The 6 Most Unintentionally Creepy Movie Romances

Ask any 10-year-old boy, and he'll tell you: Romance is gross. One look at the average Hollywood movie is going to tell you he might just be right.

Somehow, without the filmmakers even noticing, they come up with romantic plotlines that are somewhere between "creepy" and "fuel for your darkest nightmares."

Case in point:

#6. BIG

The Romance:

Let's be honest, when 12-year-old Josh Baskin wished that he could be "big" he was probably talking about his penis. So, the next morning, when he wakes up to discover an adult-sized dong in his underoos, he happily accepts the fact that his newfound wang comes at the price of 17 years of his life, and he sets out to use that dong.


"...but please, PLEASE don't make me look like that guy from Bosom Buddies."

Luckily for Josh, a sexy and ambitious toy executive in the person of Elizabeth Perkins is happy to lend a hand.

Wait, Something's Not Right Here...

The words "illegal," "immoral" and "icky" spring immediately to mind. Remember, Josh made that wish to be "big" because he was sick of waiting around for puberty. We would give the writers the benefit of the doubt and assume it just slipped their minds that this was (mentally and emotionally) a pre-pubescent kid being seduced by a 30-something woman. Then again, it seems hard to miss when Josh's big love scene comes right after the scene where he celebrates his 13th birthday. With his 13-year-old best friend.

It's not like they're even trying to hide the fact that their seemingly grown-up protagonist is still a child. Hell, his childlike manner was what attracted Perkins in the first place, which just adds another little layer to the already creepy romance.


Pictured: Completely natural, totally grown-up and in no way childish foreplay.

#5. Superman

The Romance:

Let's face it, any other guy who had his eyes on Lois Lane never stood a chance. She was seeing a tall, good looking guy with a chiseled frame and, oh yeah, he could fly and bench press several Mack trucks. It's kind of hard to compete with that, and even harder to compete with a guy who can fly around the world so fast he actually reverses its rotation, sending everything back in time in order to save her life. That makes your roses and box of chocolate look like a big pile of shit.

Wait, Something's Not Right Here...

You'll probably remember that one of the catch phrases they always use to introduce Superman, right after all the "faster than a speeding bullet" stuff, is "strange visitor from another planet." You know, as in, he's not from Earth. As in, he's not a human being.

Sure, he looks like a human man, thanks to whatever one in a quadrillion coincidence of evolution caused life on Krypton to look just like ours. And he's got a presumably working humanoid dong, but that doesn't change anything. Lois Lane fucked an alien.


Like this, only a little less furry.

Despite appearances, Superman's physiology is so radically different from ours (ie, he can take a shotgun blast to the eyeball without blinking) that biologically Lois would be closer to a donkey. So, yes, it's like some kind of some kind of space bestiality.

Wait, no. Not "like bestiality." It is bestiality. And, considering Superman's immeasurable, godlike superiority, Lois is the beast in this equation.

#4. Overboard

The Romance:

When the very rich and very terrible Goldie Hawn falls out of her yacht and develops amnesia, Kurt Russel and his mullet decide to swoop in and trick her into thinking that she's been married to him for the last 13 years. Kurt is the good guy in the movie, by the way.

From there, the shenanigans unfold as Kurt treats her like a slave and the two fall in love. Of course, after she gets her memory back, she decides she wants to stay with Kurt forever.

Wait, Something's Not Right Here...

It's not often that you can get away with making a breezy comedy about a hillbilly kidnapping and enslaving an heiress while portraying the hillbilly as the protagonist, but that's exactly what happened here. Sure, it's played off as being all in good fun to teach Goldie a valuable lesson about respecting all people and yadda yadda yadda, but still. Kidnapping.

You could sort of call it brainwashing, too. And, in a way, when she finally warms up to him and they knock boots, you could kind of call that rape. After all, you could make a solid argument that the decision was less free will and more Stockholm Syndrome.


Pictured: Courting.

We're not meant to think about it in these terms because Kurt is just a gruff carpenter with four children to feed, while Goldie is the snotty bitch who hired him to do $600 of carpentry work, treated him like crap and then pushed him out of a boat without paying him. But we can't recall the last kidnapping case where the old "but she owed me money!" defense kept anybody out of prison.

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