6 Insane Fan Theories That Actually Make Great Movies Better
#3.
The Little Brother Dies In Radio Flyer
In this 1992 film, Elijah Wood and that kid from Jurassic Park play two young brothers who live in fear of their abusive stepfather. The non-hobbit son concocts a plan to escape on his Radio Flyer wagon. At the end of the film, he and his wagon careen off a cliff, only to fly up, up, and away from his crappy life.
The Theory
There are a couple theories floating around here. One is that the younger brother is a mental fiction created by Elijah Wood's narrator to cope with the abuse--it's notable that no one except the narrator's family interacts with the younger brother. Another theory (which even Roger Ebert suggested) is that the younger brother plummets to his death or is beaten to death by his stepfather.
Furthermore, the narrator's final lines ("Now do you understand what I mean about history being in the mind of the teller? [...]'Cause that's how I remember it.") lend further credence to all of these totally depressing scenarios.
You're a goddamned liar, Tom Hanks!
Why does it make the film better?
Radio Flyer was panned for its saccharine and frankly retarded ending, and the fan theories give the film a more poignant twist. However, we at Cracked find both of these endings wholly unsatisfactory and instead choose to believe that the kid was shanghaied away by Falcor.
Fact: Every movie should end like this.
#2.
A Shitload Of Films End In The Heroes' Heads
Quick quiz: What do Minority Report, Taxi Driver, Total Recall and Observe and Report have in common? If you said "that hooker with three boobs," we dig your style, but no dice.
Give up? The final act of all of these movies takes place entirely in the protagonists' minds.
The Theories
Minority Report and Total Recall are based on the works of Phillip K. Dick, a sci-fi author notorious for exploring human perceptions of reality. In Total Recall, the entire point of the film is that you're not quite sure where the simulation Arnold purchased ends and begins (and a major plot point involves the bad guys trying to rescue him from the simulation, or claiming they were). So it's plausible, and even likely, that the ending (or even the entire damn movie) occurred in the brainwashed Arnold Schwarzenegger's mind.
Less obvious is the shiny, happy ending of the neo-noir Minority Report, with the three rescued psychics living out their lives in an idyllic cabin right out of a Thomas Kinkade painting. It feels so out-of-place that it could very well be a delusion of Tom Cruise's Xenu-infested skull. Remember, Cruise's character was briefly imprisoned in that futuristic iJail where the prisoners' brains remained free to dream. It's possible that the "escape" and heroism was all part of the fantasy that keeps the prisoners from escaping (just like the "Zion is also the Matrix" theory).
On a similar note, critics have interpreted the weirdly cheerful ending of Taxi Driver as the dying thoughts of Travis Bickle. Hell, even Scorsese admits that the film's overly happy ending is a cipher. This same theory applies to Taxi Driver homage Observe and Report: After Seth Rogen stops taking his medication, his schlubby bipolar mall cop saves the day and gets the girl through a series of grossly improbable events (including Rogen beating a dozen policemen and shooting a guy with no consequences).
Paul Blart ends this way too.
Why Do They Make These Films Better?
The final scenes of each seem to clash with the movies' overall message. These fan theories reaffirm the films' darker themes while offering the audience twists of Shyamalanian proportions.
These theories also give us hope for other films too. For example, we have our own theory that The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull occurs entirely in Indiana Jones's mind--he hallucinates the whole goddamn mess while slowly dying from radiation poisoning in a lead-lined fridge.
We actually hope that Indy is dead. Just so this never happened.
#1.
Chewbacca and R2-D2 Are Secret Rebel Agents
When George Lucas introduced his magnum opus, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, he tried to shoehorn in perhaps every damn character from the original series, the obese Rancor keeper from Return of the Jedi notwithstanding.
Third Year Consecutive Tatooine Spring Break Wet T-Shirt Contest Champion.
By plopping beloved characters as R2-D2 into the thick of previous events, many fans realized that Lucas had created Chrysler-sized plot holes. For example, R2-D2 and C-3PO basically witnessed Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader, but this fact is never mentioned in the original trilogy. Neither is the fact that Yoda and Chewbacca knew each other (seen fighting alongside one another in Episode III), making it a spectacular coincidence that Luke and Obi-Wan just happened to run into him when looking for a ride off Tatooine in Episode IV.
The Theory:
Lucas tried to cover the "why in Episode IV does C-3PO seem ignorant of everything he saw in the prequels" plot hole by having Bail Organa wipe his memory. But one incredibly detailed theory suggests that someone in the Star Wars universe realized that rebooting the droids was a godawful idea. After all, R2-D2 and C-3PO had just witnessed the rise of the Galactic Empire firsthand. Why the hell would the Rebels delete this precious intel?
According to this theory, R2-D2 must have convinced Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi to spare him a memory wipe, whereas C-3PO was not so lucky. During the 20 or so years between Revenge of the Sith and A New Hope, the two robots travel undercover; Threepio suspects that he and R2 are affiliated with the Rebels, but unbeknownst to the golden dandypants, R2 has been in communication with the Rebel Alliance the whole time.
He also never tells Threepio that he's really a tiny man in a can.
In RoTS, Chewie is good friends with Yoda and a high-ranking warrior during the defense of Kashyyyk. Why would a second-in-command of the Wookiee army suddenly slum it with Han Solo, a smuggling lowlife? Because Yoda--who's holed up on his toilet planet--needed Chewie to be his eyes and ears.
The theory further states that Chewbacca convinces Han to work with Jabba the Hutt; this way Chewie can frequently visit Tatooine and keep tabs on Luke Skywalker. We further presume Chewie's other unofficial title was "Incest Cop," and he shoved Han into the mix whenever Luke and Leia capered off to play "Hide The Womp Rat."
Why does it make the film better?
The theory bestows the series' sidekicks with a much greater narrative dignity. It also makes Chewbacca's cameo in Revenge of the Sith something more than a totally crass reason to introduce the "Kashyyyk Resistance Fighter Chewbacca" action figure.
"Medals? Oh, yeah, no thanks. We're good."
The theory adds some fascinating subtext to the original films, and also makes the prequels, well, worth watching. Most importantly, if this theory was true, George Lucas would get some serious critical cred. And Lord knows, he could use it.
Pic offered without comment.
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Is that final picture of Jarjar a sex toy, candy, or both? Maybe I don't want to know...
ReplyAre you stupid, or just new? EVERYTHING is a sex toy.
On a note semi-related to entry number 5: The Matrix Revolutions was a terrible movie. Neo basically beats Agent Smith by saying, POWER OF LOVE, BITCH!!!! Agent Smith giving that stupid speech about the concept of love is so corny it made me want to go into the Matrix, especially considering it's eternally 1999 and I would be spared this movie, as well as Transformers 2, Battlefield Earth, Episode II and III of the Star Wars prequels, and The Happening.
Reply#4 reminds me that nout is real and I should f**k as many cleaning ladies as I please. If it's all in Cameron's head, then it is the best Head in the western f*****g world! If you don't like it then answer to car bonet, you massive cunt! HUZZAH!
ReplyNone of them want to fuck you though
Doesn't matter.
#2 rings reminiscent of the film Brazil.
ReplyAnd for #4, I reference the fan-made trailer reimagination "Ferris Club."
"Fact: Every movie should end like this."
ReplyI just had a random thought about that applying to Saving Private Ryan.
All those movies except for taxi driver and total recall, sucked.
Replythat's besides the point.
bueller shouldve been number 1.
Reply{{-_-}} My friend just met a cutest girl on --CasualLoving. c'0m--. It's where for men and women looking for intimate encounters.
ReplyIt's a nice place for people who wanna start a short-term relationship....no bounds or extremes in front of true love.
++++++Life is short. Enjoy yourself. 16
"Life is short enjoy yourself."
You know what I'd enjoy? Wiping all you spambots off the face of the earth and smiting your offspring from recorded history! But hey, that's just me.
I want a meaningful overnight relationship
I think 007 as a code for the current top spy of MI6, along with the name "James Bond", is still plausible. This is because in Golden Eye, one of Bond's former KGB enemy noted that "I've heard that the new M is now a woman". It doesn't take much retconning and good script writing for that fact to become true.
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesBut in Casino Royale, Daniel Craig was James Bond before being the top agent.
@Steve-Maybe they only took in agents whose name is James Bond=)
maybe the daniel craig JB was the origin for the name added to the tittle of 007? whoo?!
The producers have made it clear: No code name. From Connery to Brosnan it was one man in a floating timeline, then was rebooted with Craig. You can say it's a code name all you want, but it'll be like eating a Big Mac and telling yourself it's carrots.
Or maybe "James Bond, 007" all comes together. In the paperwork he's referred to as "Agent 007," but people outside the office have to have a name for him. Try it. Go change your name to "846" and see if people don't get uncomfortable around you. Hence, "James Bond." His real name could be "Clarence Ringley" or something, but lucky guy that he is, he aces the tests and gets a whole new identity - with some badass exploits of all the other Bonds to add to his bad guy fear factor.
@ Judex Or eating pizza and calling it a vegeta- FUCK.
There might be more than a single one at any given time all going under the same codename, and the movies simply just follow the events surrounding just one of them at a time.
What about the movie The King of Comedy with Robert DeNiro? Total theory that the ending happens in his head, which makes much more sense and makes an absolutely weird movie sensible.
ReplyAm I the only one who thought it was obvious that Neo's powers outside the Matrix were the result of him receiving Machine transmissions? He can "see" anything with machine code in it but not things which don't have it, because what he "sees" is information the machines are "telling" each other about their power distribution. And he blows up Sentinels by sending them a self-destruct code. He's got implants in his head just like all the others, but his status as "the one" really just means his subconscious can control the technology to an extent beyond what's otherwise humanly possible. I never thought there was anything strange about this.
ReplyThat makes sense, but you also have to consider that The Architect mentioned making many versions of the Matrix. He said that some were too perfect and nobody believed the illusion. This would make explain why they would put a "real world" safety net matrix, to catch all of the non-believers.
The implants in modified humans were designed to stimulate through direct contact. Perhaps you are right about Neo receiving machine transmissions... but how would he 'send them a self destruct code'? Bluetooth?
It does fit with most accepted Star Wars mythos that Chewy could have been a rebel agent working for Yoda considering it's usually accepted that the Wookies are a very intelligent race, but because of how their vocal cords evolved they lost a lot of the socializing that comes with the ability to communicate with language, and thus became great warrior nations instead, where fighting and tactics determine the outcome instead of words and arguments.
ReplyAnd R2 being a Rebel isn't any difficult to discover fact. It's clear from the beginning of A New Hope that he and 3PO are Rebel droids.. due to the fact that they're Rebel droids being hunted by the Empire..
ReplyYeah, being aboard a rebel ship containing the Death Star blueprints is hard to cover with an alibi
Yeah I sort of assumed that was true about R2D2 the whole time.
The Star Wars theory is interesting, but it's not true in the approved by Lucas sense of the word. Chewie was with Han because he owed the smuggler a Wookiee life debt due to Han freeing him from the spice mines of Kessel. And those plot holes with R2 and C-3PO are still empty plot holes. R2 had twenty years to fill 3PO in on what was wiped from his memory, and Luke could understand R2 also. So, R2 was basically a secret a*****e, letting Luke and Leia get freaky and not informing Luke of the fact that Vader was his father. Oh well, he's still the greatest droid since HK-47.
ReplyI still both love and use the phrase "meat-bag".
I love and use an actual meat-bag. And when I say love, I mean use. And when I say use, I mean love.
What's amusing sometimes is that while some theories might be really what's going on, in other cases the creators have made it clear that the theories are totally wrong, but people cling to them anyway. The makers of the Bond films are adamant that they view the code name theory as nonsense, that Bond was one man in a floating timeline from Connery to Brosnan, then rebooted with Craig. And yet the code-name theorists clap their hands over their ears and go running in the opposite direction. It's an amusing idea but in the light of statements from the producers it's clear that it's dead wrong. I think the same is true of the Matrix theory. Not sure about the others...
ReplyThe little brother does die in Radio Flyer, or at least injured. It's not a fan theory. The story is told from the point of view of the older brother, who remembers his stepfather as being bad, his mother as being weak, and himself as the rescuer of his brother. The voiceover at the end is to explain this to audience members who couldn't figure it out.
ReplyThe better theory is that James Bond is a Time Lord.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesdang you beat me to it.
He sucks at keeping companions around...
Well, Timothy Dalton DID play a Time Lord in a Doctor Who Christmas special.
So are M and Q, for that matter.
This is all awesome except doesn't ferris's family and fact that the principle is after him and that he has a house where he lives separate from Cameron throw off his imaginability?
ReplyNot at all, if I had an imaginary friend I'm sure I'd imagine he lived indoors and had parents, and c'mon, in what way does principal Rooney's day NOT seem like what a crazy kid would imagine happening to the "bad guy" in the story?
I agree with Truthseiyer. Besides, does Cameron have siblings? None are mentioned. But he's seen guys around him get annoyed with their sisters, so even if he can't have one, his imaginary best friend can. Plus Cameron's parents are made out to be total jerks, so his amazing friend Ferris would have parents that get along great and are total schmucks for Ferris' antics. Ferris also has a separate house from Cameron in the way that DID patients are unaware of their other personalities. When Cameron gets depressed/stressed/burned out, Ferris "calls" to him and keeps bugging him until he stops his current behaviors and blows off some steam. But the wuss part of Cameron's mind would expect heavy repercussions for ditching school (though more likely from his awful father) so of course the principal becomes Ferris' arch nemesis.
Notice that Ferris' girlfriend, however, has no house or parents. She just lives on the other side of a tall wall.
I actually had one of those "Jar Jar Tongue" suckers as a kid. Is it weird that I considered what I was doing, but wanted it anyways?
ReplyI did too.
But I didn't like it, you sicko.
if the star wars theory is really true, that makes it even more depressing that chewy didnt get a medal. :(
Reply