Cars have come a long way since the days when they ran on four hooves and were called "horses." Since then, we've innovated the electric motor, fuel injection and decorative rubber scrotums. What could possibly be left?
Unfortunately, as you'll soon find out, quite a bit. A whole lot of computerized wizardry is coming to your car, and some of it will make your life a living hell.
For every new technology, there's some busybody utterly terrified it'll commit mass murder. There were probably people campaigning against the dangerous, untested Segway. So leave it to these safety advocates to insist that hybrids, with their wussy quiet engines, need to have some sort of warning sound to alert pedestrians and blind people when they're coming.
Really? Are we crazy, or do regular cars not make all that much noise right now? It's not like everybody's growling down the street in a Harley these days.
How It'll Ruin Your Life:
The "warning sound," as it turns out, isn't going to stop with a fake "vroom." Oh, no, that would be far too limiting in a world where everybody has replaced their cell phone ring with T-Pain. People need to express themselves. So, you'll get cars like the DiMora Natalia, which has an MP3-enabled horn. Yes, the day has arrived when you can toot some Lady GaGa at the guy who just cut you off. Take that, asshole!
Of course, this needlessly complicates the primary function of the horn: Warning people you're about to kill. In a few years, driving on the highway will mean you're being subjected to, at best, hipsters blasting classic Simpsons sound bites at you, and at worst, sixty year-olds trying to warn you they're about to plow into you at 100 MPH IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY by inadvertently pressing the button that plays a Kenny G sax solo that was engineered by 80s music producers to be the opposite of alarming. We're almost certain you're not allowed into heaven if the last thing you hear before dying is "Songbird."