|
This year was a monster for celebrity deaths: Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, David Carradine, Patrick Swayze... even Bea Arthur and Ed McMahon are probably boning in Heaven as we speak (and if you're in Hell, you get the cam-feed). But while you're rushing out to buy Thriller memorial parasols and Kung Fu Forever neckties, a lot of other important people kicked the bucket that the media didn't deem important enough to tell you about. Once again, these are the most overlooked deaths of 2009--a notoriously murderous year: #13.
January 14: KHAAAANN!!!
Who: Ricardo Montalban, owner/operator of Fantasy Island and professional KHAAAAANN!!! How: Congestive heart failure. The Legacy: As one of few working Hispanic actors in the 50s, Montalban was mostly used as the go-to guy when a movie about attractive white people needed a miscellaneous foreign person to laugh at or to learn inscrutable wisdom from. Examples of these roles include everything from Indians to Jamaicans, and one time even a Japanese Samurai--where he presumably infused the role with his trademark Latin suavity and almost assuredly did so with an anachronistically oiled bare chest.
Years of playing the embodiment of racism inspired Montalban to develop a foundation dedicated to raise the profile of Hispanic actors, and he even had a theater named for him in 1999. Also, "KHAAAAAANNN!!!!" #12.
January 15: Glenn Close's Dad (Who May Have Saved Your Life)
Who: William Close. Father of actress Glenn Close, doctor, and ex-air force pilot. All in all not a very exceptional man... except for that time he actually lived the plot of Outbreak... and won! He was a doctor in Zaire in the mid-70s when Ebola broke out in a rural hospital... near the Ebola River (side note: Not for nothing, Africans, but you really should've seen that one coming. If we lived next to Black Plague Creek, for example, we'd probably just move). Shit got expectedly crazy: roads were blocked, most of the hospital staff was killed, air travel was restricted. It got so bad that the president of the country even fled to France. Of the 318 infected people, roughly 90 percent died. And then Close flew in (possibly on the back of a giant hawk or some kind of winged lion) grabbed the remaining medic's protective gear and somehow "broke the chain of transmission," thus killing the virus off. We're far too stupid to understand complex biology, so we're going to assume he did so with a karate chop.
How: Heart attack. The Legacy: You're not reading this with blood coming out of your tear ducts with 15 minutes to live while Dustin Hoffman fistfights a plague-monkey on top of your prone, melting body. So, thanks, Glenn Close's Dad! #11.
April 7: The Prince of Geeks
Who: Dave Arneson. If Gary Gygax was the King of Geeks, then Dungeons and Dragons co-creator Dave Arneson was the Prince--or at least some sort of Arch-duke (we're not really sure how the nerd feudal system works). The pair met at a gaming convention in the late 1960s, perhaps after admiring each other's Hawaiian-shirts-and-beard combos.
How: Cancer. The Legacy: His class, "Rules of the Game," taught many a budding game developer how to accurately document and create balanced rule sets, the likes of which certainly helped lead to the popularization of the role-playing game and the subsequent rise of the MMO. Without Arneson and Gygax's work, WoW would merely be an exclamation of surprise from somebody that hates punctuation, or a suffix for Sham. #10.
May 18: The Voice of Mickey Mouse
Who: Wayne Allwine voice actor and the third voice of Mickey Mouse from 1977 until his death in 2009. He is survived by his wife, Russi Taylor, the current voice of Minnie Mouse. Wait... they were actually married? Has Disney been non-fiction this whole time?! Excuse us while we go rob the shit out of Scrooge McDuck and bone us some Jasmine. How: Complications from diabetes. The Legacy: He was responsible for the defining characteristic of the single most recognizable cartoon character in history, the happiness of countless children and an impression that castratos can finally pull off at parties.
#9.
May 31: The Last Remaining Survivor of the Titanic
Who: Millvina Dean. At nine weeks old, she was the youngest passenger on board the Titanic, and would live to be its last survivor. The fact that you're picturing her as Kate Winslet, and then picturing Kate Winslet pretend-flying on the bow, and then settling on an image of Kate Winslet's breasts has nothing to do with her life.
How: Pneumonia. The Legacy: Her ashes were scattered where the Titanic set sail, which kind of seems like poor taste to us. You generally don't want to be memorialized at the site of the worst disaster of your life. They didn't bury Napoleon at Waterloo and they're probably not going to sprinkle Tiger Woods's ashes on top of a bunch of whores. Show some respect. #8.
September 12: The Guy Who Saved Billions of Lives
Who: Norman Borlaug was an agronomist, humanitarian and Nobel Laureate. He was not that fire-cow thing that fought Gandalf in the Mines of Moria.
Borlaug introduced a high-yield, disease resistant wheat to Mexico, Pakistan and India, and later applied himself to aiding food production in Africa and Asia. This in turn saved billions of people worldwide from starvation. That's right: billions. The man single-handedly saved an entire continent's worth of people, and you've probably already forgotten who he is twice while reading this paragraph. How: Lymphoma. The Legacy: The savior of billions dying barely rated a mention in the news this year. Farrah Fawcett wore a bikini well back in the 70s and she got international coverage. Good job, society. #7.
September 16: Not Peter, Not Paul, but Mary
Who: Mary Travers, singer for 1960s folk pop group Peter, Paul and Mary--whose name is now a euphemism for being the only woman in a threesome, thanks to that gross Britney Spears song ("1, 2, 3, Peter, Paul and Mary, Gettin' down with 3P, Everybody loves, Ooh"). How: Leukemia. The Legacy: She was partially responsible for Puff the Magic Dragon, and therefore roughly half of the stoned conversations in the entire world, tied only with retarded theories about religion and the decision as to whose turn it is to get Fritos.
|
5 Reasons It's Still Not Cool to Admit You're a Gamer
9 Beloved Characters Made Horrifying by Japan
6 People Who Turned a Life of Crime Into Legitimate Careers
6 Classics Despised by the People Who Created Them
Jul 31st: A Day In Cracked History
The 6 Most Misguided Causes Ever Made Famous by Celebrities
The Lohan Verdict With Subtitles: What Her Lawyer Said
7 Celebrities Who Had Badass Careers You Didn't Know About
The 7 Most WTF Post-Fame Celebrity Careers
Copyright © 2005 – 2010 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Twitter
Fark
welcome to our website:
W W W - CCSHOPPING - U S
50%off ca,ed hardy t-shirt$15 jeans,coach handbag$33,air max90,dunk,polo t-shirt$13,,lacoste t-shirt $13 air jordan for sale,l nba jersy for sale sale,$35,nfl nba jersy for sale
and so on..
if you like to order anything you like.
More details,
please just browse our website Quality is our Dignity;
Service is our Lift.
enjoy yourself.
thank you!!
W W W (CCSHOPPING ) U S
f**k you bot
Henry Gibson died?!?! I luved him in Wedding crashers. He was in other movies but i forget what ones
.......g*******t.
f**k you guys, seriously. At least /x/ doesn't do this s**t to me.
Don't forget about Dan O'Bannon, who passed away on December 17, 2009. He took a horrible idea, make a Night of the Living Dead sequel without George Romero, and made it kick so much ass that it actually stomped Romero's own Day of the Dead at the box office. It's the first time that zombies craved braaaiiins and featured a naked booby dance from Linnea Quigley.....he also wrote Alien.
Norman Borlaug is who Al Gore and his ilk of horses**t greeneis wish they could be. This society and world should hide their heads in shame for not knowing who this man was and did. Same thing with Martin Gardner leaving the mortal coil this year. But we do know about s**t bag actors and sports players. Due to the stupidity of people we are governed by useless a*****es from top to bottom. Check out Tom Campbell. Instead we have this silly cow who damn near killed HP running against the stupidest senator in the USA Barbara (call me senator )Boxer. What a waste. Oh BTW Captain Lou was the coolest around.
Okay, let's get a couple of things straight: First, Lou Albano himself never actually stomped anything to death, his character just acted out silly skits in between the cartoons. Second, those animals in Super Mario's world were not non-threatening. I don't care what kind of animal it is, if touching it causes you to die, then you'd better stomp it. Are you going to tell me that King Koopa was non-threatening? He had huge metal spikes on the back of his tortoise-shell. This is bulls**t.
You're taking this way too seriously...
The Koopas are the foot soldiers of a mushroom hate-in, princess kidnapp-en, plumber kill-en psychopath.
know what? im with ya! if i saw a frikkin mushroom or (possibly flying) turtle that was roughly my same size coming at me id jump on it too. im amazed he wasnt packin heat after game two!
Something can be dangerous AND non-threatening, you know
I hate that I've read about Norman Borlaug several times, and not just in this article, and I still can not remember his name. He doesn't even have that unusual of a name but for some reason it's hard to remember.
I'd just like to say that I'm glad Norman Balrog sacrificed his life so that Gandalf could become Gandalf the white and Frodo could destroy the ring in Mordor.
Great article, I must admit I feel a little sad now"/
However, I wouldn't say Michael Jackson's death was "overlooked"
Neither does the article. The last item is about Evan Chandler, not MJ.
No Richard Wright? Keyboardist/Pianist from Pink Floyd?
RIP Rick :(
The nerd feudal system...hahahahahahaah~
And yes, there have been many arguments about "who has to get Fritos"...except it's usually about Whataburger or something.
i knew it, Michael Jackson was not a child molester, so the conspiracy is true...
have you seen him holding the kids hand in that video were the kid admited that hi lived and slept with him in the same room! you just loved his music that dont give a f**k about what he did
'that dont give a f**k about what he did'.
I think those are words we can all aspire to learn something from.
Maybe he didn't rape that one kid but just listen to the lyrics, its obvious he had an unusual fascination with children. If this was somebody who wasn't famous, you people would care a lot more. This "he was on tv so i don't give a f**k about what he did" mentality is just plain idiotic.
This was kinda funny, but significant knowledge that needs to be shared to others especially the legacy of Mr. Borlaug. May he rest in peace.
Agreed.
what?! u shudve totally had The Rev Tholamew from avenged sevenfold on here
but avenged sevenfold sucks too much
I agree, they should have added The Rev.
hey lets play a game, lets talk about bands you've probably never heard of and then say they suck, oh wait you already started.
Yeah most of it "sucks" in my opinion but who cares? Most of the music you like probably sounds like s**t to me.
I love bat country, f**k anyone who judges a band based on every single song. Just listen to what you like.
Didn't Gary Gygax die in 2008?
Yes, but Dave Ameson (AKA the other guy responsible for D&D) died in 2009. So, you know, good job on that whole reading thing.
It is a shame more people didn't know about him. But there is something really poetic in how Norman Borlaug lived. Came to the world quietly, set the bar for humanity several magnitudes higher than it ever had been and passed away quietly.
Amen to that. The definition of humility.
Where's Les Paul, damnit?! The man created the electric guitar, f**king INVENTED all modern music and most of its production techniques and he gets NOTHING. The only reason I even know he's dead is because it was mentioned once -- ONCE -- on NBC Nightly News. Now THAT, ladies and gentleman, is an overlooked death. certainly more worth getting #1 on this list than some random dude who pooped on Michael Jackson's career.
Hell f**king yeah. Without him we'd probably still be making music out of our own feces or something.
RALMAO @djentley
yeah nobody would have thought of the "electric instruments" concept without him.
Les Paul was the hottest but are u being cynical about the music of feces. My farts are musical (mostly baratone).
You really, REALLY have to do something about all those advertising.
Yeah. There were 9 f**king ads in a row!
Start charging for membership?
http://www.etradingitems.com/
Dear friends，
How are you now?
There are many new products on our site .they are fit for you beauty lady and handsome.
If you have time ,you can browse on as you appriciate the good views.our company has been founfed for 6 years.which is authoritative.many uk,usa people order to us and like our products.so you neednt worry about is a Fraud Company.
We support the paypal email and shipping fee is free,I think it is a good news to order your items
If you have any questions or difficult,you can contacy with me,I will do my best for you.. I will give you some surprise.
if you have any need, you can contact with me , i will do my best for you. if you order over $200, i will send you free things like cap ,sunglass,belt,wallet ,tiffinay,you can choose one of them,i just have the right to send you free things when you order on my site. i am the member of our company, dont worry about i will chat you, i have many loyal customers, i am sure you will be my good partner,too.
Looking forward to hearing from you .TKS
GOD BLESS TO YOU
http://www.etradingitems.com/
Kvinnan86 "little white crackers" You realise in the context of your (overtold) joke that's redundant right?
Also, why do people who frequent a humour site need to have jokes explained to them? AnyaP seemed offended by the comment about people living next to the ebola river should have seen the ebola outbreak coming. This is just a reiteration of a joke made in that one movie with billy crystal and robin williams (i think) about lou gherrig dying of lou gherrig's disease and robin williams commenting "Wow what are the chances"
Also, who gives a flying horsef**k that Billy Mays died. He was just a cocaine addicted screaming halfwit pitch man, and the most tragic thing about his death is the fact that they still run his commercials, so I still have to hear his coke fueled idiocy.
to all the people who keep complaining about the rankings..... FFS, IT'S IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER!!!!!!!!! lol :P