#3. In Front of an Audience
If you're going to quit, you might as well do it in front of a bunch of people so somebody can describe you in detail to the police. The below Moe's manager decided to dance to "Ice Ice Baby," a song that somehow expressed his desire to pursue better employment with lyrics like, "the girls were hot wearing less than bikinis," and "wax a chump like a candle."
It actually seems to be sort of entertaining until he rips open his shirt, at which point everyone in the dining room gets a little uncomfortable.
But the best part is, he doesn't clock out until afterward, which means he actually got paid for three minutes of poorly lip-syncing along with a bad song.
Then we have Inetta "The Mood Setta" Hinton, a DJ for an R&B and hip-hop station in Louisiana, who had an on-air meltdown, letting everyone know how much she hated her job. Probably because 16-year olds that sweep up popcorn and used condoms at the movie theater get paid more than she did. So she made a special announcement shitting on all her coworkers before literally declaring "I quit this bitch" and leaving the station, presumably to pursue the exciting career opportunities that await people unable to handle the demands of radio DJ-ing.
#2. With Twitter
Twitter is great for getting your ass fired, but it's also an effective method of offering up a resignation letter in 140 characters or less. Just ask Paula Abdul, who bailed on American Idol, the first televised plague in human history, via a post on her Twitter account, which in keeping with both Paula and American Idol is the most professional thing to do, ever.
Even MC Skat Kat would've at least called.
But hands down the best Twitter quitter is probably Heidi Lunde, who was working for a Norwegian news site where she was told that she'd be responsible for all the user-generated content coming to the site, pretty much meaning she'd have to sort her way through a huge pile of bullshit every single day to find something worth publishing.
So Heidi tweeted she'd just cleaned out her desk and was ready for new challenges, which sounds pretty vague but in actuality she just meant she had moved all her things upstairs to start her new position. That's when her boss called and asked why she resigned over Twitter without telling him first.
A formal meeting was set up to discuss the incident, but her boss promptly blew it off and told Heidi that she needed to submit a formal resignation. Realizing that her job sucked and her boss was about as intelligent as a moldy pancake, she quit for real.
#1. With a Novel
If you have access to a publisher, and the attention span to write a Fuck You that's a few million characters longer than the 140 characters allowed by Twitter. Writers have been insulting people for as long as anyone has been able to read, but some are especially adept at uppercutting their resignations into the taints of their former employers. Take Ernest Hemingway. He was trapped in a contract with a man named Horace Liverwright and wanted out of it for serious artistic reasons, namely because another publisher was offering him a shitload more money and he resented being trapped by anything less than a fire-breathing dinosaur.
"I said 'shitload,' Shitload! Didn't you hear me?!"
So Hemingway wrote his first novel The Torrents of Spring, clocking in at under 100 pages and featuring two protagonists, one that bones a young Native American woman and runs off with her into the wilderness and another that takes mescaline and hallucinates that he's the President of Mexico. In other words, he wrote a book that was completely unpublishable by the standards of the time. But he did it on purpose.
"Let's see him sell this piece of shit."
Horace promptly released Hemingway from the contract, freeing him to pursue the more favorable publishing deal and go on to write several classics of American literature, buy a house in Key West and have sex with countless women. This he also did on purpose.
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To know when it's time to quit as awesomely as these people did, check out 6 Emails You Get When Your Company Is About to Go Under. Or find out about some people who probably shouldn't have been at their job to begin with, in The 6 Most Disastrous Uses of Work Email Ever.
And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 1.5.2010) to see what happens when you try to quit Cracked (the end result is your family receiving a bullet casing and a bill).