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12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares

#8.
Durex Condoms

Hey, we bet you thought that was going to be the most horrifying oral sex reference on the list. You were wrong, weren't you? Weren't you?

The major selling point for this ad, other than the fact it's for a 9.5-inch long condom, is that you can finally rest easy when you're giving some mostly faceless lady a Joker smile, because you're going to be covered and it's pretty obvious she's going to be bleeding.

You could call this ad "inappropriate" in the sense that it seems intended for someone with a 15-year-old boy's concept of sex. But actually it's perfectly appropriate for the Durex XXL customer: the guy who thinks his cock is so huge that no normal condom can cover it. Dude, you can fit a regular condom over your head. Even if you did have a freakish dick wide enough to rip open a jaw (say, three-inches in diameter), this product still only has one legitimate use: to impress the cashier at the drug store when you're checking out.

#7.
Playstation Body Hair Pillows

Aaaaand with one image we have been turned off of both sex and video games forever.

This has to be based off a dream somebody at Sony had. Or maybe it's the result of a hilarious mistranslation from the corporate office in Japan and the ad design team in the USA. Either way, this woman is about to get caught fucking four giant, hairy, flesh buttons.

There are so many horrible little details here: From the way the living cushions have no human features other than sweat, chest hair and pleasure trails, to the way the cushion on the far right is writhing, like a huge fucking tongue.

Also, if you look on the end of the bed there, it appears one of them came in wearing a fur coat. Have fun with that mental image for a while.

#6.
Read Deutsch Magazine, Here is Some Beastiality

Apparently the ad department at this German magazine couldn't think of anything else that accurately encapsulated what their periodical has to offer the public more than a woman getting oral from a dog. We've all been backed into that corner before.

The series of ads feature nothing more than the word "Deutsch" and then in smaller text the assurance that it's a magazine for international lifestyles. Really, Deutsch? That's how they do it overseas? What country are you talking about exactly?

Maybe this is an attempt at an image makeover, like Dolce and Gabbana, and it all started with them figuring out how they as Germans could put those unpleasant Nazi associations behind them. So really it was this or pedophilia, and that one was already taken.

#5.
Patrick Cox Shoes: Ideal for Jockstrap Wrestling

Coming from the UK, this ad for Patrick Cox shoes demonstrates what happens when ad people realize that shoes are fucking boring and that angry, Greco-Roman man sex will at least draw some extra attention to those boring ass shoes.

On first glance you might think "but those dudes aren't even wearing shoes" and you'd be right, but there does appear to be a female spectator in shoes, watching as one jock-strap wearing greasy man pile drives another jock-strap wearing dude's corn hole on a hardwood floor. See, it's not the official shoe of man rape, it's the official shoe of watching man rape.

The company was disappointed to see their ad banned and responded by pointing out that, since both men have jock straps on, technically no penetrative sex can take place. Thank God for that, otherwise this perplexing gymnasium pseudo rape scene might be weird.

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