Q: Why did the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Clarinet player player go to Michigan?
No, we're not proud of that. Give us a break. Do you have any idea how hard it is to work this hungover? Last night was Cracked's annual Goat Sacrifice to the Old Ones, and Swaim broke out the vodka/Windex smoothies early. We can still hear the bleating.
guide to cult ownership, while Robert Brockway showed us why you can never go home again. Seanbaby classifies modern pedestrians using famous toss-ball players. Dan O'Brien drops the curtain with a hateful and largely incoherent rant about Stevie Wonder. That'll teach the fucker.
|6 Ways Your Body Loves To Screw You (Explained By Science)
Sadly, knowing why your body sucks won't help it to suck less.
"Do people actually think dinosaur and humans did NOT co-exist?!?!"
Of course not, evilmoxie. If dinosaurs and humans never co-existed, how did Ian Malcolm break his leg?
|7 Inventors You Didn't Know You Wanted to Punch In the Face
Unless you're one of those people who just wants to punch everyone in the face.
"What f**kwits -.- "
Svc eloquently summarizes the article.
|6 Mental Illness Myths Hollywood Wants You to Believe
Surprisingly, most Hollywood screenwriters know a lot more about cocaine and Ukrainian prostitutes than they do about mental illness.
"Haha..."hippocampus"....what is that, like, like a school for hippos? Nah I'm just kiddin' with ya, you're alright kid. "
CharlieSouth, assassins have been dispatched to your domicile. Make peace with death.
|6 Hilarious Attempts at Brainwashing Kids with Comic Books
"We'll just hire some wino to write the script in exchange for whiskey. Kid's can't fuckin' read anyway."
"How the hell did you leave out the works of Jack Chick? Chick Tracts are the most fear-mongering and brain-washing thing to ever be printed in comic form! What a miss. Otherwise this was a great article. "
Sorry Alzarahn, Jack Chick's stuff is just too retarded. Even for this article.
|7 Insane True Stories Behind The World's Most WTF Houses
This one goes out to all you wusses in the suburbs. If your house doesn't baffle passers-by, you aren't doing it right.
"Oh god look at spock's mustache I'm so wet right now. "
reckless abrandon's comment can stand on its own.
Agents of Cracked
Swaim is dead.
YOU YOU YOU!
|If Everyone Knew The World Was Ending Tomorrow
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Worst Job Ever.
Kids today, all they do is sit on their ass...
Turns out the pony's one trick was actually pretty cool.
F*** you Nintendo, I just wanna be able sit on my couch again.
Sometimes the Make-a-Wish Foundation just has to go along with it.
Lady Gaga takes charge of the KKK's custumes.
Why can't the Grinch steal this shit instead?
One giant leap in the wrong direction.
It's hard to write a good craption when you have a raging erection.
The annual "Let's Never Do Anything Ever" parade.
Rorschach's Journal: Sucks losing bets to Comedian.
Excuse me, can you tell us where they're holding Mexi-con?
After the Orcs invaded, Christmas became much more fun.
by Kamikaze Phoenix
Fire. How original.