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7 Horrifying Moments from Classic Kids Movies

#3.
The Brave Little Toaster: Suicide and Clowns

Beloved Because...

The Brave Little Toaster is the 1987 tale of five talking appliances' odyssey to get back to their original owner, who presumably left them behind to cover his security deposit.

But Then, the Horror...

Knowing that children are impressionable, the filmmakers made the wise decision to fill as many frames as they could with mechanized horror-beasts based on items every child could find in their very own home:

The air conditioner points out the fruitlessness of the other appliances' hope that their master will return, probably because he killed the guy himself.

The air conditioner then works himself into a resentment-fueled frenzy over being stuck in a wall, as opposed to being free to suck up stale Cocoa Puffs and broken shot glass shards like the lucky vacuum cleaner. He becomes so filled with anger that he overheats and fucking burns to death, and the rest of the appliances leave his charred corpse to rot in the windowsill.


"Where the fuck is the talking fire extinguisher?!"

Also, later on in the movie we're treated to this:

Because as long as we're rounding the bases of irrational phobias, we might as well toss in a satanic clown.


Sweet dreams, kiddies!

#2.
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang: Childcatcher

Beloved Because...

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is the 1968 Dick Van Dyke classic about a family that turns a busted piece of shit into a magical car and takes it on a grand adventure.


He can fly.

But Then, the Horror...

Amidst the traditional love story and all the happy singing, there's a nefarious Baron that inexplicably wants Chitty Chitty Bang Bang all to himself--because we all know a flying jalopy is the key to world domination.

He makes numerous attempts to acquire the vehicle, sending various henchmen to do his bidd- oh, hey, who's this gaily adorned and not-at-all frightening man?

This jaunty fellow has free candy and an awesome carriage. What could possibly go wrong here?


The answer is this. This could go wrong.

This magnificent bastard is called the Childcatcher. See, the Baron wants that car so badly that instead of, you know, maybe building one himself since he is a goddamn baron, he sends Vulgaria's premier freelance abductor up there to catch and kill the kids. At one point in the movie, Childcatcher even admits that he can smell the children's blood. Holy shit.


Hey, give credit where credit is due. The man knows his trade.

#1.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: The Forest

Beloved Because...

What was not to love about this movie? It's the ageless story of Snow White who, to escape an evil witch, takes shelter with a motley crew of dwarves.

But Then, the Horror...

That fucking forest.

Aside from the part where the Huntsman is looming over a defenseless teenage girl, ready to cut her heart out and put it in a freaking box, we are treated to a forest that rivals the tree rape scene in The Evil Dead. Where every branch is a frightening hand:

Every tree trunk a monster:

Every floating log an alligator:

And everything is watching you:

That's right, kids. Everything in nature is a demon-possessed harvester of tender flesh. Better to just stay inside and eat beanie weenies all day.

Be sure to check out Fitzgerald's friend Thad over at CallMeThad.

Do you have something funny to say about a random topic? You could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow. Go here and find out how to create a Topic Page.

And check out how else Disney terrified little children, in The 7 Most Terrifying Disney Movie Deaths. Or check out some questionable lessons they taught them as well, in 7 Classic Disney Movies That Taught Us Terrible Lessons.

And stop by our Top Picks to see the Cracked staff cowering in the corner after rewatching the tunnel scene.

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