6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

Cracked Round-Up: Intervention Edition

This week, the Cracked office staffers ambushed Dan O'Brien outside of his office and confronted him over his crippling addiction to huffing paint thinner. Things were going well until Dan grabbed a pool cue from the rec room and proceeded to beat several staffers unconscious. Afterwards, we shared a laugh and a trashbag filled with acetone; all was forgiven.


Bucholz got the proverbial party started this week with a discussion of Facebook's terrifying new gaydar techniques. Next, Brockway told a questionably truthful story about either time travel or inhalant abuse. Afterwards, Seanbaby took us on an alternate retelling of the Batman mythos, and Dan O'Brien lulled us to sleep with tales of Leno.

PUPPIES
7 Dogs That Accomplished More Than We Ever Will
Next to these dogs, we're nothing but a bunch of pussies.


Notable Comment: "No disrespect to Chips, but the Italians are the worst soldiers in the world!"

Ales needs to do a little bit of reading on the "Roman Empire".

SUPERSTICION
5 Ridiculous Ancient Beliefs (That Thrive on the Internet)
Before the Internet, crazy people either never met, or only met in loony bins. Now they congregate in forums and host conventions and create their own baffling brands of pornography.


Notable Comment: "Teutonic, not Tectonic. We're talkin' Germans, not geology. "

Well phrased, Well-Hungarian.



ZOMBOCALYPSE
5 Reasons You Secretly Want a Zombie Apocalypse
Our parents lived in fear of the Red Menace, while we stockpile weapons in preparation for the Dead Menace.


Notable Comment: "I'll take my mindless day-job over sleeping with one eye open in a bathtub cradling an assault rifle any day. Amazing how anarchists forget about the s**tty parts"

There's a flaw in your logic, Ceveron; most of us already spend our nights sleeping uneasily in a bathtub and snuggling with our Kalashnikov.

SCIENCE
6 'Brilliant' Movie Scientists (Who Suck At Their Job)
Incompetence makes the world go 'round!


Notable Comment:"No one mentioned "Doc" Emmett Brown from Back to the Future "

No one besmirches the name of Doc Emmett Brown in these offices. No one.

ENTERTAINMENT
6 Beloved TV Shows (That Traumatized Cast Members For Life)
Who would have thought working with Bob Barker would be painful? Y'know, aside from Adam Sandler.


Notable Comment:col_p says; "I WOULD'VE PISSED ALL OVER KIRK CAMERON'S DREADLOCKS IF HE TRIED ANY OF THAT SHIT ON ME. "

You are very aptly named, PissMaster.



Cody Johnston
A Practical Tutorial for the Worst Strategy Game Ever
SIEGE FORCE


YOU YOU YOU!
If History's Greatest Minds Lived in the Modern World
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, The First Drafts They Didn't Want You To See.


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

10.01.09:

When you're Chuck Norris, all the sperms that didn't make it... MAKE it.
by SpankMac

Editor's pick:

I'll be damned if I'm going to let a fucking Chuck Norris joke win the Craption today. Damned.
by watermelonman

9.30.09:

And what do you want for the apocalypse?
by IDontLikeChange

Editor's pick:

NEVER tell your dyslexic parents you want to sit in Santa's lap.
by CavalierX

9.29.09:

Its like the final scene of Rambo, except now I don't have to feel awkward about my erection.
by slickjamesjik

Editor's pick:

Maybe we'll let her have that parking space.
by Ronin22

9.28.09:

Pictured: The only people that still use Yahoo!
by mrpeabody

Editor's pick:

Brought to you by Google Image Search
by Diasdiem

9.27.09:

I used to have this much dignity.
by -ED-209

Editor's pick:

Somewhere, a man searches for his stolen curtains.
by Palindrome

9.26.09:

Darwin had more evidence of evolution than he released to the public.
by geniuswaitress

Editor's pick:

On the origin of furries
by BVincent

8.25.09:

Obama does not care about white people!
by SoCalDelta

Editor's pick:

The Water World Theme Park was even crappier than the movie.
by The23

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