The 6 Most Horrific Lessons Ever Taught in Elementary School
As a society we put an incredible amount of trust in our teachers. They're alone with our kids for most of the day, and what they teach them will shape their worldview. The potential for things to go wrong is enormous.
And as you'd suspect, things often go enormously wrong. Irresponsible or downright crazy teachers wind up teaching our kids lessons we'd rather they'd kept to themselves.
#6.
Never Be Afraid to Get A Little Feces On Your Hands
At East Iberville Elementary School in Louisiana, they don't take shit from little kids, literally. So when a seven-year-old boy managed to clog up the toilet at school his teacher did the only rational thing she could think of: She made him unclog it with his bare hands.
It started when little Trevor ate too many Pop Tarts for breakfast. Feeling the need to take care of business, he asked to go to the bathroom and, in his own words, "made the toilet overflow with toilet paper and poo." Such a feat by a seven-year-old is something we at Cracked actually find fairly impressive and deserving of proper respect.
His teacher however, failed to recognize his achievement in its proper light and wanted to punish him. Either that or she had a fear of plungers or something. And because the sight of a crying seven-year-old elbow deep in a toilet wasn't sad enough, she threatened to make him use his teeth next time. Afterward, she encouraged her class to taunt the boy by calling him "sissy hands," which must be some kind of devastating slam in Louisiana, since "shit hands" was so much more appropriate for the situation.
It turns out the teacher was part of an "alternative" teaching program, at least that's what the school said after police arrested her and charged her with juvenile cruelty. After the arrest, the school had to close down the other alternative programs, including the home economics sweat shop and pre-school coal mine.
"Hurry up or no story time!"
We're glad to hear that at least one school board member wants to fire the teacher. The other members are apparently on the fence, maybe because she didn't actually follow through on her threat about making the boy use his teeth.
#5.
Let's Play "Holocaust"!
They say experience is the best teacher. Hands-on lessons are easy for things like learning to draw a picture of a turkey by tracing your hand, but harder for subjects like history. This didn't stop the teachers at Apopka Memorial Middle School in Florida, who decided that it would be really fun to have "Holocaust" day at school. And as we learned while researching this article, the Florida public school definition of "fun" translates roughly to "mentally scarring."
As students showed up on the big day, certain kids were given gold stars to wear. These students were supposed to be the Jewish students and throughout the day they were persecuted by not being able to use certain water fountains and not allowed to sit down. You know, just like in the Holocaust.
Neither the students or their parents were told about the day because teachers said they didn't want students to be prepared for the terror and fear (well, at least annoyance and mild confusion) that was to come. Apparently the teachers felt that you really couldn't half-ass something like the Holocaust.
As one boy told his dad afterward, the only thing he learned was that he really didn't want to be a Jew. We're pretty sure this is the almost the exact opposite of what the teachers were hoping the kids would learn. Or was it?
Parents were predictably upset and flooded the school with complaints. Even Jewish groups were left palming their faces and cursing silently in Yiddish. Sadly, all the backlash from the day caused the school to cancel the "Master/Slave" role playing exercise.
However, it went on as planned at another school...
#4.
Let's Play "Slave Ship"!
Most teachers have that voice of reason in their heads that tells them when they're going too far with a child. This voice usually chimes in before they try to tie up their students' hands and legs with tape. That same voice probably gets a little louder when that teacher is trying to decide whether or not to stuff those students under a desk.
Not part of the curriculum.
One teacher in White Plains, New York was apparently deaf to that voice of reason and instead chose to listen to her voice of terrible, terrible ideas.
During a history class for seventh graders, a teacher was trying to impress upon her students that slavery really sucked. Fearing that her students wouldn't take her word for it, she felt that the only way to really get the point across would be to make the students feel what slaves went through. Just like how you need to push people off a building to show them how hitting the ground would really hurt.
Third Period Introduction to Polar Bear Safety.
To make things even more realistic or something, the teacher forced one student to take part in the demonstration after not getting enough volunteers. And of course, the teacher, who was white, chose a black student to participate because she really wanted to make a Cracked list.
When they were finally released, the student who was made to pretend to be a slave decided that getting tied and stuffed under a desk was some serious bullshit and told her parents. When they complained to the school, the superintendent admitted this was a bad idea if it upset the student.
Uh, yeah, we're thinking if you have a middle school student who loves being tied up and shoved under a desk, you actually have a bigger problem on your hands.
Hell, in 6th grade our teacher explained to us how to hotwire a car. I think it was supposed to about current or something, I don't quite remember but if anyone needs a tip for older cars, I got that down.
ReplyWhen I was in grade school, they had this idea to implement a mandarin teacher. I only learned hello and thank you. But anyways, we had 4 groups that were a mix of the 4 classes. (A,B,C and D.) my group was B, and we had 20 kids and 6 good ones, including me. She didn't like us. I know because she said she hated us, she liked group A way better, and she couldn't wait until we graduated. Fun times.
ReplyI had a teacher who was a legally diagnosed schizophrenic. She constantly smoked (sometimes pot), which sucked because I have asthma, and I was constantly screamed at for coughing or correcting her( she said eggs used for food could be hatched out of the fridge, and claimed all asians are trying to take over the world by eating rats and babies. I'm chinese). She never taught us anything because she was too busy trying to catch the "poltergeist" that was supposedly haunting her room. One day, when I brought in a japanese pencil, she picked it up, broke it, and literally tried to stab me with it. Understandably, I was upset and I flipped her off. I was only able to avoid expulsion by convincing the principal I had a very expensive lawyer that would sue all their asses off. I really wanted to sue, but I wasn't allowed. She is still teaching.
ReplyI've had a few batshit insane teachers. Kindergarten, forced out of class for "being too literate." Grade two, forced to stay in for three hours because my (impeccable) handwriting wasn't "in the right style" that the teacher wanted us to have, and I didn't hold my pencil right (when in reality, I was holding it the RIGHT way and she was wrong the entire time, you don't grab it like a monkey, thanks). Grade three, our class was taken to an old historical site's schoolhouse for "immersion" or something and made to go there for a week. One girl was beaten by the teacher and we could hear it, and then it was shut down two weeks later because she nearly had to go to the hospital. Grade five, my teacher gave me 0's on everything and dumped a kid's desk out of the window for not being neat enough. Grade six, I loved our teacher, but she took us out into the marsh and made us make weapons and taught us about child slavery by not letting us have anything but a handful of rice for our meals (we had all three at school). Grade seven we were taken to a camp and taken up the side of a CLIFF and taught archery and did some improv games for drama and then ABANDONED because the teachers FORGOT US and they turned up drunk in their cabin two hours later. Grade eight we did a "medieval" simulation and were "married" to each other and for French had to watch the same French video for a year. Grade nine was just ghetto . . . grade ten I had a teacher who got so mad and in my face he failed me by ONE PERCENT and then refused to teach me. Oh and did I mention this secondary school has had six gun threats and three bomb threats in the past two years?
ReplyWhere the Hell did you go to school?!
Um, my junior high social studies teacher made us all lay face-down under our desks while he cracked a whip over our heads, to simulate a "slave ship." We then watched "Amistad". All of it.
ReplyHe did not return the following year, but is still a teacher. :-/
"Uh, yeah, we're thinking if you have a middle school student who loves being tied up and shoved under a desk, you actually have a bigger problem on your hands."
ReplyTell me again what's wrong with being tied up? :P
Pretty crazy shit. I've had a racist 2nd grade teacher, at a Christian school. Always playing favorites with the white kids. God she was such an old bitch...
ReplyI guess I'm not more of a bigger problem then, cause I'm not in middle school anymore...
ReplyRegrading #2, Your Personal worth is determined by popular vote:
ReplyThe teacher was obviously thinking along the lines that singling out an unpopular child and publicly humiliating him would make him conform and "start acting normal." The fact that said child had a diagnosed condition which effected his social ability, coupled with the fact that social skills are not innate but must be taught, evidently meant nothing to her. In other words, she was going with the idea that "bullying builds character."
Tragically, this moronic idea is still very widespread in this country, and is shared by many teachers, administrators and school board members. A fair number of parents seem to share this view too (at least when their child is on the giving and not on the receiving end of said bullying). Granted, few of them would voice such an opinion in public, but that does not mean the idea is any less pervasive.
A little something to consider after the next school shooting.
They should not have made the toilet-clogging kid clear it with his hands. They should have tased the little bastard until his eyes glowed, and then expelled him.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou've never shat? Ever? Oh, and the kid was seven.
But, maybe it was his way of saying their school was shitty. Obivously it really was.
Midnight, apart from you being a psychotic bastard...I killed myself laughing at your comment.
We had to replicate the Holocaust in my sophomore lit class in highscool. We were reading Night and a couple of us were assigned as Jews. We had to wear gold stars and were forced to sit on the floor during class (Yeah real hardship there I know). It ended after we were forced to sit outside the room and an administrator walked by and asked what was going on. One of the students accused our history teacher of racism for giggles.
ReplyI went to school in Florida.
Reply/fuck
Me too. I can't tell non-Floridians stories about real things that happened because they just think I'm lying.
sames...although personally I enjoyed Holocaust-Recreation/Bunny-Murder/Child-Scarring day
;_;
ReplyThose poor bunnies.
Though that teacher seriously needs to be looked at. No normal person would just kill animals just to demonstrate a lesson. Sounds like someone needs some psychiatric help.
I had a crazy teacher that used to yell at us a lot over the strangest things. She taught first grade. She tried to tell us kids that "you can't see rain because it's invisible" - and she had huge coke-bottle glasses. A brave student by the name of Louis spoke up and said "...but I can see rain." and she yelled at the top of her lungs: "YOU CAN'T SEEEEE RAAAAAAIIIIINNNN!" This is the same teacher who once picked up a desk and threw it at a girl. A six-year-old girl. Lucky for both, they missed. She went on to teach for years after, because everyone was afraid to tell on her.
I had a crazy teacher that was batshit insane, too. Redundent, I know. Anyway, a friend of mine and his group of friends were singled out by her for being black. That's more or less her own words, under the guise of "They always cause trouble" and whispered "damn blacks", she made them sit on the floor. That's not much, I know. She assigned them extra work, and they didn't get Phisical Education (This was middleschool, back when "PE" was enjoyable) because she told the coach they'd "Misbehaved" if they even asked one question. She also singled my friend out and made s**t up, and even told the principal. He was nearly expelled, but his mom came to the school and cleared s**t up. She asked the teacher, the teachers said "He did holyshit I forgot", replace holyshit I forgot with some misdemeanor, I forgot which. The Vice-Principal came down and they talked and she lied to em' too. This all came to light, and the teacher was fired. She was reinstated to being an assistant teacher, where she was infinitely less shitty.
Other crazy: She was girl-power to the max. She pulled guys out of the lunch line (Two mile long lunch line) and said "LAAAADIES FIRZT!"
She also let girls get away with murder, they could punch guys and steal food/objects with no trouble. What happened to Gender Equality? If you can work, you can be punched in the face. Hard. Anyway, there was some more stuff I never found out, due to the fact I finished mid.
PS: Pre-High, godamn whiners.
My school did a "Holocaust Day" when I was in 8th grade, but it was only for Spanish students. Yeah, that makes no sense, but our Spanish teacher was so dumb she said that tacos weren't Spanish (AKA Mexican, as she absolutely never pointed out that Spanish is also native to Spain). Anyway, we all had to around the school with a star of david pinned to our shirts. I refused, and got detention.
ReplyIn elementary school, after learning about the butterfly project, my class decided to play Holocaust. It was basically a twisted version of freeze tag. Once the teachers figured out what our new "game" was, they promptly put an end to it. The sad thing is, we were too young (8-9 years old) to realize what we were doing, and no one explained why it was wrong.
ReplyThat picture of the polar bear tickling the laughing lady is so cute.
ReplyWow, I didn't know you could make the Cracked list if you did "Holocaust Day" at school.
ReplyBecause we totally did, in 9th grade. And "Jews" were "fat kids". The teacher admitted at the end of the day that that's what he was doing. "And now to learn about the REAL Holocaust! Oh shut up, stop crying. At least our gas chamber wasn't fully operational like the ones Hitler used."
I'm a former high school student in Florida who went to one of the "best" schools in the state, at any rate my AP US History teacher is the epitome of what's wrong with teachers in our state she refused to do any work instead she would talk about how "brilliant" she was with her Ivy League education, how all the other teachers were out to get her, and her f*****g "granddoggy". By the time the exam came we hadn't reached that lil ole age called the 20th Century (I passed with a 5 and was the only student of of two classes to have passed, I'm a history geek). She'd also been caught leaving premises without authorization and had her son (convicted of thievery and accused by several female students of "inappropriate conduct") hired. Go figure she was also married to a school board member and was the school's Union rep.
ReplyAh, the teachers' union.
And don't forget Marilyn Manson, he's from Florida too. Although he isn't half as insane as those teachers...
ReplyManson's probably the best thing Florida ever gave the world. I grew up in Florida, and if I had a stockpile of nukes, Florida would be the first to go (followed by New Jersey and then Texas).
All of these are disturbing as hell, but #s 3-5 in particular? Holy. Shit. HOW did those psychos not find themselves in mental wards/jail before becoming teachers?
Reply