5Yank His Crotch Hair
Well, at least this one doesn't involve outright genital trauma. This little nugget recommends you pull on some dude's treasure trail hairs. You know, to turn him on.
Hey, ladies, have you ever heard a guy use the expression, "He's got me by the short hairs"? Was the guy using it in a positive way?
No, because it is meant to convey the image of somebody grabbing your pubic hair and causing so much pain that they can make you do anything. Nobody unwraps a gift at Christmas and says, "Thanks, Grandma! This Xbox 360 will really get me by the short hairs!"
All right, so now what you need to understand about that strip of fur Cosmo is referencing is that it's basically pubes. It's like a pubic escape route from your pants. No one's going to publish "yank on his pubes" in a sex advice column because no one outside of a few fetish scenes would want to do it, because it's horrible.
What's especially diabolical about this advice is that it sounds fine leading up to it. We're all for licking and tickling. It's like they intentionally buried the painful tip under the good ones, like a landmine.
4Give Him a Sneezegasm
This seems to derive from the retarded sex myth that, physiologically, a sneeze is somehow "1/7th of an orgasm," which you may have heard in high school or from the brain trust at Yahoo! Answers. You may be tempted to ask how in the shit you would quantify 1/7th of an orgasm, but Yahoo! isn't giving up the goods on that one.
That aside, have you ever enjoyed sneezing? Have you ever looked forward to getting a cold for the pant staining pleasure of it? Sure, there are a few sneeze fetishists out there, but that's probably a relatively small proportion of the population and odds are even they think this tip is stupid.
You may think this one is tame compared to the others, but you're not fully picturing the scenario. One wrong move and you either have an eye or a sphincter full of pepper, both of which are going to create that non-sexy crying and panicked flushing of the area with water.