7 Books We Lost to History That Would Have Changed the World

What is it:
The rumored third book to Plato's little unified field theory trilogy. The first two were Timaeus and Critias and are basically transcriptions of one of the greatest, most influential thinkers to ever live discussing how the universe, uh, happened.
If Hemocrates was anything like the first two books in the series, it would have dealt with some brilliant, advanced concepts (like molecules and the Golden Ratio), and would have influenced thinkers and scientists for years to come. Slightly more important and infinitely more badass, Timaeus-Critias also serve as the seminal source for the theory of Atlantis.

Luckily there are other sources.
Since the second book ends rather abruptly (mid-sentence), it's only logical that the third dialogue would have covered the fate of Atlantis, along with the influence it would have had on thought that mattered in non-fictional universes.
Why it's Awesome:
If Disney, Mother Goose and Indiana Jones were all willing to find Atlantis, then Hermocrates has got to be worth at least a bathroom-reading. Besides, Plato's brief descriptions of Atlantis sound like everything James Cameron promised us about Avatar: a huge empire, a utopian society and a spectacular war that results in the empire's collapse (minus the plot stolen from the Dances With Wolves DVD on loan from Billy Zane).

Why You'll Never Read It:
Nobody has any clue where it is. Some have even speculated that Plato never got around to finishing it. But since most scholars dismiss Atlantis as something Plato probably pulled out of his ass to make a point, it may not be as big a loss as the $17 you burned watching Dances With Wolves in 3-D.

What is it:
It detailed the entire history of Rome from its Trojan forefathers to the reign of Caesar Augustus, 800 years later--which means it includes a shitload of information on the subject not written down anywhere else. This bastard weighed in at 142 freaking volumes and anyone who ever got their hands on any part of it agreed that it was absolutely astounding.
After the West fell to ruin, Livy's beast became the single most sought-after book from antiquity, all without a single splash of gratuitous violence or naked women.

Actually, scratch that. There was both. They were Romans.
Why it's awesome:
Imagine finding an ancient copy of "Egyptian architecture" to settle once and for all how they built pyramids. Not the "Time Life Books"-type? That's cool, because you would have also been able to look up all the Gladiator records. All the mysteries of Ancient Rome would be at least kind of answered. Granted you'd probably never be able to read the whole book on your own; just owning one copy of this megalodon would pit every university on Earth in a bidding war to buy it from you.
But just the parts of Livy's histories that survived helped Italy invent a little something called "the Renaissance," and the books themselves were worshiped like goddamn monoliths.

Why You'll Never Read It:
It took Europe 1,000 years to realize that old books might be important after Rome fell, so when the Italians started collecting every scrap of paper left in Rome's locker, all they found were 35 books from the series (107 short). As if to rub it in from beyond the grave, everything the Italians found was fucking brilliant, and the basis for pretty much everything we know about Ancient Rome. So unless the Romans had the whole book saved on an enormous underground thumb drive, the best you can do is watch Gladiator.

What is it:
A lost work that allegedly chronicles the wars fought by Moses, Joshua, and the Israelites as they pounded their way through the Holy Land. Yes, the Jews were still the underdogs, but bear in mind they had a little super-weapon called the Ark of the Covenant to schlep around with them.

Pictured: "Power of God."
Why it's Awesome:
The importance of a book allegedly written by God (either directly or indirectly), cannot be overstated. If this book had survived, it would be in the same category as The Bible. You know. The greatest-selling and most influential book in the history of time. Hell, there are religious sects that are formed based on single sentences in the Bible and full religions dedicated to finding secret codes within the text. Any addition or change to The Bible, even if they're slight, would have had a huge impact on the face of history.
Beyond all that, the story sounds badass. You've got a long quest, the most badass Jews in history and a Death Star-esque secret weapon. For those keeping score at home, that's a God-authored version of Lord of the Rings plus Inglorius Basterds plus Star Wars plus HOLY SHIT CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND HOW AWESOME THAT IS?!
Why You'll Never Read It:
Unless it turns up somewhere on the Dead Sea Scrolls, the only other place it could be found is in God's head. We suppose we'll just have to turn to seedy fan fiction if we ever hope to see The Fellowship of the Inglorious Jedi.

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And find out about some mysteries that these books could have explained, in 6 Insane Discoveries That Science Can't Explain. Or check out some books you should totally (not) buy your child, in 10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children.
And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 1.8.2010) to see DOB's re-imagining of the Gospel of Eve.
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This article made me proud to be Greek
ReplyWhy does everything important HAVE to be destroyed!?!?!?!?!! Why, WHY?!?!! I mean, all of these works would f'ing CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!! I would sell my SOUL to at least read THREE books from Baghdad's library, or just read HALF of one of those lost books about Rome's history!!!! Why are you so cruel God?
ReplyI would love to read ''Ab urbe condita libri'' or anything from #5
ReplyI don't understand the rants on the Bible's supposed hate of sex. Sex is healthy with a loyal partner, which is what the vast majority of the people had. "Be fruitful and multiply" is kind of difficult when everyone's keeping it in their pants.
ReplyCelibacy was only for those who did not marry because they were dedicated to being holy men (or women). Song of Solomon is a surprisingly graphic love poem. And the "wait until marriage" principle we hate now effectively meant "get married in your mid to late teens" when we get horny anyway.
The widespread Sex is Evil stance we hear today developed a few centuries later.
I still don't care for the "until you get married" part. I never understood why the hell that mattered. Maybe back before birth control, but certainly not this day and age.
@MrMerryMurder - Marriage was a big deal because there weren't as many options for people in the past as there are today. Inheritance was often the only way for children to have any property of their own, and in many cultures, it was important to know who sired whom so that the property was properly passed on (and for those second, third, fourth, etc children to start planning). Also, marriage was likely to be a business or political arrangement. Again, knowing who sired which child could mean the difference between an advantageous marriage that increased wealth and power, one that kept things stable, or one that harmed both parties.
These days, getting married supposedly signifies that the parties are willing to commit to each other and to any children. Certain celebrities aside, that's not entirely unjustified.
ReplyQuite.
f**k you for even suggesting Inglorious Basterds or Star wars is anywhere near as awesome as LOTR
ReplyIndeed #7 would really change everything. Like my virginity for example.
Replyyou know how avatar is like related to 3 things (DancesW/Wolves, Furn Jelly, and Smurfs) yet gets ripped on for being a rip off, yet the Dark Knight is related to dozens of crime films (heat for example) and follows the same formula as every comic book movie ever and never gets ripped on... idk, just thought I had a point here.
ReplyI mostly didn't like avatar because of the plot.
When I was watching it with my mother, the first time the villain appeared I asked "is that the bad guy" (as she had already seen it) and said "yes" and I was immediately disinterested because the plot was so obvious.
Furn Jelly? lols
It's not that big of a deal if the rest of the story of Troy is discovered and turns out to be 'the Hellenic Star Wars Episode I', it just means we have another reason to be reluctant loaning any more money to the Greece so that they can buy more Abrams tanks they'll never need.
Replyepisode 1 was pretty awesome if you watch the version where they edited out all the crappy jar jar scenes
Reply"minus the plot stolen from the Dances With Wolves DVD on loan from Billy Zane"
Reply"Book of the Wars of The LORD" is likely just another name for The Torah and Joshua combined.
ReplyI like Episode I
ReplyYou're in the middle of talking about the bible's long lost book of pornography and use the phrase 'second coming' and fail to make a joke? For shame, Cracked.
ReplyMongols!!!!
ReplyWell, at least we have an ancient book of Jewish folklore to keep us from masturbating. That's one small step for man...kind. Right?
ReplyOr the Book of the history of the Kings of Israel (Not to be confused with Kings), Which would have detailed every king between David and the overthrow of the monarchy in Israel. That would have been fairly influential.
ReplyActually that is just another name for Kings, Kings is actually only it shortened. Like calling "Return of The Jedi" Jedi.
In response to Mithrandir, actually Im pretty sure Zachary is talking about the Annals of the Kings of Israel. Kings itself references the Annals many times by saying in essence, if you want to know everything else this king did, its all in the Annals. So yeah, he has a point. Pretty sure if we had a copy of that historians would go nuts.
Fellowship of the Inglorius Jedi...
ReplyAlright, now why the HELL can't I get that awesomeness out of my brain?!!
What about the books authored by Thoth? I'd give my right arm to the shoulder for any three of them.
Replyfellowship of the inglorious jedi sounds like the kind of movie where someone would say "the book was better", when the movie would be FUCNALAKSFJKING AWESOME
Reply