5 Gaping Plot Holes Hollywood Knows You Won't Notice
There are certain types of bullshit we're less likely to call a movie on, and Hollywood has been using these logical blind spots to trick us, surprise us and generally make their jobs a whole lot easier. We're not sure which is worse: the fact that Hollywood thinks we're stupid, or the fact that these tricks so often work.
#5.
The Peekaboo Ending
To pull off a truly shocking ending, a filmmaker has to know exactly what his audience is thinking at all times, and stay two steps ahead of them. But there's a far lazier way to shock us, that only requires the filmmaker to assume his audience is as intelligent as a new born child.
Notable Offenders
Up until the shocking ending, the Cloverfield monster wants everyone within a two mile radius to know how terrifying it is. It rips the head off the statue of Liberty and bowls it up Park Avenue to announce its arrival. It's so big that when it wants to demolish the Brooklyn Bridge, it only needs to flick its tail out of the water. Also, if it sneezes within a block of you, the face-suckers from Alien rain from the sky.
In other words, if all five of your senses are in working order, a sneak attack is just about the only thing you don't have to worry about. So at the end of the film, with the three surviving protagonists standing in the middle of Central Park (the one place in Manhattan that lacks giant monster-hiding buildings) it's certainly shocking when the monster suddenly appears and (spoiler alert) eats the wacky sidekick, but it also raises some questions. Namely: When did the monster stop making a big explodey scene everywhere it went and start tip-toeing up behind people like a 100-foot-tall ninja? And how did Hollywood know you wouldn't ask that question while watching the film?
We're calling it Peekaboo Ending because it relies on the same ass-backwards logic that makes infants squeal with delight when someone hides and unhides their face. When we're born, we believe that things stop existing if we can't see them. To an infant's mushy, half formed brain, peekaboo looks like their mom is blinking in and out of existence with a stupid look on her face. Roughly translated, those squeals mean, "Holy shit, mom's a wizard."
Or occasionally, "Gaaahhhhh! Kill it, kill it, oh my God somebody kill it."
We grow out of that phase pretty quickly, but Hollywood's made a lot of money gambling that audiences will fall for the same trick. For some reason, if it's not physically up there on the screen, we have a difficult time thinking rationally about it. It's why we didn't care that Jason Vorhees walked like a less athletic zombie whenever he was on screen during the first dozen Friday the 13th movies, but somehow became the Indian Shaman from Punch Out whenever we couldn't see him.
Of course now he can run, which somehow seems even more retarded.
Would you believe us if we told you the two most iconic scenes from one of the most successful films of all time make no sense being in the same movie together? Jurassic Park's two most memorable moments are probably 1) The T-Rex causing miniature earthquakes that make various puddles and glasses of water tremble 2) The same T-Rex sneaking up and saving our heroes from the raptors like he's Mr. Miyagi. We don't know the T-Rex is there until it's snapping raptors in half, and by then everything's way too awesome to wonder where all the goddamn earth quaking disappeared to.
#4.
Of All The Ice Caves On All the Habitable Planets in the Entire Galaxy...
Chance encounters happen all the time in the real world. The phenomenon is referred to as Synchronicity in the writings of Carl Jung, and "Oh my God, soooo weird" by the high school friend you just ran into at Starbucks. In Hollywood, they're known as a convenient way to make the ridiculous plot of this movie possible.
Notable Offenders
Go to Google Maps, pick a random state, then a random city and street name. We'll wait. Back? OK, did you end up on the street that we randomly selected (Oak Street in Starke, Florida)? Of fucking course you didn't. But if you were written by JJ Abrams you would have.
How can that random girl be my sister?
Midway through JJ Abrams's lauded Star Trek reboot, Kirk gets kicked off the Enterprise for being an irritating dick, and is sent down to a barely habitable ice planet. After a giant CGI ice monster chases him into a cave, he finds himself face to face with Spock from the future!
Kirk's "Bullshit" reaction is well founded.
Let's assume for the sake of argument that the two (totally different) people who sent them there (totally independently of one another) both decided this was the best of the many habitable planets for punishing people. Fine, that puts them on the same planet. But what are the chances that the Enterprise crew drops Kirk just a CGI filled foot race away from the cave that Spock's in? Hell, even if the entire planet is the size of Rhode Island, the chances against that happening are vanishingly small.
Instead of, screaming "Oh my God" over and over again while repeatedly shitting himself, Hippy-Spock calmly explains how it is that he's here from the future.
"It must have been the science! You know how that shit's always making stuff happen, right?"
This is a version of the appeal to probability, the logical fallacy that tricks us into thinking that because something can happen it will (as we've explained before, this is the same reason non-retarded people buy lottery tickets). We're so impressed with Spock's science-y explanation of the theoretical possibility of time travel, that we take it for granted that they both ended up in the same cave. This actually isn't all that uncommon in Science Fiction. We're so busy swallowing all the flying cars and teleportation devices that we don't notice the wildly implausible plot holes they've mixed into the feedbag.
In The Fifth Element, when humanity's sexy savior panics and jumps off a building into a busy city, she conveniently crashes into a taxi driven by Bruce Willis's former military officer, who will later be assigned to be her body guard. Of course in the real world, if you get hit by a taxi you'll be lucky if they bother to stop and call an ambulance.
To be fair, we're willing to put up with quite a lot of crap to see Milla Jovovich dress like this.
#3.
Everything Important Happens to Just a Few People (For No Goddamn Reason)
You only need to give your protagonist the flimsiest excuse to get involved in the exact same plot over and over again. Dan Brown knew that. In fact, he knew it so hard that when he realized no academic field focused on the crackpot conspiracy theories, strike force commanding, word puzzles and Double Dare that his plot commanded, he gave his character a Ph.D. in symbology, a field he made up.
Another word puzzle! Shoot it!
James Bond is a Special Agent, so it makes sense that he's constantly shooting people and getting laid. Rocky slurs his words, and can take a punch because he's from Philadelphia. The point is you don't have to work very hard, or even be particularly talented, to justify making your hero the center of any number of formulaic plots.
Notable Offenders
The Star Wars universe encompasses hundreds of planets, spreading thousands of diverse species and cultures across billions of galactic citizens. And yet, everything important that's ever occurred happens to a few dozen people. At least George Lucas was smart enough (it took us an hour before our hands would stop refusing to type those five words) to base the series around a quasi-mystical Force, thus making the franchise the easiest thing to retcon into coherence since The Old Testament.
The same can't be said for the Jaws franchise, in which completely different, giant man-eating sharks repeatedly show up off the coast of the small island of Amity. When you stop to consider how rare giant serial killer sharks are, it's not surprising that the entire B plot of Jaws 2 revolves around Brody trying to convince the Mayor that he's not crazy. In fact, by the fourth film, when a shark eats Sean Brody in Amity Harbor and then follows Sheriff Brody's wife to the Bahamas, the series actually makes more sense as the delusions of a family with a very specific type of schizophrenia.
But in the category of "same shit, same guy, no explanation" nobody can hold a lighter to John McClane. Over the course of the four Die Hard films, we're asked to believe that McClane stumbles into the middle of four separate heists that are retarded for exactly the same reason. Each time, a team of armed bad guys try to steal large sums of money while pretending to commit the far worse crime of terrorism. In the real world, thieves generally don't like attracting attention. It's why bank robbers threaten to shoot the first teller to push the alarm, and why subway pickpockets subtly bump into the guy who's wallet they're trying to swipe, rather than raping him.
Only lap dances qualify as successful "hump-robbery."
But McClane's life is like a parade of explosion-themed heists. With each movie, the "fake terrorism distractions" escalate from an office Christmas party, an international airport, New York City, and finally the entire goddamn country. By the third film, when Samuel L. Jackson suggests that the guys who just blew up a good portion of New York City might be terrorists, McClane quickly assures him, "I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up 100-billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did." The villain, you see, is Hans Gruber's brother, and in John McClane's universe, the idea of attracting attention in order to commit robbery is not only logical, it's also hereditary.
Good article, but I don't know why audiences are so obsessed with "plot". It's just how characters move from A to B. My 11th grade English teacher taught us that "A novice reader cares about plot; a sophisticated reader cares about character development" and i think that is true.
ReplyHaha peekaboo ending made me laugh like a retard
ReplyI don't think the author knows what a plot hole is. This article is about plot devices. There is a huge difference.
ReplyThe objective in Die Hard was to get the FBI to turn off the power grid, so the locks on the vault would open. Knowing that in a terror attack the FBI would go by the book, they were able to tailor their escape perfectly. They never got to the escape part.
ReplyThe appeal to probability is extremely powerful. After all, it's the same reason incredibly intelligent people believe that all life on the planet comes from a proto-proto bacteria.
ReplyLet's not forget, in "Star Trek", future!Spock knew his past self gets into a fight with Kirk, thus abandoning him on the frozen planet. Regardless of what his future self does in any dimension, he KNOWS what his past self does, because um.. hello? He already did it. So he went back to that precise location knowing that's where Kirk was. It's not a coincidence, it's called: prior knowledge. He changed the outcome of his past self's abandonment of Kirk.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNo he didn't. In Future Spocks timeline, George Kirk wasn't killed by Nero and therefore James Kirk was never abandoned on Delta Vega by Present Spock.
That's why people are always calling it a plot hole, because it's a HUUUGE coincidence that they met.
Actually...Nero wanted to give Awesome Spock a good view of his planets destruction. It was only luck that Okay Spock chose to kick Kirk off the ship rather then throw him in the brig. Plot hole? I think not
yeah seriously the ice planet was right next door to Vulcan. Nero put old Spock there so he'd have an up close view of Vulcan being destroyed, and young Spock threw Kirk there because the Enterprise was leaving destroyed Vulcan and probably passing right by the ice planet. It's not a plot hole, they were both put there because of it's proximity to Vulcan.
The "Goblet of Fire" example doesn't really work, as it's explained at the end of the movie that Barty Crouch Jr. was deliberately feeding him information relevant to the tasks at hand throughout the movie/book as part of Voldemort's plan to meet him in the graveyard at the end.
ReplyOf course, this only serves to illustrate the larger problem of why Voldemort himself would bother to hatch such a needlessly complex plot when all he wanted to do was kill Harry.
I don't know if my reply went through, so I apologize if double-posted:
It's further explained in the book. Before Voldemort killed Harry, he needed Harry's blood as part of the resurrection ritual. My understanding was that any enemy's blood would suffice, but, because Harry's touch was lethal to Voldemort's body, he used the blood to defeat that vulnerability. Even after going through that, Voldemort couldn't even use his own wand!
Of course, this only serves to illustrate that the article was right and should have use the Harry Potter series as a whole :/
The Goblet of Fire doesn't work because the entire Harry Potter series is GAY.
I've thought about #3 in about every movie I've seen. I don't like the way even the small actors have so little abitlities its like they don't really exist. When those crappy films try to make it look like they've enslaved an entire society by the means of some high-tech security guards, I go flipping insane.
ReplyThe example with Casino Royale wasn't quite right. Bond was dealt his straight flush at the same time that Le Chiffre was dealt his full house, and the two other guys were dealt their hands (since you deal cards to everyone at once). So if Bond had a s****y hand he would have just folded, especially since he saw everyone else going all-in. It was simple; while it was lucky that he was dealt the straight flush, if he wasn't dealt that he would have just folded and continued playing. But it's a movie, dammit! Who wants to see James Bond fold?
ReplyI know this is old, but what hey yeah.
ReplyPersonally, I don't think Spock/Kirk on the same planet is that big a coincidence, certainly not a ridiculously large one.
Let's not forget that in Star Trek, they aren't sailing the deep blue sea where you can dump someone on any open beach if you want them off your ship. They're in f*****g SPACE. It's reasonable to assume that Kirk and Spock happen to be dumped on the same planet by their respective ass-booters because both of their parties were heading toward planet Vulcan. There aren't shitloads of planets laying about all willynilly with breathable atmospheres and decent gravity (even in the Star Trek universe).
It's a perfectly reasonable assumption that the ice planet was likely the only other planet remotely close to Vulcan that they COULD be left on. That's not illogical or ridiculous.
Now, with all of that nerdry out of the way ... I actually do agree it's silly that they happened to land on the planet within walking distance of each other. That could have been fixed with one line. "We're detecting a couple of humanoid lifeforms on the surface, we'll put him nearby."
Don't forget that Kirk's pod was placed 14 miles from the Federation outpost, and he ran into Spock on his way to it. Therefore Spock was even closer to the outpost.
It seems reasonable to assume that Nero probably made a conscious decision to leave Future Spock near the outpost, and they ran into eachother while heading in the same direction.
The Enterprise was obviously using Improbablitity Drive...
Reply"Spock, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
Claudia, you have just ascended to hero status.
So less "Won't notice" and more "won't care about because it is necessary for the plot". Yes most movies (and stories) rely on unbelievable circumstances/inconsistencies, most people don't care.
ReplyP.s. Your example from Goblet of Fire wasn't a good one since it is shown at the end of the movie that Harry was being fed information to help him win all along. He didn't 'just happen to learn it'.
J.J. Abrams may be a hack, but he doesn't give a f**k and I respect that. He routinely pulls out the most retarded bullshit ever to profane a piece of paper and couldn't care less about it. That takes balls.
ReplyThe J.J. Abrams writing process:
1. Retarded bullshit that makes no sense (Polar bears, smoke monsters, spiders that make you pop like a balloon, black hole sauce, etc.) Promise to explain said bullshit later
2. When the time comes to explain, explain with more retarded bullshit.
3. Repeat until you're at the center of an impossible Gordian knot of M. Night Shyamalan brain-vomit, and people are demanding an explanation.
4. Fade to black, roll credits, explain nothing.
Remember, if it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid.
I thought John McClane actually acknowleged the unlikelihood of him stumbling onto yet another terrorist plot in the second one. I don't recall if there's any comments like that in the 3rd one, but at least the ridiculousness of the scenario is recognized in #2.
ReplyReferencing the fact that something retarded happened does not stop it from being retarded. In fact, all it does is show that the writers and directors knew how f*****g stupid it was but, instead of adding an explanation, decided to just reference the fact and hope that people would go along with it
I'm just here to say that John McClane made it through the hole movie without shoes nor socks. I think we've established Die Hard as a comedy by then.
ReplyFave scene? "Let is snow, let it snow, let it snow" BANG!!
For the last time, Kirk running into Spock and Scotty on Delta Vega is a massive COINCIDENCE, not a plot hole.
ReplyAccording to Wikipedia:
"A plot hole, or plothole, is a gap or inconsistency in a storyline that goes against the flow of logic established by the story's plot, or constitutes a blatant omission of relevant information regarding the plot. These include such things as unlikely behaviour or actions of characters, illogical or impossible events, events happening for no apparent reason, or statements/events that contradict earlier events in the storyline."
1. It's possible that two people can meet on a planet if dropped close together. Although unlikely, it's not impossible or a breach of logic.
2. Their meeting didn't contradict any events that occurred previously in the storyline.
3. Their meeting did not happen "for no apparent reason." The fact that running into each other is extreeeemely unlikely was directly addressed by every character. Go back and watch the movie again, look at how shocked they are to see eachother.
Sure, they could have written a more realistic set of circumstances. But it's not a plot hole. Jesus.
It's such an absurd idea it may as well be a plot hole.
Also the name was probably chosen by the editors, who are notorious for having no idea how to choose an article name that isn't retarded.
What are the chances that Luke would run into Obi-Wan out in the dunes just in time to be saved from the sand people?
No one would watch movies where huge coincidences don't happen because that would be real life and it would be boring.
It still doesn't defy logic or contradict previous plot points and is therefore not a plot hole.
I laughed hard, but I do feel the need to say what has doubtlessly been said about a 100 times before in this comments section, though I refuse to check on the grounds that I can't read, Hans Gruber needed the FBI to cut lines that he couldn't (although I think a complex bomb-related solution at the power station would work better).
ReplyYou didn't see the end of The Usual Suspects coming?
The only thing stupider in the Usual Suspects than the question asked in the review (which I have asked myself since I saw it) is why the cop realized who Spacey was when he realized the guy was spinning bullshit. He was supposed to be a con artist - everything the guy said was supposed to be bullshit. Why did those lies point to him being Soze?
There's some real weak rubbish in this one mate.
ReplyT-Rex in Jurassic Park - He wasn't particularly stealthy, everyone else was just distracted by, oh I dunno, f*****g raptors!
Star Trek - No it's not a coincidence, it's destiny, someone already mentioned the Q which could be involved (also the time aliens from the last prequel series). The whole thing though is a subtle nod to someone/something interfering with time in a god-like fashion which fits in beautifully with the whole idea of the Star Trek universe being ret-conned. If they can arrange this then what's to say they didn't arrange everything else that moves the franchise onto it's current course and away from the alternate future we have already seen. Wouldn't surprise me at all to see this work out in the long run after a few more movies.
5th Element - Yes the idea of falling into a taxi like that is ridiculous, but Brucey being her bodyguard is a direct result of that, one thing causes the other, not coincidence.
Your other coincidences (apart from Dan Brown/Die Hard) also don't stack up. Bond is a secret agent, he is going to do multiple missions provided he survives (and there are theories that as Bond is an alias then he could have died and been replaced anyway). Rocky is a boxer, he will fight multiple times. Even with Jaws, fish and other animals are habitual and instinctive species, the reasons for one shark winding up there are the same reasons another could well do.
Overhearing things is overdone I'll grant you.
#1 though, are you really going to sit there and try to argue that a species that keeps building cities on flood plains/fault lines/tornado country, keeps getting into wars of religion and worst of all keeps watching X-Factor is not full to the teeth of idiots who learn nothign from experience? Please!
About the Peekaboo effect: Jason doesn't like running in front of the cameras (until the remake)because he's afraid he'll trip onscreen. After all, every time some half naked chick runs through the forest, she ends up tripping on something. Jason knows he wouldn't be as scary if he was seen tripping.
ReplyApparently he stopped worrying about it during the remake because.. uhh... crap, I ran out of decent explanations. Maybe he got new running shoes? Ah, nuts. Someone help me out here, I'm sure we can think of something!
Come on!! He is Jason!!! He doesn't need excuses!
Steriods (that amont of axe swinging etc. gotta kill your arms so steroids needed) made his balls so shrivelled that they don't hurt when he runs anymore? He sure aint getting any... that much rage and every half naked chick he meets that he could rape, he chops up, ergo (that's right, ergo bitches) blue balls hindering an accelerated gait.
#4 (almost 0 probability encounters are bound to happen) reminds me of the order of the stick comic where one of the characters (Vaarsuvius? Haley?) said something along the lines of "If it was a 50% chance or even a 75% chance, it might not happen, but if it is a one in a million chance then there is no doubt that it will."
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