#2. The Oak Island Money Pit
In 1775, Daniel McGinnis was out walking on an island in Nova Scotia when he noticed a large hole in the ground with a tackle block hanging from a tree above it.
To save everyone a trip to Wikipedia, this is a picture of a tackle block.
McGinnis thought this was strange, considering Oak Island was unpopulated and not much use for anything outside of relaxing hikes and the disposal of dead hookers. He used the evidence at hand to deduce that without question, there was treasure to be had in that there pit. His claim sparked tons of treasure seekers that continue unabated to this day.
We will assume most of them look like this.
Theories about what is buried in the Oak Island Money Pit range anywhere from Black Beard's pirate treasure to Marie Antoinette's jewels. The most "compelling" piece of evidence is a rock slab pulled from the pit that allegedly says, "40-feet below, two-million pounds are buried."
Yep. That's totally what this says.
"Awesome! So how do I get it?"
Well, for 20 years nobody has produced anything that could even be disguised as evidence of hidden booty, except for some gold coins found a few dozen feet down in the pit that probably just fell out of someone's pocket back in the 17th century.
All and all, fortunes have been squandered and six men have lost their lives in the hopes of finding gold that no one has any great reason to believe really exists at the bottom of a pit that no one has any reason to believe actually has a fucking bottom.
There's something down there, dammit, and my dick says it's treasure.
#1. Nazi Loot
Evidently dissatisfied with all the conquering and murdering they were currently engaged in, the Nazis hatched a plan at the height of their power to flood Britain and America with fake currency and destroy both countries' economies. Part of this cunning plan included dropping the counterfeit money out of airplanes and assuming people wouldn't notice a rainfall of pure cash or think that such a thing was unusual.
"Fiddlesticks, I forgot my umbrella."
The plan was called Operation Bernhard and had it ever gone into effect it might have been successful. The notes the Nazis had forged by their various prisoners of war were so good they were almost indistinguishable from real currency. But in 1945, the project was canceled because Germany was getting punched in the bratwurst by America.
Not wanting to waste years of hard work, the Nazis packed up their printing presses, the fake notes and stolen gold and priceless art, and set off on a long hike up the Austrian Alps. Upon arriving at Lake Toplitz, they tossed every last bit of their riches right into the goddamned water.
"See, Terry? Lakes."
Did we mention this lake is located so far up a mountain that fish can't live in it below a certain depth because there's no fucking oxygen? The Nazis didn't just take their ball and go home. They took their ball and threw it into the goddamn sun.
"Awesome! So how do I get it?"
You'll have some obstacles to overcome. For instance, in 2002, an expedition was launched to find the lost treasure, but one thing stood in their way: Austria.
They don't like talking about the Nazis and will actually throw people in jail for mentioning them. After some heated negotiations, a team was given 30 days to find the treasure, an incredibly tight schedule for what they were trying to do.
Their cameras could only see three feet of lake bottom at any time, and if they moved too low or too fast, silt would build up and blind the cameras' limited visibility. To make matters worse, they got lost in the dense maze of fallen trees that had piled up in the lake over the years, and their boat was mercilessly pounded by hailstorms. Best of all, the navigation system was struck by lightning and stopped working.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOLD!"
Despite all the shenanigans, the expedition still managed to find some of the Nazi's counterfeit money. All the gold and artwork is still down there though, just waiting for the next insane attempt to recover it.
Looks like you've got some packing to do.
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