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Size is not the only thing that matters in the mating game. As society has advanced men have found countless additional reasons to be dissatisfied with their junk, and someone has always been there to sell them products that will supposedly fix it. So how far will men go to enhance their package? To awful, horrifying lengths. #6.
Black Stone A.K.A. Toad Poison for Your Dick
Also known as Love Stone, Stone or Sweet Louisiana Frog Shit, this aphrodisiac can actually be purchased on the street from the same upstanding citizens that deal in meth, crack and other quality merchandise that you smuggle in your ass. Made from toad poison, the same ooze that will get you high from licking amphibians can also give you a raging hard-on if applied to the desired area, which is to say your crank.
Of course, the same hallucinogenic properties are present, meaning that things might start off awesome but soon degrade into an all too real nightmare of you putting the hump on a flame-spewing John Madden and not being able to understand why it's turning you on so much.
If you manage to avoid a bad trip, you might still end the night in the hospital, or worse off, the morgue. The active ingredient in Stone is bufotenin, and ingesting it in anything more than microscopic amounts can result in violent stomach cramps, heart problems and eventually your undignified shuffling from this mortal coil, forever saddled with acute toad boner as a cause of death. #5.
Spanish Fly
If the toad poison doesn't work for you, then there's another horribly ill-conceived source of hope: Spanish Fly. Don't get freaked out, it's not really a fly, that'd be gross. It's just a beetle. A blister beetle. A beetle that causes blisters.
This legendary aphrodisiac is nothing more than ground up bug bits. What's more, the active ingredient of the stuff, cantharidin, only exists in quantities of about five percent per beetle; meaning many of their tiny exoskeletons have to be crushed to a powder to make just one shimmering, bitter tasting dose. The likelihood that each hit of Spanish Fly contains at least as much tangy insect as your average meal at Taco Bell is fairly high. If you are willing to ingest this creepy crawling cocktail, be prepared for the results. Spanish Fly is not so much an aphrodisiac as it is a toxin that will give you a horrifyingly itchy inflammation of the genital area and a rousing case of priaprism (a hard-on that just won't quit). And who amongst us hasn't thought a night of passion would be made all the more exhilarating by the addition of horrible crotch itch and a raging poison boner?
The bigger issue with Spanish Fly is that its effect isn't limited to your penis. That same horrifying nightmare affecting your ballsack is affecting your whole body. And if you overdose then every inch of you will be stiff once they cart your bug-addled ass to the morgue. Alright, so the chemical solutions don't seem all that great. Unfortunately, they only get worse from here... #4.
Stretching via Penile Traction
You don't need to hear much beyond "penile traction device" to know it's bad news. If it sounds like it's going to be a tiny version of a medieval torture device for your dong, well, then they picked an accurate name.
The gadget is designed to be worn 12 hours a day, because you probably have that much free time to devote to yanking your dick all out of shape. The idea is that you're forcing the cells to split and rebuild under the stress of stretching. Which is something akin to claiming that bungee jumping with weights strapped on your ass will make you grow taller.
Once your wang is wedged into the contraption, a combination of cogs and springs apply a steady pressure to hold it taut, like your own one-stringed crotch guitar. Originally used to help men with curvatures and scar tissue resulting from traumatic injury or surgery, these gizmos are now available all over the Internet. Injuries from overzealous application of traction do happen, and include bruising and vascular damage. You also have to figure out a way to wear one 12 hours a day without horrifying your coworkers and avoiding damage and bruising while figuring out how to sit with six-inches of metal in your pants. If that sounds inconvenient, you could just try the "dangle large weights off the tip of your dong for 15-30 minutes a day" method.
What could possibly go wrong with that? |
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On the top of the list 10 Thins Men Don’t Want to Hear in Bed is “Is it in yet?” The dislike of this simple sentence shows most men are lack of confidence. They are always afraid of the fact that they could not satisfy their mates. When they hear “Is it in yet?” they might feel inferior for having a small instrument. The size is a big problem for men. I think that almost every normal man would like to hear the praise as “Woo, your tool is huge.” And some of them might dream for having a stick that could wear the rubber wristbands. That is why men like the huge machine gun better than the exquisite small bore rifle. One thing that confuses me most is what the fantastic sex for men is. I know it is totally different from the definition for women. For men, the crazy position, the big tool and the raptured sexual moans could be part for fantastic sex. What is more, the ode women sang for his big instrument during or after sex could be an awesome ending for this activity. Is that all men want? It seems that there is no place for the romantic candle lights, the soft music and the hot flirting. Kiss is an enjoyment for women, while it is the beginning of sex for men. In Friends, Joey satisfied his mate without sending his little dude and that amazed him. Maybe almost all the men do not know that sometimes, other ways for sex could be better than the pumping movement. The soft touch, a warm long sweet kiss could give us good feelings. If you had never kneaded your mate’s nipples or sucked them, you could never know that how important roles these parts act in the sexual activity for your mate. Having perfect and crazy sex is not only about the pumping instrument, but it is also about love, about the romantic atmosphere and the feelings of both parties.
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Ochies!
A Jacob's Ladder isn't usually done with captive bead rings, they're usually done with straight barbells. And out of all this stuff, probably the best thing someone could do their peepee is to pierce it. It's not extremely painful, the are has heavy blood flow so healing time is minimal, and nobody knows unless you show them. Ahaha, penis traction. Smh.
I googled it. Safe search did nothing. I think ima have nightmares.
This is all penis crap. What about my vagina?!
=[ PA's aren't done with those fishhooks... they're done with medical-grade hollow needles, and those weeks of non-sex/rubbn1out are worth it. < wink face here > http://wiki.bmezine.com/index.php/PA
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also where did you get that definition of lumpkin? i dont even want to know. dont answer.
also where did you get that definition of lumpkin? i dont even want to know. dont answer.
I thought the 'impractical fetishes' article was the low point in my web surfing life... but this article literally made me cry a little bit. Also ...clowns? did you have to go there? Jesus Christ.
Dude...just take it from the girl beneath you. :P Also, your use of the word "p***y" is misplaced, as you said yourself that it isn't for everyone. I think you just feel 'larger' (ha) than others. It's nothing to get excited over.
happy heathan, yur just a p***y man. i know they're not for everyone, but i've got three piercings in my junk and they're soo worth it. and the only way they get infected to the level of "dickrot" as you put it, is if you're a complete retard and dont clean it as much as the guy tells you to. so yea you better stay away from them.
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