Nothing captures the eye of a beautiful, young woman like a face full of pus-bubbles. Then that beautiful, young woman turns away in disgust and may or may not vomit.
So isn't it wonderful that your body is capable of randomly peppering your facial area with dozens, if not hundreds, of inflamed marks of pre-manhood? Those little whiteheads and blackheads single-handedly kept you out of the popular clique in high school, didn't they?
Eh, maybe not single-handedly.
But what's worse is the way the pimples seem to know that you've got a big date or prom coming up. It's like your complexion "chokes" just like the basketball player at the free throw line up there.
So What's to Blame?
While it's been an old wives tale for generations that acne is caused by stress, until recently, scientists scoffed heartily at the very notion. What they could not scoff at is the fact that acne outbreaks are caused by oil that builds up under your skin and blocks pores, however.
So scientists at the Stanford University School of Medicine studied students during finals, just to see if the pressure of taking tests exacerbated their acne. Guess what? It totally did. First, stress prompted the adrenal glands to pump out more hormones, which led to extra face oil, which led to more zits. This was then compounded by the fact that the normal healing processes slowed down. It was like dropping a Mentos of stress into the diet soda of clogged pores.
Your chin during finals.
Stress is, in fact, a very common way to throw off the balance of hormones in your body. Other times that hormones might get adjusted and ruin your skin include: puberty, pregnancy and menstrual cycles. Is the correlation becoming a little clearer? Basically any time in life that could cause you physical and/or emotional misery and embarrassment is fertile ground for blemishes to appear.
3Erectile Dysfunction/Premature Ejaculation
The males in the audience know that the jokes about your penis having a mind of its own ring terrifyingly true. It has its own agenda. Most of the time, you and your penis might be in perfect agreement, but at others, you may find your erection fails even with an attractive lady ready and willing in your bed. Then the erection returns the next day when it's unwelcome, like while you're trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver on your choking best friend.
So What's to Blame?
In a twist of cruel biological function, the same part of your brain that controls the "fight or flight" response is also a major component in activating and deactivating your dong or, if you are a woman, your girl-dong.
As you have probably guessed, having the part of your brain that controls orgasms share space with the part responsible for you running away from confrontation can cause miscommunications on a Three's Company-esque scale. That puts those functions squarely in the "involuntary" category, which means they are controlled by the autonomic nervous system. It's really a biological recipe for hilarity.
"Please, Weinermobile, just stick around for a... DAMMIT!"
All of those non-voluntary functions are constantly being controlled by two conflicting chemicals: epinephrine and norepinephrine. These two chemicals are a lot like cops in any generic buddy cop movie. Epinephrine is the partner who's always on edge and constantly pushes the boundaries of good taste and legality, while norepinephrine is the wiser, older, often Danny Glover partner who would rather do things by the book.
When the "fight or flight" mechanism is triggered (as it is when you get excited), the balance of these two is thrown off. The possible outcomes are equally bad. If there's too much Danny Glover, your erection will wilt faster than a malnourished rose and you'll be hard-pressed to get it up anytime soon. Alternately, if there's too much rogue cop, there'll be a quick finish followed instantly by overwhelming shame and/or tears.
"You're a loose cannon, Boner Cop!"