7 Popular 'Chick Flicks' That Secretly Hate Women
#3.
The Women
A very lionish Meg Ryan discovers her husband is having an affair with a very hot Eva Mendes. She kicks him out and embarks on an inward journey of self discovery. One where she literally creates a dream board with the words "WHO ARE YOU?" emblazoned on it. Written by, produced by and starring only women, this movie should have been a two-hour Tampax commercial filled with empowered, complex ladies horseback riding and shit.
And How Does This Hate Women?
Name five cliches Hollywood gives its female characters. Got them? Now look at the picture below:
They're all there, aren't they? We've got your sassy black girlfriend; ditzy but lovable earth mother; childless career lady; hot ethnic stereotype. And in the middle of it all is the muddle-headed former America's sweetheart who should've known better than to put her trust in a script that caricatured women so bluntly. And don't think for one second that the cliches were subtle.
In spite of an all female cast, the women in this movie are essentially playthings in the hands of their invisible male controllers. Suit Lady is at the mercy of her male boss who thinks all her crappy ideas are crap; Baby Lady is pregnant with her fifth child in the hopes that this time she'll get that boy she's always hoped for; and Lion Lady is not only employed by her dad but dependent on her successful, millionaire husband for her maid and au pair allowance. The jaded black sassy friend escapes this alternate reality of Lady Puppets, but that's because she's a lesbian.
The one character who seems to be in control of her world is the gold-digging, lower-class mistress who works behind the perfume counter at Saks, and is also called "The SPRITZER Girl" by Le Lioness and her sneering rich friends.
Meg Ryan's character seems more offended that her husband is sleeping with someone from a different caste than by the fact that he's screwing around at all. Moral of The Women: Don't trust the help. Stay classy, Hollywood.
#2.
How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days
Trapped in romantic comedy purgatory for crimes against humanity, Kate Hudson creates a Cosmo-ish article project with the sole purpose of destroying a man's faith in romantic relationships. COINCIDENTALLY, Matthew McConaughey, in a role that requires Holocaust-denying levels of suspension of disbelief, is an advertising executive who bets he can get any woman to fall in love with him. His co-workers select Kate Hudson.
Horrific tragedies Hilarity ensues when Irate Hudson tries to drive the poor, dedicated bastard away in 10 god-awfully long days. So this time Hollywood presents a smart, confident, single woman who is so control of her own love life that she thinks she can best Matthew "alright alright alright" McConaughey. Good luck with that, babydoll.
You can't best this.
And How Does This Hate Women?
By presenting us with a heroine who has the emotional empathy of Josef Mengele, that's how. This is a character who tortures her fake lover with the subtlety of a sadistic Freddy Krueger/Leatherface/Edward Cullen hybrid; only instead of finger-knifing him in his dreams, chainsawing his face off or psychologically torturing him with her dazzlety, this playa full-on acts like a girl for ten whole days. And in this movie, here's how a girl acts: she talks during a movie, leaves tampons in his apartment, sings Carly Simon songs, spontaneously becomes a vegetarian, makes her man miss the big game and publicly accuses him of being the source of her eating disorder. Hudson has to learn and fake all of this normal female behavior, since she's much more special and deeper than the average woman. And we know this because she cares about politics and basketball, not like most women who only care about boys and shoes.
Hollywood's average woman.
This is also a character who is too stupid to understand why her Cosmo-ish magazine won't let her write about Tajikistan, which would be like a Cracked columnist getting pissed over not being able to write about... well, Tajikistan.
This is also a character who must estimate that the intellect of her audience is somewhere in the mid-to-upper-retard range if she thinks they'd actually be enlightened by her punk behavior. We'd love to get that Pulitzer for "Top Six Ways to Be a Raging Jackwad (That You Already Knew About)," but we're not betting the farm on it.
#1.
Pretty Woman
Julia Roberts is Vivian, the harlot with a cardiac muscle of bullion who is picked up by Richard Gere's Edward, the millionaire businessman with a heart of regular heart. Charmed by her big-ass grin and goofy persona, he asks her to stay with him at his HO-tel for a week. Which is just enough time for Vivian to get some new clothes, pass as his non-hooker girlfriend, get not-quite-raped by his business rival and metaphorically steal the heart of reformed gigolo Richard Gere.
Roberts shines as a beacon of kooky but lovable sunshine next to a dead-inside-and-out Edward, and everyone from Roger Ebert to the Oscar Monkeys screamed orgasmically when she got her fairy tale happy ending. Be you whore or non-whore, ladies, it's never too late to stop believing in yourself. NEVER!
And How Does This Hate Women?
By tying 100 percent of a woman's self-worth to her clothes. Not the love of a man, not a renewed sense of dignity, not even the ability to pass as a member of the upper class. Expensive, designer clothes are all it takes to pull a hooker out of the gutter and into the opera house.
During a 45 minute makeover scene Vivian walks into a Rodeo Drive boutique all pouty-mouthed and gangly--a big-lipped, shamefaced fallen woman who knows she doesn't belong in the same room as regular folk. Give her some expensive clothes, some flattery and overt groveling from the service caste, and she walks out of there like the honest-to-God Queen of Sheba. Her posture is straightened, her gait is elegant... just look at the joy on her face:
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Thanks to her millionaire john's line of credit, Vivian can enjoy the respect and admiration that she's always deserved, since she was a good person and all, but didn't have access to, since she dressed like a cracked-out tranny. She wasn't the first to think a new wardrobe was all it would take to fool the masses. And she wouldn't be the last.
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For strike two in the female representation arena, check out Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism. Or find out about some how Hollywood can't even get computers right, in 5 Things Hollywood Thinks Computers Can Do.
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Did we mention that Diane Keaton is a shrilly, hen-pecking, shrieking pterodactyl version of a person?
ReplyThank you. Thank you. Oh God, thank you. I was on a 4 hour flight and that movie, "Because I said so" was showing. And I tried to rush the cabin door, in the hopes of pulling the right lever and being violently sucked out to my death. But alas, I was stopped short, beaten furiously, and detained against my will, still being able to hear Diane Keaton's penis-shearing cackle while may face was pressed against the stale, sticky flooring.
I'm all for hating on Bella, but she isn't the only female in the series. Alice is probably one of my favorite female characters. It's a shame that she didn't get more screen time, she was the best thing in the series. I cannot comprehend how/why Meyer decided to make the main character so bland when she already has an amazing character that could easily stand on her on outside the series.
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ReplyI also hate bridget jones diary, she was a wonderful accomplish independent women, she should have told her match making mother and friends to take a hike!
ReplyMost films are either slightly misogynistic (Chick flicks) or Misandrist (Chick Flicks)
ReplyI seriously worry for the future of young women being fed romantic morals by the Twilight series.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesIt involves a lot of heroin. Real heroin, not just Bella Swan.
Actually I'd be more concerned with the promotion of bestiality and necrophilia as a viable sexual lifestyle for teens.
I read the Twilight series when I was 11 (this was in 2008). I loved it and found nothing wrong with it, but its not like I was hoping to find someone like Edward. I didn't take any romantic morals from it at all. Yes, I loved the books and would probably still appreciate them if I read them again, but I knew it was fiction. C'mon now, give young women a LITTLE more credit.
I'm in a play that educates about sexual violence and we have a scene that talks about how the media romanticizes rape. We use a book in the script that's a vampire romance. It's a real book, and it manages to be WORSE than twilight. Um..... sex necromancy happens. Yep.
Yes, Cracked. Patrick Stewart IS irresistible. :3
ReplyThe sad thing is that the Twilight movies were written by a woman and has that view.
Replymormon
Ah, but she still claims she's not sexist.
'... forbidden fruit angle Bella needs to stand ...'
ReplyI think Bella is an angel, not an angle.
i'm pretty sure angle is attached to the forbidden fruit, not bella. you know, as in "forbidden fruit angle." the sentence makes more sense to you now, doesn't it?
bellas not an angel shes justt a humen bieng hwo fell in luv, ur stupid
The only thing I do want to mention is the power of clothes.
ReplyI'm a bit afraid to post this here for being laughed out for being "too girly," or whatever. But I do want to offer a contrary position.
The way you dress does, in part, impact the way you feel about yourself. To illustrate, I'll use myself as an example. I dress mostly in jeans and a tshirt + sweatshirt. Sometimes I'll switch it up and wear something nicer. But when I do dress nicely, there is a noticeable change in my self-esteem, and in the way I carry myself. For example, I wore a dress for the first time in a while a few days ago, and it made me feel on top of the world. I know I'm not the only female for which this happens, though. There are reasons why there are specific fashions for specific shapes, and why there are so many iterations of the same style. Frankly, I don't give a s**t most days, but when I do want a self-esteem boost, I will don a nicer outfit.
That said, I don't think that attributing confidence 100% to clothing is very realistic either. I haven't seen the movie, so I don't intend to comment on it. However, a new wardrobe CAN provide those advantages, both emotional/psychological and social.
and here comes your contrast - I dress like a dirty redneck - and when I sit in a room full of suits, everyone underestimates me - a simple mistake, but a deadly one - when I want a self-esteem boost, I crush three-piece suited morons under my dirty 2 year old Chuck Taylors...be confident and proud of who you are as a person - not how you are dressed!
@darthkenobi - "a simple mistake, but a deadly one" - What the f**k do you do for a living? Russian Roulette?
i wish you guys would ease up on the transphobia...
ReplySuper like, Anne, and super agree.
If you're going to equate Twilight with abusive relationships then you missed out the real gem.
ReplyNew Moon has a part with a young woman named Emily who has a werewolf boyfriend and a face disfigured with claw marks. Yeah, he did that.
Basically, he lost his temper and attacked her but then said he was sorry afterwards which makes it all okay.
Uh, no. He lost his temper and CHANGED INTO A WOLF. He did not attack her, she was just too close to him when he changed.
Exactly.
Twilight werewolves don't change at the full moon, they change when they get angry. So the whole reason he changed and lashed out at her was because he got angry and she was standing there.
Apparently, you can't see the parallel but plenty of people can.
90% of chick flicks assume their audience are drooling idiots, so hate isn't really a big step. As soon as any starry eyed screenwriter is forced to write an insipid chick flick to pay the bills, the self-hatred begins to manifest itself as misogyny.
ReplyTwilight- a heart-warming, moving romance about a young girl who has to choose between necrophilia and bestiality
ReplyI still don't understand why she had to choose...
Once I was recommended this one decent fanfic where Bella decided she didn't need either of them, and went off to study something to do with endangered wildlife for several years. She was almost unrecognisable as the horrible main character from Twilight because here she had some sort of personality and seemed to be strong and fending for herself without a man other than her professor/mentor, who was like another father to her. ... and then Edward showed up again and tried to win her back, and she seemed to be considering it. At that point I stopped reading.
All I've learned from this list is that Hollywood and movies suck for finding decent morals and role-models. Just stop going to movies, you won't find what you are looking for.
ReplyIt's why I only go to action/animated ones anymore.
And comic-book characters. Except for Green Lantern. Poor Green Lantern :(
Very, very cool article. I do have to mention that Hollywood was on to something with the "dont trust the help" thing. Aaanold made a whole ugly baby with his ugly maid. food for thought, other rich women with disgusting husbands...DONT TRUST THE HELP!
ReplyUh, not don't trust your husband if he's a douche?
the women was based on a movie made before those cliche's were cliches... not to mention that original movie was based on a play that was written about 30 years previously.
Reply Hide All See All 5 Repliesdo you want a cookie, or a fruit snack for your insightful, hard to follow bullshit? You're a shell of a man. Shell. Remember that. Asshat.
any movie with that "ba-doop-boop" song in their trailers is .... is a trailer with that song.
Oh, well! So these one-note cardboard-cutout man-dependent "women" characters merely *created* the cliches and stereotypes that every woman-hating rom-com of the next four decades would use.
That's much better! It is clear that Cracked should post a retraction, since as everyone knows originality is proof against misogyny.
You forgot to mention that the original 1939 movie, written by Anita Loos, the same person who wrote Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, is actually less misogynous than the 2008 version. And the message of the original film, to the extent that is has one, is pretty much "Don't trust your husband, if he's a douche." More specifically "If you marry a guy who left his wife for you, don't be too surprised when he leaves you."
I'm not defending the original film. Just noting the irony that it took a 21st century reboot to make a movie about rich people who are douches, ALSO racist, and misogynous, rather than just sexist.
Is everyone forgetting that women have been oppressed for thousands of years?? These "cliches" and "stereotypes" of women have been around longer than entertainment has.
#2 is especially annoying for some reason. But then, they all are at some level. Maybe it's because Legally Blonde starts out with the (apparently) self-centered ditz who turns out to have a real brain in her head, be kind and compassionate in her slightly dingy way, and finds out, hey, a man's nice to have, but he's not essential to a fulfilling and wonderful life.
ReplyI think it's more that that movie was REALLY bad anyway. Dont over-think it. Some of these of entertaining mindless s**t, but THIS one is just a s**t on the chest of all women, from quality to the message. I cant believe Sex and the City didn't make this. Couldn't have been the EIGHT(etc etc etc)? Im so sick of bitches deciding they ARE Carrie, Samantha, Horse face, or Barren. Way to define yourselves, idiots.
So I love most of this list but I have to disagree with one of them:
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesPretty Woman is based on the classic musical My Fair Lady, which is, in fact, entirely about a man who bets that with proper clothing and speech training he can fool everyone into thinking that a Cockney-accented street flower vendor is European royalty. And it works.
The truth is, we totally do judge people on their clothes and dress and Julia Robert's character had no chance in hell of doing better when's she's trapped as a prostitute with no money. Say what you will about woman and shopping, but really, would a man trying to get a job interview not be elated and act differently when someone gives him a tailored 3-piece Brooks Brothers suit to replace his old torn T-shirt and cargo pants? I have guy friends who spent their first big paycheck on a fancy watch or tie for the same reason as a woman might splurge on shoes or a necklace - it feels good to see you're doing well.
Pretty Woman is empowering to woman. Given the resources, she does, in fact, change her life instead of chasing a rich man to the altar.
Arguable at best (this data comes straight from mothers of prostitutes nationwide) because she has already CHOSEN to be a play thing, you can't take back the decision to sell yourself for $5000 a week. Any decision to use a man's money to improve yourself thereafter is pure profit from abusing your literal womanhood. I'm no feminist, but I DON'T think pretty woman is empowering to women. I think we'll been told it is. Just my 2 cents.
she changes her life by f*****g a man for money and gifts - oh boy, that's real empowering - I hope the 25th anniversary edition has a tagline of "Giving Hope To Hookers Everywhere For 25 Years"
The pivotal scene form Pretty Woman is when Roberts strides back into the boutique she was turned away from, holding the bags and bags of stuff she bought elsewhere and sneers, "big mistake" to the snobby clerks.
Pretty Woman i about the power of money, not the power of women.
Again, is that not just men seeing woman as objects?
any one else come here just to see them hate on the stupid twilight movies and (grammer nazis leave me alone
Replywe shall not leave you alone until you learn how to spell "grammar" - and I'm changing the terminology from Grammar Nazi to Grammar Jedi - don't TRY to spell/type/speak better - DO BETTER! (were you expecting anything less from a guy named Darth Kenobi?!?)