practical medicine, Patch shows us that humor and a positive attitude are the best medicines of all.
The Message:
Touch a person's soul and you'll cure all their ailments!
The Horror:
In the immortal words of Dr. Gregory House, "What would you prefer--a doctor who holds your hand while you die or who ignores you while you get better?" As hard as it is to accept, some maladies just cannot be cured with the power of puppy dog smiles and unicorn farts. We typically refer to these ailments as "every fucking disease on the planet."
"But what if we smiled at them REALLY hard?"
We're not exaggerating, by the way. The movie seems to show Patch curing a mentally ill patient purely with the power of improvisational comedy. From that point on, he dedicates himself to showing those stodgy, bitter regular doctors that laughter is the best medicine.
Of course the evil, humorless medical establishment will have none of it; they try to kick him out of medical school twice, only letting him back in after he gives a passionate speech on the true value of comedy pills... and hearing from a group of bald cancer patients Patch "cured" with the power of his awesome, tumor-shrinking jokes.
Now, hopefully we don't need to point out that Mork from Ork wearing a goddamn clown nose will never be a good substitute for a syringe full of penicillin. But this movie's bigger dick move is really the way it vilifies all of those mean doctors who seek to cure only with that worthless old medicine bullshit.
"Well, I may not be able to prescribe laughter, but I did just save your fucking life."
We suppose we should point out that the movie is based on a real guy, who in the real world runs the Gesundheit! Institute. The good news is, they don't demand payment. The bad news is they're treating with "alternative" therapies like homeopathy which, in every single study ever done on the subject, ever, has been shown to be even worse at curing disease than laughter.
#4.
Shallow Hal
Jack Black, the last man on Earth who should be picky about women, inexplicably plays a superficial ladies' man who refuses to settle for anything less than the visual approximation of what Halle Berry having sex with Bar Refaeli would look like as a person.
"This Bar Refaeli-Halle Berry hybrid is my Sistine Chapel."-Photoshop Department.
His life changes when he is hypnotized to only see people's inner beauty and falls in love with Gwyneth Paltrow in a fatsuit. In the end, he overcomes his shallowness, marries Gwyneth and probably lives happily ever after tucked inside her many rolls of excess stomach.
The Message:
Your appearance doesn't matter, because real beauty is on the inside!
The Horror:
As typical Internet dwellers we are all about people focusing on our inner beauty (which honestly is every bit as unwashed as our outer beauty), but this isn't an ugly duckling story. In the movie, Paltrow's character isn't just unattractive by our society's arbitrary and unfair standards--she's morbidly obese.
We're not disputing whether her character is a good person (she is), but nice doesn't matter for jack if you're so fat your soccer ball sized heart detonates while you're walking up the stairs one day.
It's not an issue of open-mindedness at that point. It's a freaking medical condition. If she's such a nice lady, maybe instead of embracing her 30,000 calorie a day diet, you should be helping live a lifestyle that will let her live past age 50.
I got an ad for minimally invasive weight loss options right beneath "Shallow Hal"
ReplyI agree that the leap of faith idea can be disturbing, and I hate to be "that guy", but I'm pretty sure Neo knew he was in a virtual reality environment. That being a leap of faith would be like taking risks in Mario Bros games.
ReplyHe took a pill from a complete stranger. He could be simply allucinating the whole time.
Maybe he was.
I thought that in Gattaca they repaired his heart murmur or whatever after he was born, but it was the stigma of being born congenitally defective that prevented him from pursuing anything without stealing the identity of someone born in perfect health.
ReplyNo, they didn't. Watch it again and pay attention this time.
"If any church or cult made "jumping off a thousand-foot cliff to prove you believe in God" part of their initiation ceremony, the government would shut that s**t down the next day."
ReplyWell, it even says in the Bible not to put God to the test, so a church doing something like that would be wrong anyway. Seriously, if you're ever in church and they tell you to jump off a bridge to prove your faith, leave.
"But only if you've lived a rich and rewarding life and somehow forgot about it, otherwise the angels can't be bothered and you're on your f*****g own."
ReplyI guess it's supposed to be funny, but I'm amazed at how often Cracked writers completely miss the point in a movie.
"If any church or cult made "jumping off a thousand-foot cliff to prove you believe in God" part of their initiation ceremony, the government would shut that s**t down the next day."
ReplyNot these days.
I can't think of a better situation. Letting the stupid and insane of the world put themselves out of everyone else's misery can't possibly have a downside.
Ill have to dissent in the Gattaca one, most of the predictions related to him were merelly "potential" the kind you coulnt really diagnose trough "normal" medicine, and he proved a lot of them wrong also he had a very rigorous training so he most likelly bypassed that heart issue.
Replyits not "follow your dreams no matter what" its fight hard enough to overcome the obstacles and make those dreams true
So he took precautions.
That is starting to make sense.
Make dreams come true if it doesn't cost more human lives than it can save should be the saying here!
I have to disagree about The Last Crusade. Before he jumped Indy spilled some dirt and rocks over the chasm showing that there was a bridge and then inched across it. That is not really a leap of faith... it could be construed as such because he had no idea that the nearly invisible bridge would support his weight, but he still knew it was there.
ReplyActually, watching the video again, Indy did that AFTER he stepped into 'thin air' and found the bridge, and after he crossed it, as a way of showing the Nazi-blackmailing goons where to go.
Pay attention to the movie, Jonathan.
I had no idea what Garden State was about, despite seeing it. I just remember hating it intensely and being sick of the Shins.
ReplyThe Rafaeli-Berry has webbed hands. I can't decide if this should be a new feminine ideal.
ReplyAlso, her tits are long. Which in itself is not right.
Mikey: Yeah, because women's tits should all look exactly alike. Just like men's dicks. Right?
Jack Black was playing "the skinny guy" so of course, the actual fat character would be the type that would need a scooter to get around in real life. Anyways, the movie was still nice. A lot of things make people good or bad, and to weigh it all on weight is impossible. Also, a nice person isn't always a good person. Those two things are unrelated at best and inversely related for some people. Like any one person with followers isolated somewhere.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesTrue, but given the overall story has Jack Black lovingly accepting this morbidly obese woman in the end send it sends the message that her morbid obesity is a condition that should be accepted, and hey, the associated daddy-issues are okay, too.
The point of the article wasn't 'fat people are horrible'.It was 'someone THAT fat is facing serious health issues'.
Seriously, people who suffer from 'gravid obesity' sometimes have their stomachs stapled in order to lose weight; they'd rather put up with the dietary restrictions and need to take prescription supplements then the health risks associated with being so heavy. The strain on the heart alone...
I don't believe in being skinny, but I try to keep my weight down to 'plump' simply because it's safer.
So this is a reason to reject the film? Seems to me that someone who is that fat NEEDS love far more than someone who is just kinda heavy.
Jack Black's character couldn't tell Gweneth Paltrow to lose weight. Have you taken a good look at Jack Black?
ReplyIt's beyond me how anyone could even conceive of 'fucking' that guy, let alone put him in the starring role in a romcom.
Lithium is NOT an antidepressant, its a mood stabilizer. I ought to know, I take 1350mg of the stuff each day. It just narrows the boundries of mood oscillation.
ReplyYou're either cooking meth or have bipolar disorder. Sucks either way.
Actually, LifeMasque is right. I suffered from depression and severe mood swings (though not of the bipolar variety), so I was put on generic Zoloft and lithium carbonate (90mg) to handle the problem. (Lithium increases serotonin synthesis, as well. Zoloft is an SSRI.)
The thing about lithium is you DO NOT just stop taking it -EVER. Even if the jackass who prescribed it was a slimy control freak doing it for nefarious purposes. I had blood tests to measure the level in my blood every three months, and my dose was adjusted every six. Gradually, they were able to wean me off of it as my mood stabilized. The Zoloft took two years longer.
"It's not an issue of open-mindedness at that point. It's a freaking medical condition. If she's such a nice lady, maybe instead of embracing her 30,000 calorie a day diet, you should be helping live a lifestyle that will let her live past age 50."
ReplyThe advert I saw under that was for WeightWatchers.
Garden State was recommended to me by someone a while back, since then I've been diagnosed with Bipolar and am on Lithium.. Guess that's one less film I have to see before I inevitably stop taking my medication and end it all
ReplyBe sure to give ol' Natalie a call before you off yourself. At least go out with a bang, if you catch my drift! *wink* *wink* *nudge* *nudge*
I have to say, about the whole Shallow Hal thing (which I imagine I'm not the only one going to make this particular comment), I didn't like the movie because for some reason all the women with really beautiful insides happened to be really really really f*****g ugly. I mean, I'm fat. I'll be the first one (along with my doctors) to admit it. Otherwise, I'm a pretty healthy person, though I need to lose the weight (specialized diet and specialized exercise because of a medical condition is helping me do that). But I'm also really pretty, and I know that because I'm told that, but I've also had the chance to date some really good looking men. So just because you're big doesn't automatically dump you into the "I wouldn't f**k them with the torch of Gondor" segment of the population.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesAnd just because you're fat doesn't make you a good person with a heart of gold. I'm lucky, I'm a pretty decent person according to my students, but I've met some really ugly people out there that are just ugly inside too. Just as much as I've met some really beautiful people out there that are beautiful inside too. The whole movie was just stupid, and the fact that you automatically assume that chick is a heart attack waiting to happen kind of means that the whole point of the story went right over your head. Fat guys in movies aren't heart attacks waiting to happen, they somehow manage to be cute, endearing sidekicks, or sometimes (in the Jack Black sense) leading f*****g men.
So yeah.... I'm not sure my rant had a purpose, but all that s**t had to be said.
I agree. I am fat, but I am also pretty and healthy. I HATE Shallow Hal, because it's one long fat joke and the joke is not even Jack Black would f**k you if you're fat. And the truth is, I wouldn't f**k Jack Black no matter how fat I got.
Fist of all the author didn't say that fat men aren't at risk. Jack black, although overweight, is not morbidly obese. The movie had its focus because men tend to focus on looks of women and women tend to be able to overcome a man's looks if he is rich, funny, or a celebrity.
Also you need to realize that beauty is subjective. I am not talking about inner beauty here either. There are men that are specifically attracted to overweight women. This is prevalent due to an evolutionary advantage when it comes to child bearing. You don't see nearly as many women specifically attracted to fat guys. Yes, there are women willing to overlook a guy's weight because of other good qualities, but women don't tend to go after fat guys for their looks.
Jack Black is absolutely morbidly obese.
So is Kevin Smith, Zack Galifinakis, James Gandolfini, and Kevin James. All have been stars of movies and/or television, all command high-figure salaries, and all have been paired up with hot, hot actresses in onscreen romances (with the possible exception of Smith)..
@Andrew Jack Black isn't fat, he is obese. Although maybe not morbidly so. Women get the point of the movie, we're just sick of films and TV shows with the fat guy with the not so great personality always with the hot girl. 'King Of Queens', 'Life With Jim' etc. Where do you see the fat girl with the hot guy EVER? At least on 'Roseanne' they were both obese. And annoying.
You're not as fat as she was. I checked. The girl in Shallow Hal was about four hundred pounds and you can't even hit 200. They had to use people that Jack Black looked scrawny next to.
Yeah, the movie basically says all good looking people are shallow and evil. Kind of upsetting to us Greek gods and goddesses.
"I'm lucky, I'm a pretty decent person according to my students,"
All evidence to the contrary.
Stacy, I can't tell from the little tiny picture what you do look like, but just the fact that you used the phrase "I wouldn't f**k them with the torch of Gondor" makes me classify you in the "hot" category. I like that. I'm stealing that.
To add to my previous comment, there is an inaccuracy in "Shallow Hal" that people don't seem to notice. Morbidly obese people are this way because they have emotional problems. This doesn't necessarily make them bad people, but they can be unpleasant to be around. Because we all have some control over our appearance it is not outright untrue that your physical appearance is totally disconnected with who you are on the inside.
ReplyGwyneth Paltrow's character either has a hormonal imbalance that needs to be treated medically, or she is a food addict in denial. I base this on her constant rationalization of the unhealthy eating patterns she shows in the movie. This movie demonizes smokers while making those who abuse their bodies in other ways appear to be angels.
The problem I saw with Shallow Hal is that it didn't show enough people appearing ugly because of inner ugliness. Only one character that I can recall changed in the other way. As bad as I am on the outside I'd probably look a lot worse with "inner beauty".
Replyi get trying to be funny but damn guy you strayed. patch adams movie was proving that having a good outlook and being happy is mental medicine. if you have cancer and think youll die you will die. but being positive has been proven to give patients better quality of life. a whoopee cushion doesnt cure cancer but the laughing doesnt hurt either.
ReplyYeah, but they also used actual medical treatments on top of being happy. The author isn't saying "fuck humor" he's saying that laughing alone in most cases will not save you.
You do know what 'homeopathy' is, right?
Regular medical treatments plus laughter is a good thing. Vilifying all doctors and standard treatments in favor of super-diluted 'medicine' and laughter in very much NOT a good thing.Cracked once ran an article on scams that included on where a homeopathic 'doctor' claimed to be able to transmit the 'medicine' over the *phone*. That kind of silliness is what this author is speaking against.
The Shallow Hal one really bugged me because it's a particular soapbox of mine. I'm almost 300 pounds, but my cholesterol, heartrate, and sugars are all perfectly normal. Meanwhile, my brother is a bodybuilder who devotes his life to the gym and he has to go on medication for cholesterol and get a stint in his carotid artery. Yes, morbid obesity is MOST OFTEN going to be indicative of other medical issues, but to think you know the state of a person's health just by looking at them is sheer hubris...and also kinda the point of the movie- don't judge by looks! On another note, this movie honked me off because Gwyneth's character was in the Peace Corps and Jack Black was able to just join her. As someone who tried to join up, the screening process is a lot more rigorous and time-consuming than just walking through the recruitment office doors AND they won't take you if you're obese anyway- I was told (again, despite numerous required tests showing I was healthy!) that my obesity put me at too high of a risk for them to ship me overseas for 2 years!
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesMaybe they couldn't afford the extra jet fuel.
yeah- in the same way that you exist because your mother couldn't afford a condom.
A more serious reply... morbid obesity is considered medically to be a health hazard even if your blood sugar and other factors appear okay.
All that means is that you aren't suffering from heart disease or diabetes which are the most common complications of morbid obesity. That doesn't mean you can ignore your dramatically increased risk of numerous types of cancer, kidney issues, liver failure, arthritis, hypertension, stroke, respiratory problems, skin conditions and infertility. So you're not "300 pounds and healthy", you're "300 pounds and lucky". Your brothers health issues are irrelevant. Being a body builder is pushing your body to an extreme too, just the opposite extreme to being obese. It comes with its own health problems. You might be right to say don't judge by appearances but to be so in denial as to the risks of your own weight issue is naive and dangerous in itself.
Please try to do something about your weight. I'm glad you are healthy at 300 pounds but the weight is affecting you in ways you won't realize for years to come. My best friend was the same way, very overweight, perfect physicals every year. Now her knees are shot because of carrying the extra weight on her frame for 20 years. Check out the movie, 'Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead' and get inspired.
Actually, I just want to point out the issue with your brother. Bodybuilders almost always have health issues, because bodybuilding is not healthy. Working out and lifting weights is, but not bodybuilding. So that's a weak argument.