7 Hilariously Failed Attempts at Politically Correct Toys
#3.
Pink Ribbon Barbie
In 2006, Mattel (again) had the nutty idea that they should honor breast cancer fighters/survivors with a special Pink Ribbon Barbie and donate a percentage of the profits to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which is so noble that 17 bald eagles exploded when you read that sentence.
So What's the Problem?
Imagine creating a doll whose sole purpose was to honor people born with flipper arms, but instead of crafting actual flipper arms for your doll you give her the most beautiful arms mankind had ever seen and a withering, condescending smile to beam back at the mutated horror-children she is meant to honor. This Barbie is kind of like that.
Mattel's approximation of someone with cancer.
Women battling breast cancer frequently lose their hair from chemotherapy and, in extreme cases, end up having one or both breasts removed as a last ditch effort to save themselves from the disease.
So "honoring" survivors with a fully coiffed pink princess and two gigantic, perfect boobs, who's on her way to the Healthy Lady Ball didn't quite sit well with a few people.
What makes this more confusing is the fact that the creator of Barbie, Ruth Handler, was a breast cancer survivor herself. So why was Mattel--who had the nerve to mass produce a doll with a fetus inside of it--too squeamish to make a toy actually depicting the symptoms suffered by the very woman who created it?
Oh right, because nobody would've fucking bought it.
#2.
Preemie Cabbage Patch Dolls
Following the phenomenal success of the Cabbage Patch Kids, Coleco chose to expand the doll line in a new direction, wisely targeting the whimsical joys of life-threatening premature births.
The Cabbage Patch Preemie dolls featured smaller bodies than their full-term counterparts, tiny diapers and baldish heads that smelled like they'd been rolled around in baby powder for seven hours.
So What's the Problem?
You know what's not all that cuddly? A one and a half-pound infant fighting for its fragile life in a coffin-shaped incubator with more tubes and machines attached to it than Weapon X. Don't forget the bandages that keep the light out of its underdeveloped eyes, or the little heating beds it has to lay in because it can't maintain its body heat. Toss in some weeping parents and a couple of nurses probing and prodding its frail little body and you've got the must-have toy of the season.
Coleco didn't even remotely try to emulate actual premature babies, which was probably for the best because other dollmakers have and this is what they ended up with:
Transforming delicate babies into big, fat-headed Cabbage Patch dolls is hardly endearing to preemie parents, but Coleco stepped up to the plate with this brilliant commercial, telling us once and for all that all it takes to keep a premature baby alive is a shitload of cookies:
#1.
Oreo Barbie
Sigh. Yeah, we had a sneaking suspicion that we weren't done with Barbie.
In 1997, Mattel joined forces with Nabisco in a cross-promotional effort that delighted fat little girls nationwide. And to prove once again that Mattel has the racial sensitivity of a package of Handi Snacks, they picked the one cookie in the universe that could ever be construed as offensive, ever.
Not a Photoshop.
Marketed as a toy that girls could feed their Oreos to after school (what?), Mattel manufactured both white and black dolls each sporting clothes that had "Oreo" written all over them as if they had just been attacked by a crazed team of Nabisco executives armed with magic markers. Early plans to pair the white doll with Ritz and stencil the word "Cracker" all over her clothes were nixed before production.
Cracker Barbie.
So What's the Problem?
"Oreo" happens to be a derogatory term used within the African-American community to describe a black person who, on the inside, really wants to be white. Get it? Because an Oreo is a chocolate cookie with white filling. It's the kind of thing it would take the whitest toy design team in the world to miss.
That's why it wasn't until the dolls were on shelves and baffling people across the country that Mattel realized their mistake (thanks to a collective "Are you shitting me?" from members of all races).
The Oreo Barbies were yanked from stores and discontinued, immediately turning them into sought after collectibles and leaving us with the riddle of what ethnic group Mattel will offend with their next promotion.
Kristi Harrison plays dress up with racist Barbies at Here-In-Idaho.com. Adam Tod Brown plays with his racist GI Joes at FunnyCrave.com.
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For more toys you shouldn't buy your children, check out 9 Toys That Prepare Children for a Life of Menial Labor. Or find out about some toys that will straight eat your child, in The 13 Most Unintentionally Disturbing Children's Toys.
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Not all breast cancer sufferers lose their hair, and even less lose breasts. On top o that, most of the ones that do either wear a wig or have implants, to make that fact unnoticable.
Replygotta remember, there are only like, 20 black people in all of Utah, so it's not like they knew any better when making the sockbama
ReplyBut if they had made a bald barbie with missing breast, everyone would have been mad. And I was always called an Oreo for being being black and white not being full black and wanting to be white. I always thought the term was for the first one.
ReplyI HAD that barbie doll! My mum used to bring it out whenever we had people over and I never understood the fuss.. I don't get why it was removed.. big deal, it's a doll depicting how women carry babies. I'd rather my daughter play with her than barbie in fishnets and thigh high boots, driving a bright pink convertible!
ReplyI actually think that a bald Barbie might have some selling points. Like, with a regular barbie, attemts at hair customization usually end up looking like the hair is an Old God. If you could put wigs on them and take said wigs off, they could easily change Barie's hairstyle or hair color. Plus, you could sell a toy that was just a huge pack of wigs that kids could scream at their parents to buy.
ReplyI don't understand the conflict with the Cuddle Me doll and monkey. It obviously wasn't intentional, and they could have easily paired the panda with the black baby, and the monkey with one of the others. Personally, I don't see something like that as a problem or anything to with race or racism unless someone points it out. Then aren't they kinda being racist? Also, the pregnant doll would creep me the f**k out if I was a child. A pregnant doll is grand. One where you can just rip her whole freaking stomach off and expose a foetus is demented. I bet some kids were terrified of pregnant women after that :p
Replywell, I think the problem was mostly that they named the black baby "Little Monkey"...
I had the pregnant barbie and the (black) Oreo barbie!
ReplyI'm sorry but i LOVE sock monkies - and I'm 28; i give all my nieces sock monkies when they are born- if the parents happen to be liberal, I'd by Obama sock monkey (and mock them) but a few month old child just sees a squishy toy to drool on. My BFF's are coyboys junkies and we are die hard Bears fans. Guess who's getting Bears cheeerleading outfits next Xmas;-).
ReplyGranted Its an inside joke but it's still hysterical and we know they will pay us back in spades once we have our baby!
I wonder if they will make a barbie in a hijab. I adore hijabs and I think they are pretty.
ReplyIf you really want a hijabi Barbie you can get a Fulla doll, they're disturbingly popular in the Middle East (own brand of breakfast cereal and everything).
To be honest, this is the first time I heard of the Oreo insult and I'm not even white.
ReplyIt's an African American thing, I only know about the whole Oreo thing cos so many websites I go to are American based.
"Where is African America?"
"I don't know... It isn't on any of my charts!"
"Oreo" is a term used in the African-American community to describe a black person who, on the inside, really wants to be white?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesOkay, now expand that and explain what a black person is and what a white person is without using racial stereotypes. GO!
Wee bit hypocritical, is all I'm saying.
So races other than whites use terms that are racist and filled with unfortunate implications, who knew?
Black person: Has black skin. Generally of African descent.
White person: Has white skin. Generally of European descent.
/Done
I always heard Oreo used for the child of a white/black couple.
Man, thats easy! See, white people, they be drivin' like this: "Oh my goodness, I am late for my very im-por-tant business meeting with the boss! We're trying to get the Johnson account today! Oh dear, oh dear!" But brothers, see, they be drivin' all: "*imitating loud bass* YEE-UH, LITTLE IN THE MIDDLE BUT SHE GOT MUCH BACK!!". Am I right!? And when a white dude be makin' love, he be all: "rrmf...ummm...n'geee....oh dear, I ejaculated." But not the brothers, right? Brothers be all: "Mmmm, yeah...we been doin' this for a week, girl...". Some Teddy PENDERgrass up in that shit! And she say "Oh no you di'in't, muhfukkuh!" But we did! This dude knows what I'm sayin'! We did! Them white women, man, sisters may say 'no you di'in't' but them white women don't NEVER give up the butt!
Hence, an Oreo is a black person who wants to drive in a panic and without a lot of bass in his music, have sex for only a few seconds and hopes his girlfriend or wife always declines anal sex.
Okay, I still don't see the problem with the Pink Ribbon Barbie. Did people with cancer WANT the doll to look like she's suffering or something, or did they just not want a doll whose proceeds go to helping them and millions of other sufferers? I'm not trying to be condescending or smart ass about it; I really want to understand the problem people had with a Barbie doll.
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesIt shouldn't be any problem. A beautiful Barbie doll appeals to little girls, Mothers will love that the doll helps the foundation and girls will have a pretty doll to play with. Is a Win win but apparently someone at Cracked didn't got the Barbie she wanted as a kid and hates Mattel LOL
Yeah, if she had a mastectomy and was bald, she'd just get further down the list and even MORE ridiculed...
the problem is that people are overly sensitive about certain thing and just like to b***h and moan
Exactly, they'd say a bald Barbie was insensitive or upset children or something. It'd be the same as the pregnancy thing. Kids kinda understand it but not really, and adults would complain about showing them such an upsetting thing at a young age. Once it's helping a cause, it shouldn't really matter if the doll itself doesn't show the illness. At the same time, they could have made one with short hair and bandanas or something? I get the point that it would be nice for children who did understand it or were going through it. Tricky one.
So glad I'm not the only one who saw no problem with that doll. It's wasn't a Barbie that taught kids about cancer, it was a Barbie that helped raise money for the cause...
If you're so sensitive that a f*****g toy offends you (to the point that you take time to complain to the toy company about it), then you need to go live in a country in which real problems exist and threaten your way of life/your life, period. Don't like the toy? Don't buy it. Move on.
Reply#4 they spelled it navaho not navajo. Tryin real hard
ReplyThey spelled it "Navajoe" on purpose, in reference to the G.I. Joe action figures the two come from.
actually ladyspade i think the commenter was referring to the file cards on the gi joes, which both spell it NAVAHO/NAVAHOS, not to the author, who was using navaJOES in the article. if you go back and look at the file card pis, you can see it.
a lot of these aren't that bad. i think they're just over analyzing.
ReplyI actually got a newborn and a premature Cabbage Patch doll as a kid. Mom and got them for me because *I* was premature. They used them to explain all the issues I had, and the differences, and I then insisted that premature one had to be treated like I was when I was born. It helpped the little me understand why I was smaller than other kids, and had why I had alot of the issues I did.
ReplyRacism shmacism, I want that badass Indian GI Joe. He has a freakin' eagle.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHeck yeah! I still have one. He's awesome. But oh, wait, we're supposed to be offended by him. Ooops! Forgot I lived in Communist China for a secon......oh, really? Still America? Hmmm.
Boo to the people giving you a thumbs down doras.
not to mention that his skydiving buddy has a better resume than most joes, no matter the race
Obama's not black. He's mixed race. Now I know all about the "mixed race people are monkeys" stereotype. I geuss I learn something new every day.
ReplyIt's called hypodescent. Google it.
The controversy is silly. I mean, Obama, no matter what race he is, does kinda look like a Sock Monkey. No one (in this case) said that all black people look like monkeys, myself included. Hell, some WHITE people look like Sock Monkeys. Grow a pair, whiny babies!
I actually own number 7 Lol xD
ReplyAfter reading the comments I've come to the conclusion that toys should only be realistic (as deemed appropriate by a multi-cultural board of directors) and have nothing to do with imagination what so ever.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies"The Joe with the Indian skirt? Yeah, he has to go. Not racially sensitive. Dr. Mindbender? What's wrong with him? He's an evil white scientist, I don't see the point."
Perhaps the point is most of these were toys aimed at children, not to teach them racism, but to sell a f*****g product. Regular soldiers and dolls get boring pretty quick. Therefore, adding flair to the toys in any way possible will help sell them.
Newsflash: no one wants to buy a bald, boob-less Barbie doll, especially not the kids who play with them.
Why isn't the white Oreo Barbie racist? Oh, because that doesn't fit the racism profile, which HAS to exist everywhere. Newsflash: Mattel AND Oreo had to sign off on the black and white Oreo dolls. I highly doubt anyone thought, let alone knew about the so-called racist slang term for an Oreo. Besides, isn't that something we shouldn't be acknowledging? Kinda like taking the power away? They're f*****g dolls!
Dear idiots, anything can be insensitive or offensive to another person, it just depends if they are a crybaby or not.
Totally agree.
THANK YOU.
I find your comment offensive! The term "boob-less" is hurtful to those of below-average bust probably! Also, it portrays feminists as angry lesbians somehow. I don't really know all the details for that one, but rest assured, I feel like a victim on behalf of someone or other!
Best comment on this article. *applaud*