4Stretching via Penile Traction
You don't need to hear much beyond "penile traction device" to know it's bad news. If it sounds like it's going to be a tiny version of a medieval torture device for your dong, well, then they picked an accurate name.
The gadget is designed to be worn 12 hours a day, because you probably have that much free time to devote to yanking your dick all out of shape. The idea is that you're forcing the cells to split and rebuild under the stress of stretching. Which is something akin to claiming that bungee jumping with weights strapped on your ass will make you grow taller.
Once your wang is wedged into the contraption, a combination of cogs and springs apply a steady pressure to hold it taut, like your own one-stringed crotch guitar. Originally used to help men with curvatures and scar tissue resulting from traumatic injury or surgery, these gizmos are now available all over the Internet.
Injuries from overzealous application of traction do happen, and include bruising and vascular damage. You also have to figure out a way to wear one 12 hours a day without horrifying your coworkers and avoiding damage and bruising while figuring out how to sit with six-inches of metal in your pants.
If that sounds inconvenient, you could just try the "dangle large weights off the tip of your dong for 15-30 minutes a day" method.
What could possibly go wrong with that?
3Piercings for Sexual Performance
If you scoff at the idea of mere hallucinogens and dick racks, then piercings may be for you. There are several piercings that have gained popularity as ways to enhance performance and pleasure, but the most common are the Prince Albert and Jacob's Ladder. Neither of these names quite capture the level of creepiness that those of us not into dong modification feel upon actually seeing them.
Both require weeks of healing time, risk of infection or rejection of the hardware, and of course the special pain that can only come from having someone turn your penis into a pin cushion with a 10-gauge piercing needle.
This is not a fish hook, that's the piercing needle. Still sure this is a good idea?
If you'd like to know what a needle like that feels like without going to a shop to have it done, simply break all but one of the tines off a fork then stab yourself with it.
The Prince Albert is said to be the most sexually appealing piercing by people who decide how hot metal-dicks are. It is performed by inserting a needle from the outside of your unit, into the urethra and out through a tube that's been inserted into your piss hole to make sure it all goes smoothly. What you're left with is a metal ring now embedded right next to a very sensitive nerve bundle and a good reason to never get into a fight with anyone while pantsless.
The Ladder is a bit more demanding and involves turning your dong into something resembling a cross between a flute and a spiral notebook.
That's an ear, but you get the idea
Hoops or barbells are inserted from just below the head and along the shaft to the base. The exact number is entirely based on how insane you are.