Sex sells, but that doesn't mean that selling things using sex is easy. You figure a little cleavage can go a long way to sell cars or beer, but in the wrong hands a sexy ad can turn into the stuff nightmares are made of.
Not even sexy nightmares, either.
It really is hard to work pedophilia into your ad campaign gracefully. In the 70s, this Love's Baby Soft ad, with a dolled-up, pouty-lipped child and the slogan "because innocence is sexier than you think" appeared in an issue of Tiger Beat magazine.
And really, what better place to convince both young girls and sexual predators that this product can turn a preteen into a sexual dynamo?
We can't figure out whether this ad means the 70s were a much more innocent time (when, what, nobody had heard of pedophiles?) or a much, much sleazier time. From our brief research into the 70s, we're going to go with the latter.
Fortunately, we've come a long way since then...
... or, maybe not.
The Child and Adolescent Reference Center, perhaps worried about the army of pedophiles that Love's Baby Soft ad recruited, figured they needed to raise awareness about the problem. But how? Public service ads are so easy to ignore, and it's crucial that the public understand the horror of this issue.
Hey! Why not diagram a child blowing a dude?
The end result is a bizarre image of an invisible pedophile who's apparently only visible when viewed through some special infrared camera. Parents, your child could be getting teabagged by an invisible pedo right now.
And if the overwhelming awfulness going on in this ad isn't enough, there seems to be an ugly "how-to" vibe at work as well. How many pedophiles saw this and thought, "Rolling chair? Toy truck? Brilliant!"
We shudder to think.
If you're not familiar with the Dolce and Gabbana, you've likely seen the clothes if you've run into a douchebag recently. Apparently eager to distance themselves from the douche demographic, the fine folks at the D and G marketing department decided to aim for those fashionable, gay, gang-rape clubs you're always hearing about.
We could spend the rest of this article detailing all of the untold stories in the above photo. Is the naked victim dead, or just knocked out by heavy tranquilizers? The man zipping his pants, did he just finish, or is it his turn? The man on the right, listening intently... is he so new to the world of rape that he must take detailed instructions from his gray-haired rape coach on the far right?
Like any good restaurant, Burger King is well aware that people love blowjobs. But most ad campaigns that find success by incorporating fellatio into their sales message do so by implying that if you buy their product, you will be on the receiving end of copious amounts of oral sex mere moments later. Burger King, on the other hand, apparently thinks it would work better for everyone if you were to just blow them instead.
According to the ad for their new Big Seven Incher, one of the most atrociously named food products since the McSodomy with Cheese, it will "blow your mind away." Is that what the expression the woman's face is supposed to mean? It kind of looks like she's trying to cope with the revelation that the Burger King mascot has a greasy sandwich for a dong.