Cinema heroes exist to be everything we're not. Therefore we want them to be crack shots, kung fu masters, tactical geniuses and furious, furious fornicators.
So why is it that we barely blink when they spend the entirety of the film puttering about and screwing things up? Here are six movie heroes who did their jobs so damn poorly that, in retrospect, they'd barely make good sidekicks.
RoboCop is our second favorite robotic police officer from Detroit (our fave is obviously the Motor City's O.G. killbot, ED-209).
Why He Should Be Good At His Job:
He's a cop and he's robot. Period. There is no fudge factor, no gray area. He is literally programmed to do things by the book.
Why He Sucked At It:
Let's analyze RoboCop's very first case step-by-step.
A perpetrator wielding a machine gun is robbing a convenience store. RoboCop arrives, is promptly shot 30 times and shrugs off the bullets like NERF darts, and proceeds to disable the crook's firearm by bending its muzzle. Now that the criminal is disarmed it's time to slap on the handcuffs and...
BOOM! ROBOCOP CLOTHESLINES THE SUNUVABITCH INTO A FREEZER! BLAM! CRIPPLETASTIC! WOMP!
Our cyborg hero then leaves the store... without arresting the guy. OK, so it was his first day on the job--maybe he had the first time jitters. Perhaps he'll show a little more restraint with his next case ...
KAPOW! HE CASTRATES THE BASTARD WITH GEOMETRY!
Again, RoboCop makes no real effort to apprehend the crooks. It goes on like this for the next 90 minutes. All in all, RoboCop arrests only one criminal during the entire movie. The rest of his time is spent alternately maiming people (three guys) or blowing them away (he racks up a body count of 16).
This is pretty confusing as RoboCop is, in fact, hardwired to be a good guy and has the free will of a VCR. Who the hell programmed him to be a cop? The T-1000?
And we're not even going to get into the time RoboCop stole that nice Korean family's fridge.
"YO I'M ABOUT TO EAT!"