|
Sometime in the 1970s, toy makers realized that not all the children of the world are rich, healthy, white Americans. Eager to get their hands on some non-white dollars, they got busy redecorating their dolls with new ethnicities, diseases and unwanted teen pregnancies. And really, who better to handle sensitive racial and social issues than toy makers? As it turns out, just about anyone. #7.
Happy Family Pregnant Midge
Wanting to stay vigilant at the forefront of producing children's toys that make everyone horribly uncomfortable, Mattel identified three universal truths about little girls: 1. They love dolls. Using this wisdom as a blueprint, Mattel conceived (get it?!) Happy Family Pregnant Midge and Baby (her original name "Unwed Janet and Bellysack Full Of Jason the Blockbuster Clerk" was deemed too controversial).
So What's the Problem? The pretty picture of wholesomeness starts unraveling the minute you lift up Midge's dress, which every single one of us would do within two seconds so there's no point in denying it.
She looks pretty much the same as our moms did, minus the tattooed stretch marks and appendix scars. Things don't get offensive until the kids want to play C-section with Midge, which by the way they totally fucking can. Her baby gut is magnetic, so snap that son of a bitch off and boom, it's upside-down fetus time.
Whip that placenta-less baby out and it's ready to play dress up, but don't forget to snap Midge's skinny belly back on or else Daddy will have to beat the pretty back into her.
Shockingly, Knocked-Up Midge and her creepy ass baby were scrapped shortly after their launch. #6.
Chinese New Year Barbie and Amazonia Barbie
Much like Madonna, Barbie is super great at bastardizing other people's heritages in the sexiest, most gap-toothed way possible, and Mattel decided she needed to give the ladies of China and the Amazon a makeover. Check out the picture above; the Chinese is practically radiating from her body. Meanwhile, Barbie's visit to the southern hemisphere yielded similar results in the form of a doll that doesn't look a thing like Megan Fox.
Mattel captures the spirit of both of these mighty nations flawlessly, from the feathers atop Amazonian Barbie's sleek, gleaming hair and the tribal tattoos on her pasty white thighs to the distinctly European facial features of Chinese Barbie, these dolls scream EFFORT from the get-go. So What's the Problem? In the case of Amazonia Barbie, "effort" means crapping out a design of a white woman wearing enough make-up to pass for a gay guy passing for a white woman posing as an Amazonian disco queen. Looking at authentic pictures of Amazonian women, we can see where there'd be some confusion:
And their depiction of a Chinese woman can be excused provided that your definition of "Chinese" is "Catherine Zeta-Jones."
Besides the full-on disregard for a major physical trait of Asian races (THE SHAPE OF THE FUCKING EYES), Mattel went through the trouble of actually painting on eyebrows that were distinctly lighter than the color of the doll's hair, as if they weren't quite ready to go "full-Chinese" just yet.
It's much better to imply that this pale-skinned, sedately smiling beauty is gently aware of the people of China and honors them with her wig and Mandarin dress, but at the end of the day she can still take all that shit off and go back to being white. #5.
TheSock Obama and Cuddle with Me Lil' Monkey
During the presidential election race in 2008, a Utah-based company called TheSock Obama Co. released what they referred to as "historical presidential memorabilia" and what everyone else in the world referred to as "a sock monkey Barack Obama."
They began selling the doll on their website www.thesockobama.com, proving that some marketing campaigns never move beyond the weed-fueled play on words they began with.
Meanwhile, Brass Key Keepsakes, a company known primarily for manufacturing children's dreams in the form of Disney Princess dolls, recently introduced a line called Cuddle with Me, which features racially diverse infants packaged together with a stuffed animal companion.
Depending on which version you buy, that companion is either a panda bear or a monkey, animals that rank just below "crocodile" and "scorpion" on the list of things you should never let anywhere near your children. Both dolls were available in white, black and Hispanic and were sold in Costco warehouses, presumably bundled together with 200 AA batteries and a triple pack of Frosted Flakes. So What's the Problem? This may come as a surprise to people who've lived their lives completely isolated from all black people and black culture as a whole, but they tend not to like the "black people are monkeys" thing. Yes, it's truly political correctness run amok when you can't even stereotype an entire race as subhuman. As you may have noticed, both Barack Obama and the Lil' Monkey baby doll are in fact black people. Media outlets across the country picked up the story on both, as tends to happen with this sort of thing.
TheSock Obama Co. defended their product, calling it "cute and cuddly" and insisting they hadn't meant to upset anyone with their "charming association" between a black man and a monkey.
In fact TheSock Obama is still available for sale online along with a sock monkey Joe Biden, which was probably meant to be given as a gift to misbehaving children. Lil' Monkey, meanwhile, was pulled from stores and the line was discontinued, presumably teaching Brass Key Keepsakes to spend a little more time developing their next product before unleashing it on an unsuspecting public. #4.
Spirit and Airborne, Native American G.I. Joes
Hasbro upped the racist ante in the early 80s with not one, but two Native American G.I. Joes. On the left up there is Charlie Iron-Knife, AKA "Spirit," a mystical tracker. On the right is Franklin E. Talltree, a thrill-seeking airborne specialist creatively nicknamed "Airborne." So What's the Problem? Despite their somewhat confusing and stereotypical last names (Talltree, OK, fine, but Iron-Knife... what?), there doesn't seem to be anything immediately objectionable about these two NavaJOES. Except for, well, Spirit has an eagle on his arm and seems to be wearing an apron for no reason... but Native Americans get those standard issue on the reservation, right? Maybe his file card clears that all up:
"Spirit comes from a family so far below the poverty line that they never realized they were poor." Yes, seemingly unhappy with the regular old "Indians are poor" stereotype, they decided to go all-out and have Spirit be so fucking broke he doesn't even know it. He was a hunting guide, because hunting is all Native Americans know how to do, and after Vietnam he rejoined the Army for "reasons inexplicable to anyone but a Native American mystic warrior," which might as well read "because of some Dances with Wolves bullshit." Sadly, Airborne fares no better:
See? He's wealthy, he's smart, an accomplished lawyer-OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD: You look at him and sometimes he's looking right through you. Must be the Indian in him. The Navahos [sic] call it "the far-seeing look." Spooky! Those crazy Native Americans. If they're not summoning spirit devils with their mystic mind powers, then they're just looking at you, all aloof-like. Damn them and their crazy injun ways! |
6 Creepy Urban Legends That Happen to be True (Part 3!)
7 Things "Good Parents" Do (That Screw Kids Up for Life)
5 Ridiculous Ancient Beliefs (That Thrive on the Internet)
6 Natural Disasters That Were Caused by Human Stupidity
I'm gonna go ahead and say it: I think Oreo Barbie is really hot. Has the Rule 34 been applied to her yet? Or even better, Is she based on a real person? And if she is, can I have her address? I promise not to stalk her.
lilkalaruku. wow. Must have sucked being raised and taught by passive-agressive privileged racists.
I think I had that oreo barbie when I was younger. I wonder why my parents didn't take it away from me when there was controversy.
Holy fuck, Preemies, reeally? I thought that was just you guys spouting crap.. what the hell!?
As far as I was taught by my parents & teachers, "if you see something & think it looks racist, then you're racist for even noticing it." & "people who go out of their way to look for racist stereopypes are racist themselves."
Yeah I noticed the "Social Services" part. What exactly does that even mean... or is it what I think it is?
Did anyone else notice that in the GI Joes one, the card for Tracker lists his Secondary "Military" Specialty as "Social Services"? Hasbro R&D: "He's poor and joined the army for no reason. So, Infantry. Can we have him specialize in 'poor'? No? Alright, Social Services it is."
In an unusual case of potential retrospective humor (can I say "irony" here?), I was born premature and the only clothes that would fit me at the time came from Cabbage Patch dolls.
To be clear, I'm not saying there was intent to offend in the production of these toys, but that some (particularly the ones I mentioned) are legitimately going to come across that way to a lot of people.
My friends recommended me a very interesting place __AgelessFriends.com__ It's a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not a problem there. You may wanna check it out and tell your friends.
My friends recommended me a very interesting place __AgelessFriends.com__ It's a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not a problem there. You may wanna check it out and tell your friends.
"Christ, people in this decade are delicate little flowers aint they? When I was a kid no one would have even noticed this stuff was the least bit insensitive, or really given a s**t. Great article, but it could have done with a bit more derision for the habitually offended people that seem to be everywehere nowdays." ..The majority of the things on this list didn't come out in this decade. Guess we're up for this generation's version of "When I was your age" huh?
Reading about that Oreo Barbie makes me really want to eat some Oreos. Well played, Nabisco. Well played.
I see nothing wrong with the Chinese New Year Barbie. I am a half-Asian woman, albeit Southeast Asian, and the doll's features are quite similar to those of myself and my relatives, most notably in the nose, lips, and jawline. Yes, the skintone's a bit off (it's a little too pink), but that can be overlooked.
Ya got it wrong on Mattel's 'pregnant' Midge doll. Part of the 'Happy Family' line, the doll, after initial controversy, went onto to become one of Mattel's best selling franchises, including husband Alan, two toddlers and grandparents. A house with sound effects was also developed, along with an extensive wardrobe for Midge and family. Come on guys -- I like funny as much as the next guy, but don't get it twisted.
I want one of those Black Oreo Barbies...
its good that there is probably some genuine innocense when making these toys, in the fact that not all people think of races and the like as an issue, at least not every one has been corrupt yet.
its good that there is probably some genuine innocense when making these toys, in the fact that not all people think of races and the like as an issue, at least not every one has been corrupt yet.
There was an opportunity lost to make the bizarrely racist Obama monkey a win for ANTI-racism. Think about it...he's a monkey, you're a monkey, we are ALL monkeys. Evolved ones. The problem didn't need to exist if they'd done some monkey toys of non-black people. If they'd brought out John McGibbon and Sarah Crested Mandrill toys last year, then there would not have been a problem. I understand the Blood-Drinking Reptile Bush plush toy Mattel came out with in 2004 was pulled for safety reasons.
Christ, people in this decade are delicate little flowers aint they? When I was a kid no one would have even noticed this stuff was the least bit insensitive, or really given a shit. Great article, but it could have done with a bit more derision for the habitually offended people that seem to be everywehere nowdays.
7 Secrets Only Two Living People Know (For Some Reason)
5 Self-Destructive Ways People Accidentally Cured Themselves
The 6 Creepiest Places on Earth
13 Real Animals Lifted Directly Out of Your Nightmares
Copyright © 2005 - 2009 Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved. CRACKED, CRACKED.COM and the "CRACKED" logo are trademarks owned by Cracked Entertainment, Inc. All rights reserved.
Reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Digg
Del.icio.us
Fark
