The 5 Most Unintentionally Racist Movies About Racism
On Saturday we sometimes ask people whose writing we like to fill in for us. Our readers get to read something a little different, and we get to finish giving our dog full-body cornrows. Today's guest column is from the Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts, who's written movie reviews, and film commentary for Ain't It Cool News. Today he takes a look back at some films that didn't know they were being racist.
Congratulations, America! Now that we've elected a black president, there's no more racism! But don't be so modest, crackers--go ahead, pat yourselves on the back! If it wasn't for you making a bunch of well-meaning but ham-handed and accidentally racist films, why, the rest of us would have never learned our lessons! Hail our conquering heroes, the real champions of equality in America...
#5.
GLORY
The Aim: To tell the story of the Civil War's first company of black soldiers, literally fighting for their own freedom and humanity.
The Clueless White Guy Who Fucked it Up: Ed Zwick, director of The Last Samurai (starring Tom Cruise as the last samurai) and Blood Diamond (starring Leonardo DiCaprio as an African). You can already see a pattern here.
How He Fucked it Up: He cast Denzel Washington, Andre Braugher and Morgan Freeman (great!), and then centered the movie squarely on Ferris-fucking-Bueller (what the fuck!?)
The face of black struggle in America.
Now, Zwick is sorta handcuffed here because his script is based on the letters that Colonel Robert Shaw sent to his family. And not THAT Robert Shaw. Although if a civil war were ever fought against slave-owning, secessionist sharks, it'd be Colonel Quint's company that saved our country.
"Earn This."
But still, for every scene where Freeman and Washington are successfully conveying the emotion, the pain and the strength needed to fight for a country that considers you less than human, there are three scenes where Zwick cuts to Broderick moping aimlessly like someone shit in his Cheerios. Because in Zwickworld, there's no way a white audience could possibly know they're supposed to feel bad about slavery unless Ferris Bueller shuffles around his tent like Michael Cera at a Civil War reenactment.
#4.
CRASH
The Aim: To shed a light on everyday prejudices and how quietly destructive they can be when left to simmer for too long.
The Clueless White Guy Who Fucked It Up: Paul Haggis, creator of Walker, Texas Ranger.
How He Fucked It Up: Haggis had his car stolen from him one night, and like most sane people who are robbed at gunpoint, he went home and wrote a sympathetic screenplay about his attackers. In Haggis's case, "sympathetic" means he turned them into Heckle 'n' Jeckyl, and wrote everyone in the film to be shrill, stupid stereotypes hiding their prejudice under a thin veneer of sophistication.
It won a ton of Oscars for being a thought-provoking and insightful look at prejudice in America. Seems almost impossible to concisely sum-up, right?
There. That's the essence of Crash, distilled into its purest form. I just saved you 90 minutes and a stress headache, without losing an ounce of subtlety and nuance. Plus it dramatically reduces unnecessary exposure to Sandra Bullock.
#3.
The Toy
The Aim: To teach children about the importance of family and friendship, and the worth of sharing and generosity.
The Clueless White Guy Who Fucked It Up: Richard Donner, director of Superman and The Omen.
How He Fucked it Up: By attempting to make slavery cute and adorable.
Donner's no stranger to being accidentally insensitive to black people. For a man who made "Verisimilitude!" the mantra of the Superman production, it sure didn't apply to the black populace of Metropolis, the entirety of which was one dude. Who was a pimp. And took time out of his busy day selling ass to congratulate Superman on his "bad out-FIT" before whooing like Ric Flair.
"That's what black people are like, right, Tom? You sure we're not being too conservative?"
But The Toy is the ultimate example of Hollywood's isolation from anything even remotely resembling the real world. Because sane people with a tenuous connection to reality would have noticed that the plot of the movie hinges on Jackie Gleason purchasing a black man for his son to play with.
And it's not as if Richard Pryor starts the movie with a shred of dignity and then has his pride slowly disemboweled by a sniveling, 12-year-old, fuckhead named "Master Bates." No, Pryor is a janitor, chosen to be "The Toy" because he's funny when he bugs his eyes out and bumps into things. As his reward, he gets firecrackers shot at his face.
"This hurts my soul so much. You don't even know. I've burnt my own face off while smoking rock and that didn't hurt like this does."
In it's defense, the movie does contain a facile attempt to make up for promoting slavery as a pillar of family strength, by having Masterbates and Pryor wreck a Ku Klux Klan fundraiser. It couldn't be any more halfheartedly apologetic if the movie stopped and Donner poked his head into frame and said, "No, it's OK. I have loads of black friends. It's cool."
To be fair, Driving Ms. Daisy was going to have a scene where the girls mom and Hoke had sex, but it was taken out because it would've made the audience think the characters were immoral. If that happened in the movie than it would've been a huge leap forward for black people in the cinema's, so it wasn't the directors fault; it was his boss's fault.
ReplyThe Help needs to be added to this list.
ReplyWhy?
"It was close to simplistic bullshit that says the best way to combat racism is to carpet-bomb Idaho with Def Comedy Jam DVDs"
ReplyWow, your ignorance is all over the place.
RE: Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamond. He plays a White Zimbabwean. There are White people in Africa, you know. Assuming all Africans are Black is just as ignorant and racist as the films you are criticising.
ReplyA nice big pile of misunderstanding on the part of commenters, here: He points out that Dicaprio is an African and Tom Cruise a Samurai not simply because it's a case of "Doy! Those two things don't go together!" but because there's the repetitive theme of the white man coming in to serve as savior to the troubled indigenous people. Kinda the same way people suggest racist themes in Dances with Wolves or Avatar.
But yeah, keep taking everything at face value.
I think you missed the point of American History X. He didn't change because of a funny black guy, it was a gradual change that started with a growing friendship with that guy. A big thing that changed it was SPOILERS
Replyhim getting raped by the other neo-nazis. Since he was shunned by the neo-nazis, he was ripe for the picking for all of the other minorities that he had hated before. But they didn't do anything, most likely because his black friend talked them into leaving him alone.
"...'Do the Right Thing' was an honest, evocative examination..."
ReplyI think we've seen enough. You can slam the door on your way out Mr. Roberts.
I don't see your point regarding American History X. I didn't like that movie much, but I don't see what's wrong with the moral. He abandons racism because he gets to know a black guy and sees his humanity, which yes, comes out through his sense of humor. Spending time with people and coming to appreciate the little things about them is an effective way of breaking down barriers and destroying racism.
ReplyThis article should be titled "1 s**t writer who is unintentionally racist". If you are constantly looking for racism you're going to find it (mostly only in your head). IT'S RACIST!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesUnfortunately, this is true. The constant search for racism (which used to be about getting rid of racism and is now about self-righteous stone-throwing) will keep turning up results as long as we keep expanding the definition of it. And so Driving Miss Daisy, a movie about interracial(and even inter-faith) friendship in the days of segregation, is called racist merely because it has the formula "black man works for white woman." No, I'm sorry, that doesn't cut it. That movie is great.
Jesus man, you're so racist.
@vercingetorix, you do realize that in 1989, still prior to the Rodney King beating, theater chains were refusing to screen Do the Right Thing, film watchdog groups were warning of a film that would surely incite riots, and Driving Miss Daisy, the race-movie about the submissive black man, was winning the best picture oscar?
I won't posit that DMD is deliberately bigoted, but I think it takes the simple purview that whites need not fear blacks, as through altruistic use of their superiority, everyone can win together, which is fine... unless you're the lower class in that scenario.
Meanwhile, a film that accurately captured the complex, multifaceted tensions at the racial divide in America was treated as insurrection-starting race baiting? I won't pretend to be angry about it, it was two decades ago, but yeah, I can shrug and call that s**t racist, which is about the intellectual consideration cracked articles warrant. Enjoy the persecution complex, though.
This was terrible. Worst article I've read on this site. This is the first time I've felt compelled to comment on the shittyness of an article. You should quit writing and find something that you're good at.
Reply"The Toy" was hilarious but it was not about racism. It didn't set out to teach us anything about race relations. If anything the lesson was that the little brat kid learned about friendship, and in the end, Richard Pryor becomes the kid's friend and professional once-a-year babysitter.
Replythe only thing you got right Fatboy was Crash. That movie f****n sucked and it was a travesty that it won best picture over Brokeback Mountain.
ReplyAngry gay?
Angry gay.
I never ever ever understood how CRASH won an Oscar.. but then I did. It's s**tty enough to deserve one.
ReplyPffft Ask ANY republican and they'll tell you that the only racism nowadays is against white people.
ReplyIt nearly f*****g is. I'm a white male and am bombarded EVERY day by minority groups claiming racism and peddling guilt upon a whole race for the sins of the father. It's all part of the growing trend to blame everyone else for their problems. I'm sick of it!
Tassiedevil: I'm pretty sure that assuming every minority group blames you for something because you're white is a racist way of thinking, especially the whole "it's a growing trend of minorities to blame others for their problems" thing. Being a white male must be very difficult.
Go tell Morgan Freeman that "Driving Miss Daisy" was racist. Please. I'll bring popcorn and pull up a comfortable chair.
ReplyWhat Glory and other films like it (Mississippi Burning)suffer from is telling a black story from the POV of white characters. It sucks, true. But racist? Go write for some other website, you're not doing Cracked any favors.
american history x is about how racism comes from ignorance and that going past the barriers of prejudice and meeting the person inside the shell actually makes even the most hateful and intelligent (but wrong) individuals change. cracked's editors should be ashamed for this article, it sucked ass.
ReplyHow do you discuss racism without displaying it in your movie? It seems that the author just points out the racism in movies and says "it's there because of the director", but doesn't point out the parts where the director has something to say about fixing the problem. It's confirmation bias at its worst.
ReplyThis is one of the worst cracked articles I've ever read.
ReplyAgreed. I'm making a note to avoid his crap in the future.
Very easily.
"...it sure didn't apply to the black populace of Metropolis, the entirety of which was one dude. Who was a pimp. And took time out of his busy day selling ass to congratulate Superman on his "bad out-FIT" before whooing like Ric Flair."
ReplyIt's not racist to show people who probably really act like that.
Where else would Hollywood get the idea to portray black pimps as being flamboyant and jive talkin? I seriously doubt they just made it up.
And so what? That pimp dude in Superman is funny.
So funny that you can hear someone off camera laugh!
I think it was one of the actresses who played his hoes! That is a GREAT scene - totally 70's - Donner wanted Superman's first appearance to be funny, and he did it with an image that black people EMBRACE. Nothing racist at all.
Did you even watch American History X?
ReplyThis has got to be one of the dumbest articles I've ever read on this sight. For one, most of these movies are about characters and not about racism. Racism is just the vehicle.
ReplyAnd since they are movies about specific characters dealing with racism, they cannot be all encapsulating commentary on racism as a whole, because racism varies and people's experience with racism varies. A lot! So don't try to say that Spike Lee is the only guy who can talk about racism because he perfectly matches your interpretation or your experience of the problem.