Remember the days when cheeseburgers didn't come in cans and hardboiled eggs weren't available in a handy, easy-to-slice log?
You probably do, and in fact probably thought you were still living in those days right now. But don't worry! The future of food is here. The horrible, horrible future.
So now you can enjoy foods like...
Let's start with breakfast, and with some nice elongated freak eggs. OK, what kind of animal is dropping loaf-shaped eggs? Snakes?
We don't think so. That means some Japanese company (don't act up, you KNOW they're Japanese) boiled a bunch of eggs, built elaborate machines to separate the yolks from the whites, and then built another machine to combine those yolks and whites into a goddamned egg loaf.
Then again, Japan is kind of a weird place.
That's a best case scenario. We can't guarantee there are actual eggs involved, but there are definitely machines involved. Photographic evidence is below.
This product isn't generally available stateside, since Western customers tend to dislike food served with unadulterated horror. It's our loss; just think about all those times you had a recipe that called for eight chicken's worth of boiled egg slices.
When a ton of fucking egg slices are called for, why not just invent a machine to take the shell off of eggs? That probably already exists. Then you could just go into business selling pre-shelled hard boiled eggs or something. Why's it gotta be a loaf, Japan? Tell us. TELL US DAMN YOU!!