Cracked Round-Up: Intervention Edition

This week, the Cracked office staffers ambushed Dan O'Brien outside of his office and confronted him over his crippling addiction to huffing paint thinner. Things were going well until Dan grabbed a pool cue from the rec room and proceeded to beat several staffers unconscious. Afterwards, we shared a laugh and a trashbag filled with acetone; all was forgiven.

PUPPIES

7 Dogs That Accomplished More Than We Ever Will Next to these dogs, we're nothing but a bunch of pussies.

Notable Comment: "No disrespect to Chips, but the Italians are the worst soldiers in the world!"

SUPERSTICION

5 Ridiculous Ancient Beliefs (That Thrive on the Internet) Before the Internet, crazy people either never met, or only met in loony bins. Now they congregate in forums and host conventions and create their own baffling brands of pornography.

Notable Comment: "Teutonic, not Tectonic. We're talkin' Germans, not geology. "

Well phrased, Well-Hungarian.

ZOMBOCALYPSE

5 Reasons You Secretly Want a Zombie Apocalypse Our parents lived in fear of the Red Menace, while we stockpile weapons in preparation for the Dead Menace.

Notable Comment: "I'll take my mindless day-job over sleeping with one eye open in a bathtub cradling an assault rifle any day. Amazing how anarchists forget about the s**tty parts"

SCIENCE

6 'Brilliant' Movie Scientists (Who Suck At Their Job) Incompetence makes the world go 'round!

Notable Comment:"No one mentioned "Doc" Emmett Brown from Back to the Future "

ENTERTAINMENT

6 Beloved TV Shows (That Traumatized Cast Members For Life) Who would have thought working with Bob Barker would be painful? Y'know, aside from Adam Sandler.

Notable Comment:col_p says; "I WOULD'VE PISSED ALL OVER KIRK CAMERON'S DREADLOCKS IF HE TRIED ANY OF THAT SHIT ON ME. "

Cody Johnston

A Practical Tutorial for the Worst Strategy Game Ever SIEGE FORCE

YOU YOU YOU!

If History's Greatest Minds Lived in the Modern World We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, The First Drafts They Didn't Want You To See.

10.01.09:

When you're Chuck Norris, all the sperms that didn't make it... MAKE it.
by SpankMac

Editor's pick:

I'll be damned if I'm going to let a fucking Chuck Norris joke win the Craption today. Damned.
by watermelonman

9.30.09:

And what do you want for the apocalypse?
by IDontLikeChange

Editor's pick:

NEVER tell your dyslexic parents you want to sit in Santa's lap.
by CavalierX

9.29.09:

Its like the final scene of Rambo, except now I don't have to feel awkward about my erection.
by slickjamesjik

Editor's pick:

Maybe we'll let her have that parking space.
by Ronin22

9.28.09:

Pictured: The only people that still use Yahoo!
by mrpeabody

Editor's pick:

Brought to you by Google Image Search
by Diasdiem

9.27.09:

I used to have this much dignity.
by -ED-209

Editor's pick:

Somewhere, a man searches for his stolen curtains.
by Palindrome

9.26.09:

Darwin had more evidence of evolution than he released to the public.
by geniuswaitress

Editor's pick:

On the origin of furries
by BVincent

8.25.09:

Obama does not care about white people!
by SoCalDelta

Editor's pick:

The Water World Theme Park was even crappier than the movie.
by The23