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If you grew up with the original Star Wars trilogy, you probalby went through a 15-year roller coaster that was something like this: You wished desperately they would make more movies; You groaned when you heard they were making prequels instead; You bought a ticket out of cautious optimism; You realized you were right the first time. If only they'd made sequels instead, dammit! But here's the thing: they did. The story was continued in novels and comics and video games. Oh, and they were so terrible they actually do more damage to the source material than Jar Jar Binks could have ever hoped to. We mean it. These are the stories that are guilty of... #5.
Undoing the Ending of Return of the Jedi
As Seen In: The Thrawn Trilogy, X-Wing Series, Jedi Academy Trilogy and many more novels, comics and video games. Everything had wrapped up nicely at the end of Return of the Jedi. We see the Imperial menace defeated over the forest moon of Endor by the likes of Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo, Chewbacca the Wookiee and Lando "The Last Black Man in the Galaxy" Calrissian.
The Emperor's plan to recruit Luke to the dark side failed, and Darth Vader redeemed himself by dunking the raisin-faced bastard into the reactor core of the Death Star like Lebron James. Vader, electrocuted and hairless--and decidedly not James Earl Jones--died and the Death Star exploded, effectively wiping out the Sith, releasing their chokehold on the Galaxy and infuriating whoever was the lienholder on the destroyed battle station.
Simultaneous celebrations were held on countless planets because evidently news travels fast through the infinite expanse of fucking space. Our heroes dance with some teddy bears and the credits roll. Not So Fast... In the unofficial "sequel" stories, this happens:
That is, the Empire keeps rolling right along, imposing space-tyranny on all who stand in their way. And the thing is, it's hard to argue with the idea. Neither the Emperor nor the Death Star had ever been a threat to the Rebellion, so, you know, fuck those first three movies. The Imperials had been able to control the Galaxy without a Death Star for a couple of decades, relying instead on fleet warfare and ground support for good old fashioned genocide. As for the Emperor, does killing the leader of a tyrannical government with a powerful and loyal army immediately end the entire conflict?
According to the majority of the books and comics set after the original trilogy, with the Emperor gone, there were hundreds of Admirals, Generals and Politicians who vied for control of the Galaxy. Without a universally accepted leader, the Empire spiraled into a civil war. The Rebellion is still, well, a Rebellion, which means it still has to gain victory over the remaining Imperials to win, who are in turn fighting amongst themselves. And so, the Skywalker family, which you may remember as being the entire point of the Star Wars saga, fades into the background as we watch the Rebels continue to fight two different Empires for 20 more years. During that time it's fair to assume billions more people died and trillions more words of poorly written dialog were spoken.
#4.
Cloning the Emperor
As Seen In: The Dark Empire, Dark Empire II and Empire's End comic series. Oh, hey, speaking of the dead Emperor, he is dead, right? After all, Darth Vader basically sacrificed himself to kill the man and wipe out this dark threat to The Force for all time. Yes, that sure was a meaningful sacrifice Anakin made to redeem himself and save countless lives. Not So Fast... That is, until in the "sequel" stories Emperor Palpatine is brought back from the dead in a clone body that inexplicably looks like Buck Compton from Band of Brothers.
Once more, you can see why they did it. You need a villain. And if George Lucas had written the sequel stories, it's hard to believe he wouldn't have done the same, after he contorted every prequel storyline to shoehorn in as many OT characters as he could. In this storyline, Palpatine, secure in his new corporeal digs, proceeds to use a variety of nifty tactics that nearly annihilate the Rebels. The reasons why he waited until after his death to employ these tactics are beyond even the wisest of us. To make things worse, Luke Skywalker, forgetting absolutely everything about his dad's story arc, thought the best way to deal with this threat was by becoming Palpatine's new apprentice. Although he tries to sabotage the Empire's efforts from the inside, he eventually succumbs to the Dark Side, presumably because the temptation of paid vacation and a dental plan proved to be too great.
After Luke essentially becomes the Sega Genesis to Vader's Master System, Leia comes to her brother's rescue and eventually redeems him (you may remember this as the exact same plot of the original trilogy). Unfortunately it's already too late for most of the galaxy, as the Empire has already managed to decimate entire worlds without a Death Star and is within sight of total victory (evidently "total victory" means "killing every last motherfucker in space"). Palps is eventually killed by Empatojayos Brand, an ancient Jedi better known as Master Desperate Plot Device, thus ending the crisis and allowing the Dark Empire series to stop wasting our goddamn time.
#3.
Adding A Bunch of New Jedi
As Seen In: Dark Empire, Dark Empire II, Empire's End, The Force Unleashed and pretty much every other piece of media. Pretty much the entire point of the original trilogy was that Luke Skywalker, son of Darth Vader, is the last hope for the Jedi Order and the Galaxy. You know, the other Jedi having been ruthlessly hunted down and destroyed by the Empire and all. The only exceptions are Obi Wan, whose force powers seem to have degenerated into keeping an immaculately trimmed beard in the middle of the desert, and Yoda, who seems to have gone so batshit insane that all he can do is talk like Super Grover in cryptic nonsensical jibber-jabber and lift shit out of bogs with his mind.
With only these three superpowered individuals left, the future of the Galaxy seems bleak. Not So Fast... One thing the good guys have to do to deal with the post-Death Star Empire is enlist the help of Jedi. Lots of them. In "sequel" comics like Dark Forces, much of the plot involves enlisting the help of these guys that are just hanging around in remote parts of the galaxy. As it turns out, contrary to popular belief (a term which here means "what the films specifically told us in no uncertain terms"), the Jedi were not entirely wiped out but merely went into hiding. Again, we understand it's not Star Wars without Jedi and you can't wait for an army to be rebuilt from Luke and Leia's inbred children. The writers only had so many options. But are we really to believe that these characters just sat on their fat asses, doing nothing to help while their Jedi brethren were getting thrown in the dumpster? That seems just a little out of character for the Galaxy's "Protectors of Freedom."
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I find myself torn on this article. While I can somewhat agree with some of the author's viewpoints (Resurrecting the Emperor wasn't that great an idea, and the Dark Empire story didn't exactly help. Not to mention that f**king Sun Crusher.), I find that his knowledge of the works in question to be lacking and incomplete, and ultimately doesn't present a clear view on the subject. (It's unrealistic to think that Star Wars should have just ended at Return of the Jedi. There were still plenty of Imperials left, and there wasn't a peace agreement in place or anything, though that treaty did happen in one of Zahn's novels.) Still, this article is mostly opinion-based, and despite the fact that I enjoy most, if not all, of the Expanded Universe, you do bring up some good points. Touche.
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It isn't Luke's "son" who fights the Sith Empire. It's his descendant. Leia's Sith son is also killed long before this Empire comes to the fore. I'm not proud to admit I know this, but if you're going to mock something, at least get it right.
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I dunno.... I only saw the first Star Wars, after which I said that was a pleasant fairy tale. The girl I went there with liked it, possibly more than I did. I'd be working on my car and she'd say "use the force".... which didn't work. I never had the urge to see another one. I wish Mr. Lucas well and hope he continues to be successful, but that franchise is not getting any more of my money. I guess I'm not the type to join a cult. By the way, can some moderator here knock off these god-damned ads on the comment section please?
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I rather liked NJO, especially the Unifying Force. The final battle between Jacen and Onimi kicked ass. Plus they tried something new.
all I want to know is who is that red head??? she's foxier than a forest full of foxes who have just gotten their PHD in foxiness and are now looking for tenure in the university of Foxford...
Do you guys not realize that the star wars story line is basically the same story like for every epic ever made? Lets compare Star Wars to Lord of the Rings. 1. It starts out with a boy losing his family. SW: Luke’s aunt and uncle die. LOTR: Bilbo ditches town. 2. The boy talks to a wise old man telling him about power and the draw of evil. SW: Luke learns about the force from Obi-Wan. LOTR: Frodo learns about the rings from Gandalf. 3. The boy meets people to help him on his way. SW: Han, Chewie, Leia, Yoda. LOTR: Sam, and the rest of the fellowship. 4. Wise old man sacrifices himself to save the boy. SW: Obi-Wan on the Death Star. LOTR: Gandalf in the mines. 5. Old man comes back to help. SW: Obi-Wan’s ghost returns with advice. LOTR: Gandalf returns as Gandalf the White. 6. Boy overcomes all odds and almost falls to the dark powers but gets saved by someone at the last minute. SW: Luke almost gets killed by the emperor but Darth Vader saves him. LOTR: Frodo puts the ring on to run away but Gollum bite his finger off and falls into Mt. Doom. It’s basically the same story line as The Dark Tower series (which is better then both SW and LOTR btw.). So when you guys b***h about retold plots first think about all the other epics. They are all the same stories but with different characters and it doesn’t matter because we are all going to read it anyways because everybody likes stories of struggle and triumph.
Boba Fett once shot Darth Vader in the face at point-blank range? Surely Seanbaby could do an entire article about this?
I thought that Dark Empire was made before the prequel trilogy?
This is why all that Extended Universe stuff is garbage. Still, it would have been nice to see what Luke did after the movie. Leia and Hans obviosuly married, but did Luke rebuild the Order or no? Perhaps rather than amovie George Lucas should write (or co-wriote) a short story that answers these questions. Not go into detail;s but atleast give a basic outline so as to rein in all those damned comic/novel/video game writers with their crazy absurd stories.
I notice the "Admiral Thrawn Trilogy" is noticeably absent :) That one was awesome and should've been made into a movie...
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