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#2.
Dowsing
Why are you scraping by paycheck to paycheck when precious metals and oil are right under your feet, waiting to be found? If you thought finding that stuff required all sorts of, you know, experts and equipment and such, you've not heard of dowsing! Dowsing, or witching, is the centuries-old process of finding water, oil, gems and precious metals using a bent stick or a pendulum. And magic!
Today, dowsers even have their own professional associations, both Americanand British versions. There's a mailing list for you to join, at a small cost. Trust us, that's the last time the costs will be "small" here. Sure, there are online guides to dowsing available for free and e-books for the low low price of $20 - $70. But if you're serious, you can take courses with an experienced dowser for $99. Not bad, considering that "find water via magic" professionals can charge $200 an hour.
Of course, just as with ghost hunting, the right tools are everything. Online catalogs sell state of the art water witching tools that boast, "...energy mineral ore is used to stimulate the crystals in the power tube... with a newly developed power load formula in a second power tube." The top of the line is the Power Master Rod III which can be had for the bargain price of... wait for it... $2,495. Be careful before you call bullshit on this, these guys can probably use that thing to "witch" out where you live. #1.
Witchcraft
Witchcraft isn't quite as cool as Voodoo, but the whole dancing naked with the devil thing almost makes up for the lack of zombies. Many witches will complain that we are taking them out of context and that magic is not evil, only the intent of the caster is evil. Fine. We believed Charlton Heston when he said something similar, we'll believe you too. We went searching the Internet for an information-age solution to our spellcasting needs and, sure enough, found plenty of grimoires (spell books) available online:
Shop for grimoires on Amazon and you find dozens of them in print (though the classics can be found freely available as PDFs, such as the Grimoire Verum, Heptameron and The Black Pullet). But we want to be up on only the most modern witchcraft techniques, such as those offered by Summoning Spirits: The Art of Magical Evocation.
We had almost clicked to order this one when this undoctored two-star review warned us off: "I'm a student of an esoterical order, and I have quite some knoledge about Magick and Summoning technics. Although this is an interesting book, with a really nice definition of the Art, it takes this Art too lightly in my point of view... I wondered if the author is aware of the real nature and wiseness of this kind of Spirits, and how they can create ilusions in one's mind." Hmm... that's a good point. We decided to try the less advanced Gothic Grimoire by the same author, but then we saw this one-star review:
Eight of 52 people found that review helpful, which is odd because when we read it out loud our hair burst into flames. Perhaps this is a subject best left to the experts. And by that we mean an online spell-casting service. Yes, they do curses too. All for the low price of $27, or $54 if you want it triple cast. Or $189 if you want it cast by the coven. If you don't want to wait the usual two or three weeks, add an extra $54 for an urgent cast. All major credit cards accepted, a one year unconditional guarantee on all spells given--provided you maintain a positive frame of mind! And it's all done via email! No awkward face-to-face interaction required!
What do you mean? Of course we trust her to actually do the spell! The testimonials say it all:
Hmm... but you are still fat, right? And just look at how happy Michelle K is with the service:
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If you believe anything on this list is remotely true, please have yourself sterilized. You'll be doing the rest of us a favor. That is all.
It's sad that idiots buy and sell this type of s**t.
It just makes legit neo-pagans and new-agers look loony. :/
They aren't?
"legit" lol
Most of those "Grimoire" entries are movies books and games. Actually... I'm pretty sure /all/ of them are.
My husband's cousin witched out our well. He uses a fresh y-ed branch of an apple tree. He has done it several times, and is quite good at it. Our well was one of the very few that didn't go dry during a horrible drought we had around here 2 years ago.
LOL - awesome.
No he didn't. You are a gullible moron.
I had a buddy of mine dowse all the water lines in my yard with 100% accuracy. He's a pro plumber and has been doing it for years, albeit with a cut-up coat hanger. No power crystals needed.
Didn't happen.
Astrology is real. It just means the locations of the celestial bodies... if you choose to beleive this can predict the future or behaviour then that's fine, but not technically astrology.
What is it called then? Astronomy?
Personally, I think the dowsing rods do work. It seems they helped people find an excellent source of wealth, namely idiots willing to shell out large amounts of money for crap.
Too true. How people can believe in superstition because of their own anecdotal experience is beyond my range of thinking.
Beckquerel, there are people who seriously practice Wicca and other religions that include magick. (Voodoo, or vodou, is an actual religion as well.) But then there are morons who think they can gain magical powers by buying a spell kit or voodoo doll online, or having someone (pretend to) do a spell for them. I believe this article is speaking of the latter.
Thank you. The whole aim was to take a swipe at the predators - not folk who are desperate enough to try anything.
Yes people who think buying voodoo kits online can solve all their problems are idiots.
Any Wiccan that practices magic isn't a Wiccan at all...
Uhm to be fair, Witchcraft, or Magick is a part of many New Age and Pagan religions such as Wicca, so you just insulted someone's religion. And Ghost hunting, I know it's laughable that they just hand you a CD and you don't have to take any classes, but I think the idea that ghosts don't exist is not clear cut.
Thanks a f**kton, Sorceror Einstein.
Totally agree Becquerel. Magick isn't just something practiced by crazy people, it's a real part of a real religion. Most people misunderstand Magick, but it's really kinda like prayer only more fun and spiritual. And Pagans do not "dance naked with the Devil", they don't even believe in the Devil.
All religions are worthy of mockery. ALL of them. If you take offense to a comedy site poking fun at a religious group then gtfo.
I noticed that someone called the picture of Aquaman a picture of "Mermaid Man" from Spongebob. What kind of a world do we live in where a 68 year old MAINSTREAM comic book character (as lame as he may be) is less known then his parody on kids show that started 10 years ago?
To be fair, the version of Voodoo found on the internet and involving Voodoo dolls has nothing to do with the actual religion from which the name is drawn. In fact, the idea of Voodoo dolls was not only purported by Hollywood but made up by a script writer for a horror serial in the early 50's. The actual island religion claims no magic or spells, and mostly involves rules about what you can and can't eat, as well as lots of ceremonial dancing.
There is science behind voodoo. Zombes have actually been created and exist. They are not dead obviously but controlled humans in a lobotomized state. Ghost hunting is equally real. I am a ghost hunter, I have seen many things I cannot explain, have an IQ of 160, am a Software Engineer, and am NOT A MORON. Just because we cannot explain something yet does not mean it is bullshit. However, if you buy anything called a Ghost Meter or whatever you are a fucking moron. There are legitimate tools but not a single one has Ghost in its title. They are scientific instruments that seem to be affected by paranormal activity.
Thanks a f**kton, Sorceror Einstein.
You're not a moron, just a screw short on your hinge.
Software Engineer? I thought you said you were a ghost hunter?
Ohhhhhh you just said that to make yourself look good, I understand now.
dowsing is so easy! you take a stick shaped like a y and walk over to a well or tap. LOL!
Yeah, most of that stuff is crazy. I can understand people believing in it, I mean there are a lot of christians right? The whole ghost thing is huge in Canada right now, there are so many shows about it, and it's so funny to watch. Dowsing is real though, not for oil or diamonds or that kind of stuff, but it does work for water, and you don't need a 2 thousand dollar rod, just a branch of hazel or willow. I didn't believe it at first but I've seen it done. Maybe it's just luck, but it is weird.
This article is funny because the people commenting haven't figured out that voodoo dolls are not what actual voodoo practitioners do.
Fuck that shit, I'm a Necromancer. My book only costs about $5 and you can get it from the Avon lady.
Also, Wiccan chicks are easy. (especially when they see my army of the damned)
Thanks a f**kton, Sorceror Einstein.
roggie ... I just cast a spell to turn you ... ribit ... ribit ... ribit ... ribit .... (aw f**k!) ... ribit ... ribit
Hair? Bursting in flames?
Overeaction to simple Greek then.
Well with a cretan accent :P
Okay first of all, Wicca ISN'T EVIL.
WE DON'T DANCE NAKED, AND IT IS REAL!!!!
Thanks a f**kton, Sorceror Einstein.
Riadse is right,Wiccas don't even practice bad Magick. Well, some do, but they aren't the very nice ones and are disgraceful to what Wicca is about.
How is it real?
Is it natural that people seek Beauty and Wealthy???? then we know why rich man wants beautiful woman and sexy woman wants successful man.. you know so many online services focus on it now.. such as -----AffluentSingle.com----- where many real & hot woman and successful & wealthy man waiting for hooking up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
where did that guy get the Mermaid Man costume (as seen in that lovely television show about our favorite inhabitant of Bikini Bottom)?
http://spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/Mermaid_Man