5 Self-Destructive Ways People Accidentally Cured Themselves

#2.
Fistfight Corrects Vision

Not every bad behavior is completely self inflicted. Sometimes you need a partner, which is exactly what a young boy in 1970s Russia thought when he got into a boxing match with another kid while neglecting to first remove his prescription eyeglasses.


Nerd fight!

Predictably he got rocked right in the damn face, embedding the glass from his soviet spectacles into his eye and causing a corneal laceration. While it seemed the fates had just kicked him in the balls twice by first making his vision suck and then punching glass into it, it turns out they had something far grander in store for him (sadly it was not to become a communist pirate).

In order to remove the glass, a layer of the kid's eye had to be shaved off, presumably with an ice cream scoop. The combined result of the injury and the treatment was a flatter cornea which allowed the eye to focus light more effectively. After a short recovery, the boy's eyesight not only came back, but in fact was better than it was prior to taking an eye-slashing Dragon Punch.

The doctor who had attended him observed the phenomenon and determined that if a couple of retards in a fight could accidentally repair a person's vision, a surgeon should be able to do it on purpose. Hence, the birth of corrective eye surgery.


Except now we use lasers because it's the future.

#1.
Lightning Fixes Everything

In 1980, 62-year-old Edwin Robinson of Falmouth, Maine had been deaf and blind for nine years as a result of a head injury he received in a collision with a tractor trailer. One day he was wandering around looking for his pet chicken "Took Took" when he suddenly found himself caught outside in a lightning storm, presumably because God felt he hadn't been punished enough.


"Eat that, you sightless bastard."

Rather than return to his house, he began swinging his aluminum cane around to try to find his way to shelter underneath the biggest tree in his backyard, which is the precise decision a person with a severe head injury would make. Meanwhile, we here at Cracked wonder how a blind, deaf man ever expected to find a goddamn chicken, let alone how he managed to determine that it was missing in the first place.


"I said I'm in the kitchen, Edwin! Get your silly ass back inside!"

At any rate, Edwin's metal cane and giant tree shelter proved too tempting for the storm and he was inevitably struck by lightning, blowing out his hearing aid, blackening the grass around him and knocking him out for a good 20 minutes. When he regained consciousness he crawled back into the house and went to sleep, because getting hit with the fury of Zeus tends to wear you out.

When Edwin finally woke up, he found that he could see straight ahead (no peripheral vision) and he that could hear perfectly. Not only that, but his hair even grew back after 35 years of baldness. Like any recipient of a bonafide miracle, Edwin hit the talk show circuit, inspiring a generation of bald, deaf, blind people to try and get themselves struck by lightning.

Have an idea for an article? Think you're funny? Just go here and sign up. No experience necessary.

To see the happy endings of world tragedies, check out 5 Great Things You Didn't Know Came from Horrific Tragedies. Or read about some not so happy celebrity endings, in 5 Movie Martial Artists That Lost a Deathmatch to Dignity.

Stop by our Top Picks to see the improbable happy ending of the Internet.

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get dick jokes in your news feed.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

532 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!