5 Musicians Who Need to Find Something New to Sing About
In general, musicians tend to keep their subject matter limited to just a few different topics. And that's fine, we love songs about chicks and drugs as much as anyone else. But sometimes, a musician will latch onto one pet subject and hang on for dear life no matter how bad it makes them look. For example...
#5.
Eminem
Lyrical Fixation:
Eminem hates his wife and his mother.
Example Lyric:
"I love my daughter more than life n' itself
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin' hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt"
Take my wife, please.
How It All Started:
Eminem has had mommy issues, be it with his mommy or his kid's mommy, since his major label debut, The Slim Shady LP. That album's first single, "My Name Is," was chock full of lyrics about his mom's unfortunate drug habit, but the real kicker was "97 Bonnie and Clyde" (we're not completely sure if that title refers to the year it was recorded or the number of times that goddamned title has been used in rap songs). It was some pretty harrowing shit; Eminem drives to the beach to dispose of the freshly murdered corpse of his ex-wife, Kim. And her new boyfriend. And her boyfriend's kid. All while Kim's daughter, who also happened to be his daughter, was in the car with him.
Kind of hard to top that. But boy, has he tried. And tried, and tried...
Why It Needs to Stop:
It's one thing to call your mom out for being a junkie and threatening your ex-wife on your first album. Antics like those can generally be chalked up to a publicity stunt. But when you follow that up by littering your next three albums with songs about raping your mom ("Kill You") and killing your wife some more ("Kim"), then you're turning into the rap version of Marilyn Manson: a cartoonish figure trying to convert shock value into free advertising.
Like a hip-hop Boo Berry.
When the shock wore off, we kind of just started wishing he'd develop a crippling substance abuse problem like regular folks, rather than rhyming his way through his emotional issues on MTV. Thankfully, that's exactly what he did and the world was blissfully "mommy was mean to me" song-free. For a few years.
Then in 2009, Eminem reemerged with the aptly titled album Relapse. With that album, not only did the world get to hear the innermost turmoil of a man wealthy enough to delve into a four-year drug binge while suffering little to no financial ramifications before being welcomed back to work with open arms, but we also got a whole new round of mommy rhymes.
What rhymes with "ALF shirt"?
On the album's second track (third if you count the intro, which only retards do) Em was back to his old tricks with a song called, what else, "My Mom." She did valium, you know. And lots of drugs. That's why he is how he is. Because of his mom. Fascinating stuff, Mathers. We didn't catch that the first dozen times.
#4.
Bon Jovi
Lyrical Fixation:
Being a cowboy.
Example Lyric:
"I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride
I'm wanted, dead or alive"
How It All Started:
Jon Bon Jovi has been singing about being a cowboy since his days of big hair and songs about Tommy and Gina. Your mom's favorite album, 1986's Slippery When Wet, featured the massive hit "Wanted Dead or Alive," a song that used cowboys as a metaphor for traveling musicians that people wanted to murder. Or something like that.
Maybe it was about robotic, fire-breathing horses.
Then, after Emilio Estevez suggested that "Wanted Dead of Alive" would make a great theme song for Young Guns II, Jon Bon Jovi decided that an entire album of New Jersey cowboy shtick was in order and he recorded Blaze of Glory, his first solo album.
Surely, this would be the last time a band of hair spray abusing New Jersey rockers would drink from that well, right?
Why It Needs to Stop:
Wrong. The band would revisit the cowboy theme several times throughout their career, most notably on the totally-not-innuendo "Ride, Cowboy, Ride" from the New Jersey album. But with 2007's Lost Highway, Bon Jovi stopped singing about cowboys and just decided they were cowboys. JBJ (that's what we call him) described the album as "a Bon Jovi album inspired by Nashville." This is basically a less pathetic way of saying, "Hey, remember that cowboy album we made? Wouldn't you guys love it if we did that again?"
Alternate title: 2 Cowboy 2 Furious
We suppose it makes good business sense. Bon Jovi scored a huge comeback hit in the early part of the decade with "It's My Life," which was basically a cover version of "Livin' On a Prayer," complete with that obnoxious voice box contraption and more lyrics about Tommy and Gina. But you can't rely on those same old tricks forever. Sometimes, a band has to resort to their other set of same old tricks. Nobody knows that better than Bon Jovi.
#3.
KoRn
Lyrical Fixation:
Getting picked on in high school
Example Lyric:
"Scream at me again, if you like
Throw your hate at me, with all your might
Hit me 'cause I'm strange, hit me
Tell me I'm a pussy and you're harder than me"
How It All Started:
Those lyrics, with their trademark Korn subtlety, are from one of their earliest singles, "Clown." While the song itself isn't technically about being bullied in high school, the video featured lead singer Jonathan Davis curled up in the fetal position in a high school locker room, so that's pretty metal.
METAL!
"Faget," another expertly spelled song from their debut album, did directly speak on the subject of Jonathan Davis being bullied in high school. According to Davis himself, "Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer,' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks."
Future rock star.
Basically, Korn's entire first album was about how their lead singer is a total pussy. Somewhere, James Hetfield is rolling in his grave. That guy's dead, right?
Why It Needs to Stop:
Really, there's nothing wrong with writing a song about how high school sucked five years after leaving high school. You gotta let that shit out sometime. Some people go to therapists, others write albums and help kick start horrific music trends. To each his own, you know? But when Davis said in "Faget" that he's "got something to say," nobody expected him to go on and say that exact same thing on every album for the next 10 years.
As late as 2002's Untouchables, arguably the last Korn album anyone gave a shit about, Davis was still whining about his glory days as a high school bullying victim. On the album's first single, "Thoughtless," Davis was still spouting "woe is me" lyrics like these:
"Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying, when you're dirty in the front of me"
Somewhere, a 15-year-old LiveJournal user is probably contemplating a plagiarism lawsuit right now. Naturally, the general public's interest in Korn waned after five consecutive albums of teenage angst as expressed by 30-year-old dudes. But the band is still at it and is reportedly working on a new album. School shooters of the world, rejoice!
Apparently, Jimmy decided around 2005 that even he could not adequately delineate his own awesomeness through song and decided to cherry pick other artists' lyrics to cover the shortfall. Witness:
Reply"I'm a piece of work, I'm a love sick boy
Cloth cap, caviar, and corduroy
All over the map, justa lost in space
With a filthy mind and a choirboy's face"
Typical Jimmy, except it was written by Tommy Womack and Will Kimbrough, who perform this song with their band Daddy. But I guess when Jimmy heard it, he decided it must really be about him.
all of these people except eminem arent even rappers the dude who wrote this article is a dumbass
Replyi love l.a.
ReplyThat guy from RHCP looks like Will Ferrel.
ReplyGreenday needs to be on this list. All they ever sing about these days is how much America sucks. I agree with them, but it's getting old. If they hate America so much, I'm sure they can afford to move to a different country and start writing about other things.
ReplyBy the way, in Argentina there was a band called "Soda Stereo", all their songs talked about sex, their lyrics were not explicit, but sex was always implied.
ReplyI love KoRn. I really don´t find their songs repetitive, I really enjoy their music. And in the lyrics of toughtless, in "I want you crying when you´re dirty in the front of me" I always heard "I want you crying with ypur dirty ass in front of me." Maybe it´s just me?
Reply#3- thank you for that pic. freaks and geeks was one of the best shows ever.
ReplyI love the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but you can't argue with that pie chart!
ReplyTaylor Swift and her struggles with love.
ReplyThis is slightly off topic but also like to add any female artist who constantly takes jabs at the girly or feminine type because they're(the singer I mean) slightly more tomboyish at heart so that makes them better by default. Someone mentioned Avril Lavigne too. I can understand them singing about those "shallow airheady" types but come on there's nothing wrong with wearing skirts and heels either ):
Replythat whole "I'm not like all those other girls, they're so bitchy and catty!" thing was totally awesome. When I was 15.
Rihanna and being caught up in destructive relationships
ReplyIn regards to the Chili Peppers and their fascination with L.A., it's fun to visit, lot's to do, but in the end, the air is BROWN and makes your throat hurt, the people are foul mouthed and rude, and you can feel your I.Q. points diminish as you spend the day.
ReplyI'm starting to think Cracked really needs to grow up. It seems like all you guys can do is b***h about things. Not to mention.....it's sad you have more than one article bitching about what Eminem raps about. Where's the article "Cracked REALLY Needs To Find Something New To Write About"? Hoooly shit.
ReplyIn defense of CRACKED, it's got to be hard to come up with new topics as fast as they do. There is bound to be some repetition and similarity between articles. In the end remember nothing in the entertainment world is sacred, you'll relax a bit more.
Jimmy Buffett is one of the most wealthiest musicians (mostly for his vacation tours and restaurants). So is Kenny-G (investing in Starbucks).
ReplyBlues musicians in general need to STOP singing about f***ing trains.
Most wealthiest? Really? Is that because he is more better at his craft than others?
RHCP.........i saw them on their last stadium arcadium tour, and knew rhcp was done. not that the show was bad, it was awesome, i just knew it was coming. then frusciante left and the rest is history
ReplyI hope to be rich enough that I can just be fucked up all day, and still be rich as shit.
ReplyI was gonna complain about hating on RHCP, but then I realized everyone else will already have the complaining covered for one reason or another, so I won't add to the pile.
ReplyAlso, really, I feel like most of us could find these sorts of things to accuse any band of. Believe it or not, when you're an artist that's been around for as long as some of these guys have, there aren't that many things to write lyrics about. You say "Oh, well they all sing about the same things.". Then we have something like jimmy buffet, who then you complain about because he's singing about new experiences resulting from being famous. You can't have it both ways. If people aren't allowed to make lyrics based upon things they have past experience with, and aren't allowed to make em' based on their current activities either, then what are they supposed to do? Sing about going to the grocery store?
Then again bands like RHCP and dudes like eminem have been at least pretty popular for a good long while, so I'm guessing not too many people feel the same way about how they "need to find something new to sing about".
So this is what a 50 year old hipster would write to get on Cracked. Sorry, but not only is music popularity irrelevant, so is everyone's opinion on it.
Replylawlz.
Reply+25 hipster cred for namedropping Sufjan with a x7 bonus multiplier for doing it and trashing RHCP in the same sentence.