7 Secrets Only Two Living People Know (For Some Reason)
What do you suppose are the most well-kept secrets in the world? The launch codes for the American nuclear arsenal? The location of Jimmy Hoffa's bones?
Not even close. Below are secrets that only two people on planet Earth know. Sometimes they have very good reasons to keep these secrets so fiercely. Other times, not so much.
#7.
The Formula for Coca-Cola
What is it?
It's no surprise that one of most profitable companies ever would want to keep their formula a secret. Even with hundreds of imitators, Coke still dominates world-wide sales of caramel colored drinks. But doesn't that stuff only have, like, four ingredients? Fizzy water, high fructose corn syrup, caffeine and Brown Dye #4? There isn't exactly a vibrant symphony of flavors in each can.
Yet, the formula is so fiercely protected that the company even pulled out of India in the 1970s because they would have been legally required to divulge their ingredient list to their government.
It even managed to stall a divorce case. When one of the Coke heirs ended his marriage to his wife, she demanded some of his great-grandfather's (the founder of Coca-Cola) original notes as part of her settlement. The company had to get involved and put a stop to it out of fear the notes could contain information on the formula.
Who Knows:
Only two Coke executives know it. Urban legend says they each only know half, but that's false--that part was invented for an old ad campaign.
How it is Kept Secret:
The original copy of the formula is kept in an undisclosed SunTrust Bank in Atlanta. To keep SunTrust on the side, Coke gave them some 48.3 million shares of stock as well as having executives from each company sit on the other's board of directors.
The company has policies surrounding the secret that range from the paranoid (the two executives who knew the formula could not fly on the same plane) to the bizarre (no one could view the formula without God, Jesus and Elvis present or something to that extent).
All of this is pointless in the end. Coca-Cola still derives some of its flavor from the coca plant; the same place that cocaine comes from. Due to the obvious drug related issues that would arise from importing lots of coca plant into America legally, only one company has government permission to do it. That company is Coca-Cola. So even if someone broke into the bank and managed to take the formula, they would never be able to produce an exact Coke rip-off.
And if another company did somehow get permission to import coca, hell, there is at least one better way to make money with it.
#6.
KFC's 11 Herbs and Spices
What is it?
The secret KFC recipe dates back to the 1930s when Harland Sanders served chicken to people who stopped at his gas station in North Corbin, Kentucky. It was an amazing success. And while he never joined the military, in 1936, he was given the title of honorary Kentucky Colonel by the governor in recognition of his contribution to the state's cuisine.
Other contributions to Kentucky's cuisine.
Eventually, Sanders expanded his restaurant into a chain. While KFC has diversified its menu over the years, the main thing that sets the restaurant apart is still its special blend of 11 herbs and spices. And boy do they know it.
Who Knows:
As with Coke, only two executives have access to the recipe for KFC's 11 herbs and spices. Man, wouldn't it be weird if it was the same two guys?
How it is Kept Secret:
The recipe is at KFC's headquarters. But unless you are Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, you have no chance of getting it.
We'll let security expert Bo Dietl speak for himself:
"We fortified the ceiling and the floor around here with concrete bricks two feet thick," Dietl said. "We put in motion sensors also CCTV that's hooked up to security downstairs. They have 24/7 armed guys downstairs, so in the amount of 30 seconds you'll have somebody up here. Once in here, you have to have two people with two keys and two different PIN numbers, and that's what you have to have. This safe is bolted down and there is no way anybody can get in here unauthorized without us knowing about it."
Holy. Fuck.
But will this be enough to thwart the hordes of people who are trying to steal the secret recipe? Just in case it's not, half of the ingredients are mixed at one location, half at another, and they are combined at a third.
This is chicken we're talking about. CHICKEN! Fast food chicken. See, we're going to share a little secret with you guys who're risking your lives to protect that recipe: no one eats at KFC because they have the best chicken in the world. People eat it because it's a pain in the ass to make at home and the line was too long at Popeye's.
#5.
The Location of Oliver Cromwell's Head
What is it?
The top part of this guy:
Oliver Cromwell--an Englishman from the 1600s who pretty much singlehandedly ended the monarchy and took over ruling the country himself. After he died of natural causes and the monarchy was restored, King Charles II ordered his body dug up so it could be "killed" again.
Because why let God getting there first stand in the way of your revenge?
After hanging from a scaffold for over 12 hours (hey, if you are going to kill someone who's already dead you need to put in the extra effort) the body was cut down and the head placed on a spike. Eventually it fell off and was passed around museums and private collectors. Yes, apparently there are collectors of decapitated heads. Their conventions must be awesome.
When the last owner, who sometimes showed the head to school children, died in 1957, his son decided not to continue the illustrious family tradition of being a head collecting weirdo. He tried to give it a proper burial, but it took him over three years to find a place that would accept it.
Why? Because even 300 years after Cromwell died, there was a very real fear that royalists, who should really just let it fucking go already, would dig up the head and do unspeakable things to it.
Let your imagination run wild.
Seem a little paranoid? Only 60 years before, a proposed statue of Cromwell led to fierce debate in Parliament and the threat of riots. Finally, the college Cromwell had attended for one year decided to take their chances with the damn head.
Who Knows:
Two professors at Cambridge University's Sidney Sussex college.
How it is Kept Secret:
Only a small group of people was present at the internment. There is no marker, only a plaque on a wall saying that the head was buried "nearby." Worrying even this wasn't super-secret enough, there was no announcement of the burial for another two years.
Since then, only a handful of people other than the original group have known the location. The currently accepted system is that when a clued-up professor retires he or she tells another professor precisely where the head is located.
Everyone knows that if they should ever let the location slip, somebody's going to be rubbing that skull in dog poop within the hour. Or at least posing it in some kind of ridiculous hat.
#4.
The Location of Lena Blackburne's Baseball Rubbing Mud
What is it?
So, there is this special mud, and Major League Baseball absolutely depends on it.
A brand new baseball just out of the box is slippery; so much so that a pitcher has no control when throwing one unless it's dirtied up a bit first. So, an umpire spends a lot of his time before a game rubbing mud into dozens of balls. But not just any mud works.
Before the 1930s, teams tried all kinds of substances, including tobacco juice and shoe polish, but nothing really worked. Then one day Lena Blackburne, a no-name player turned coach, was taking a walk near his house in New Jersey when he stumbled upon some strange mud. Obviously having a "Eureka!" moment to rival Archimedes', Blackburne took some home and tried it out. It worked brilliantly.
By 1938, the American League was using Blackburn Rubbing Mud exclusively on all their balls. The National League wouldn't use it until the 1950s, mostly because Blackburn refused to sell it to them, but they've been using it ever since.
Who Knows:
Mud business owner Jim Bintliff and his wife.
How it is Kept Secret:
Mud Tycoon Jim Bintliff. As if you give a shit.
The location of the mud has been a closely guarded secret since Blackburne stumbled upon the source in the 1930s. All that is known is that it is found on a tributary of the Delaware River, somewhere near Palmyra, New Jersey.
Blackburne and his business partner, John Haas, never revealed the location to anyone, going so far as to shovel 500-pounds of the mud themselves every year, well into their 80s. When Blackburne died, probably due to a massive heart attack during one of these rigorous excursions, Haas brought his son-in-law, Bintliff, in on the secret. Bintliff made the yearly trip into his 70s, along with his son Jim, to gather all the mud needed for a whole year.
Just one barrel lasts a Major League team an entire season, but it's crucial to their operation. You can just imagine what they charge for this amazing, rare substance that can only be found in one part of the world.
Actually, it's $24.
Wait, that's what all the secrecy is about? That'd be like sneaking into Fort Knox and just finding a coffee can full of quarters there.
I've always believe that You're So Vain was the biggest trick question on the planet: I bet you anything it's not about anyone in particular. Therefore the name of the person with an E in it that the song is about is "no particular pErson", "no onE specifically" or maybe even "Every guy that pissed me off ever" lol
ReplyIf only two people know who the the song is about, and he "probably thinks the song is about him, " and Cracked is a reliable source about who the two people who know are, then whoever he is is now deceased, or.... Oh my gawd! it's Ebersol himself!
ReplyI have to say, spending $50,000 to keep Simon from telling anyone else who the song is about, AND forcing her to give him a private performance, is pretty much in keeping in character with whoever the song is about.
And that takes care of my circular reasoning quota for the day.
He lit a burning cross? It was burning before it was lit? What did he do after that, toast some toast?
ReplyNo, he brewed some brew.
If only two people know the recipes for Coke and KFC, how do they make them? Are there 11 people on an assembly line, and each one has a different spice, and they are sworn to secrecy on pain of death not to reveal to each other what spice they have?
ReplyThere is no secret behind Sea Monkeys. They naturally live in pools by the sea that dry up through the year. It's part of their natural reproductive process that their eggs dry up, and are activated through being soaked in water. The dry eggs can survive for an impressively long time. What did you think the "secret" was, gamma rays?
ReplyLike killifish, then
William Poundstone had a lab test Original Recipe KFC back in the 1980's for his book Big Secrets. There was only one spice (black pepper) and no herbs found in the sample. The other flavorings were salt and MSG. The alleged syrup formula for Coke - which was apparently revealed in a court case in the early twentieth century - is in the same book.
ReplyThat was before the whole New Coke/Coke Classic fiasco, and I think may have been before the complete switch to high fructose corn syrup. So the recipe in Poundstone's book may not be the one that is currently used. Still, anyone can do what he did, and use a mass spectrometer to figure out what chemicals are in it, then figure out by not to difficult process of elimination what actual FDA-approved ingredients would combine to make those chemicals.
For what it's worth, there is no one Coke formula, anyway. Coke produced overseas has sugar, and so does Coke in Mexico, which you can buy lots of places in the US now, and US Coke manufacturers make corn syrup-free Coke (with cane sugar) in March, in order to have kosher for Passover Coke.
Not to mention, that Diet Coke and Coke Zero are different depending on whether you buy them canned and bottled, or as fountain drinks. The fountain drinks don's have aspertame, and therefore have way more saccharine. I think they were both reformulated to include sucralose recently, as well.
In other words, there is no immutable formula for Coke, and the idea that there is, let alone a secret one, is hype. All food companies have patented recipes, and Coke is no different, so keeping it a carefully guarded secret is not necessary to prevent competition, and useless in preventing close-but-still-legal duplication.
We should fire everyone who is in charge of our nations top secret 'whatevers' and replace them with these people-especially those running the Coke/KFC operations.
ReplyI'm not joking.
If the formula for Original Recipe and Extra Crispy were as important as how to make a nuclear warhead, and where the uranium and plutonium are stored, I think someone could break those guys. No one will kidnap their wives, or cut off their little fingers to know the 11 herbs and spices.
Pff brine shrimp reproduce naturally if they have enough space and the stress conditions for the eggs, what secret?
ReplyThe secret of the solution used to make the eggs viable for dry shipping, only that company has managed it. Any brine shrimp eggs shipped that hatch are purchased through them.
Carly Simon, Dick Ebersol, and Howard Stern!
ReplyThis reminds me of that show where that guy tries to recreate secret famous recipes.
ReplyI've got an E in my name. I've got a few in fact. Is it about me? I'm not very vain though. And I don't walk into parties like I'm walking onto a yacht.
ReplyI'm so vain I thought that song was about ME,
Oliver Cromwell was a religious tyrant. He banned Christmas for fuck's sake! His reign was more tyrannical then the Monarchy he replaced. Ask the Irish what they think about Cromwell. The Irish probably have nicer things to say about Hitler than they do about Cromwell. He was pretty much the closest England came to a despot.
Replyyeh he was a despicable weasel
The kfc around here is horrible. The dryest blandest s**t ive ever tasted and there are NO condom things to put on the chicken.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Replies... Condom?
Maybe he means Condiments?
Whew, thank you. I thought, if your fried chicken is drying out, wouldn't a Ziploc bag be more sensible?
Also one of the secrets to KFCs spices are not to eat it, I mean throw in $10 and you'll be full for a couple of hours but after that your bowels take control of your day after that unless you are an obese American n***o which I am none of the following.
ReplyIf you really wanted to find out about baseball mud, you now have the guys son in laws name.
ReplyFind where this guy lives, give up your job and follow him where ever he goes once he has left his house for 365 days and you'll find exactly where this mud is from.
I hope you like getting welfare, food stamps and getting what you own reposed due to now being a full time stalker.
I am one of the two people in the world that have seen my penis.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMy mother being the second, of course.
I wish I could be like you when I grow up.
You have kept it hidden very well, then, if not even a doctor has ever seen it. Congratulations! :)
I like how coke, the monkeys, mud, and KFC can be broken down with chemistry if you had enough determination and a lab.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesIt's no secret what the main ingredient in the mud is---the dirt in that part of the New Jersey pine barrens is almost pure quartz. It's just a helluva lot cheaper to dig the stuff up than it is to try and synthesize it, which is how the guys who run that company are able to keep costs down.
Not really. You can determine some of the molecules present in a gas chromatograph, but you can't necessarily work out ingredients for that. For one thing, most foods have hundreds of trace chemicals in them.
Well, you can if you also have a list of the ingredients on the label, and what the FDA has approved for consumption that contains those chemicals. There are only so many things that the Coca-Cola company is allowed to call "natural flavors." You would disregard trace chemicals, most likely. Also, if your Coke from a can has aluminum in it, it probably isn't one of the secret ingredients. You could cross-check with the Coke from plastic bottles.
I bet that when Simon's 90 years old and on her death bed, she'll finally reveal who "You're So Vain"'s subject is, and it'll just be some guy from before she was famous.
ReplyYou're probably right. It'll be some shmuck no one has ever heard of. Someone who, if he had tried to claim to be the guy during her lifetime, people would have laughed at him.
There really shouldn't be any secret to sea monkeys. They are after all just brine shrimp, the very same as is sold as fish food in aquarium stores. They live in ephemeral (temporary) desert pools that only exist when it rains, and their life cycle involves living just long enough to breed before the pools dry up; their eggs are naturally capable of surviving prolonged dessication. So really a replication of such conditions is all you need, the rest (living longer, getting bigger) would, I imagine, just be selective breeding.
ReplyThe secret is a mix of which of more than 70+ species they are, the exact formula of the food -and- the exact elements and ration of said elements in the powder they go in with. Brine shrimp are surprisingly picky in some cases, and some grow much bigger than others. Getting the ideal conditions for desert ephemera to thrive is surprisingly hard.
"no one eats at KFC because they have the best chicken in the world. People eat it because it's a pain in the ass to make at home and the line was too long at Popeye's."
ReplyDaaaammmmmnnnnnnnn......