Let's make it clear: Having a mental disorder is no fun. Even if some of them kind of sound like fun.
For instance, there is a whole list of mental disorders that basically turn your life into a live action Hollywood movie.
#7. Capgras Delusion - Your Friends are Body Snatchers
There's no one you can trust. Everywhere you look, faces that look familiar stare back with alien emptiness. In the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers, humans are replaced with identical alien pod people, making it impossible to trust anyone, stoking paranoia and giving Donald Sutherland an excuse to sport an exquisite sex offender mustache.
If you have the unwavering belief a loved one has been replaced with an impostor (and you don't have the pimp mustache) you're probably dealing with Capgras Delusion. Besides being the name of band you were in while at community college, Capgras Delusion is brought on by that Molotov cocktail of brain disorders: schizophrenia.
The alleged impostor can sometimes be perceived as a threat or simply as a docile stranger who just happens to look exactly like your spouse and inexplicably wants to live their life. While most Capgras patients decide to live with the impostor, some rebel against the perceived takeover and try to fight it. They can become so paranoid that they even believe they themselves have been "replaced."
The question is, if you think you've been replaced, why were you not replaced with a fitter, more well hung version of yourself? We mean, as long there is a pretend "you" running around, that pretend "you" might as well get pretend laid more often.
#6. Syndrome of Subjective Doubles - Bring in the Clones
Do you remember the Arnold Schwarzenegger remake of The Parent Trap called The Sixth Day? Where Arnold played a pair of twins that were the result of a guy being cloned against his will?
That scenario has also been the basis of more than one Star Trek episode, only there the clones tend to wind up with opposite personalities of the original, even to the point of assuming outright Evil Twin qualities. It's a classic mindfuck plot, since the one asshole in the universe none of us want to contend with is ourselves.
For delusional victims of the syndrome of subjective doubles, that recycled old sci-fi plot becomes a stark and iron clad belief. Some people suffer it as another symptom of the above-mentioned Capgras delusion.
Sufferers of SSD maintain that they have a twin who looks exactly like them but has a completely different personality, presumably brandishing an evil twin goatee. Sometimes patients even allege there are multiple clones running around, or that their own personality has been copied and pasted into some stranger.
God forbid these people ever actually run into somebody who looks like them, or that they should come across that new Facebook app that has you upload your photo and then tracks down all the other people in the world who look just like you. We'll all have SSD before long.
#5. Cotard's Syndrome - You Are the Undead
In The Crow, Brandon Lee's tragically fatal last role, Eric Draven, and his fiancee are killed by a gang led by the semi-effeminate "T-Bird." After a mysterious crow pecks on his grave, Eric awakens from death and, like any good zombie, seeks revenge on T-Bird and his gang.
Eric quickly discovers he cannot be harmed or killed and uses that to his advantage. Any geek would wet his Action Comics #1 to become a vengeance craving superhero who dons a black leotard and white face paint, looking for action. OK, we do that anyway, so what?
Cotard's is a brain illness that stems from schizophrenia, and those afflicted believe that they are truly dead, actively putrefying or altogether non-existent. Some patients even feel that they have lost all their blood and vital internal organs.
Not only that, but some reason being dead means they must be immortal, quite a logical thought coming from a delusional person. It's probably fairly harmless until you decide to test your invincibility by taking on a crime family. Or get hungry and decide you need a bite of a stranger's brains.
#4. Chronic Deja Vu - It's Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day answers the age-old question, "If you were Bill Murray and stuck in a time loop, what would you do?" The answer is give Chris Elliot a mountain of shit and relentlessly try to nail Andie MacDowell. After an undisclosed amount of time, Murray finally escapes the time loop either by learning love and compassion or huffing the copious amounts of Aqua Net coming off Andie MacDowell's enormous hair.
Everyone has felt deja vu at some point in their life. Usually the experience only lasts for a few moments before it passes, but for some people, it never ends.
The condition is rather ingeniously called Chronic Deja Vu (high five, psychologists!). People with the condition become stuck in a world where every experience is a familiar one, even when it's impossible they ever witnessed it before, like getting your 20th vasectomy or seeing the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl.
All jokes aside, the condition really does sound awful; all entertainment becomes pointless because even new movies have that boring sense of familiarity to them. You've never seen it before, but you get the annoying, bored emotional response of having watched a rerun a moment after you see it for the first time.
And here's the even bigger mindfuck: Sufferers tend to reject treatment because their condition convinces them that it has been tried before. And it clearly didn't work, so why bother?