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One reason we love dogs is they give us so, so many reasons to feel superior to them. But much of what they do is so bizarre and unfathomable that you can't help but wonder what the hell they're thinking. It turns out they have their reasons. Weird, disgusting reasons. #6.
Eating Poop
Look, this is the elephant in the room. If we're going to talk about strange dog behavior, and don't get the "they eat shit" thing off the table right away, we would be shouted down until we addressed it. And rightfully so. Dogs eat their own poop, they eat other dogs poop, mother dogs eat the pups' poop (your mom never loved you enough to do that, did she?). They'd eat poop all day if you let them. So What the Hell Are They Thinking?
Back when dogs were wild and roaming the plains instead of riding around inside of tiny purses, predators could find a dog's den by detecting the smell of poop, specifically the kind left by defenseless, tasty puppies. Puppy feces has a distinct smell (you puppy owners know this!) because of the high milk content, making it the shit equivalent of a Swiss delicacy. So, to clean up the evidence and keep predators away, mom would eat it. We don't know why she doesn't just bury it, but we're not here to judge.
Anyway, this tradition carries on even for dogs that had been living in the comfort of human homes for generations. Tradition just works like that sometimes, you don't know why you and your buddies high-five when you're celebrating something, you just do it because that's what people do. You would think that at some point you'd reevaluate it if instead of slapping hands you were fucking eating your own shit. But again, they're dogs. And on that subject, explanations for poop eating outside of cleaning up for pups includes boredom (imagine being so bored that eating your own shit seems like a fun way to kill a few minutes--do your dog a favor and toss a stick it) and just general cleanliness. That last one is especially true if the dog is in a confined spot in the yard or in a pin, because leaving it just laying out, well that would be gross, wouldn't it? #5.
Sniffing Each Other's Asses
"Dear Cracked.com article on weird dog behavior. I noticed that when meeting another dog, Rex frantically sniffs the other dog's anus, while the other dog returns the favor in a kind of Yin-Yang of ass sniffing. Worse, sometimes when a person comes to the door, he'll do the same to them! How much more savage should the beatings become to cull this disrespect?" So What the Hell Are They Thinking? Just as each human has a unique face, each dog has a unique ass stank. If you've ever wondered why dogs sniff each other's asses on meeting, wonder no more. They don't need to see a face, just smell an ass.
It's not, however, because they want to smell the dried shit and fart residue around there. Dogs have two glands around their anus, and sacs that emit a fluid. That stuff tells another dog everything they need to know; the dog's sex, how healthy they are, what their diet is like, even their mood. If you think we're exaggerating, keep in mind a dog's sense of smell is 100,000 times more sensitive than a human's. To them, there's a whole autobiography written out in that other dog's asshole.
By the way, those glands are also why dogs drag their butts on the floor. Under normal conditions when a dog poops, the force of the shat is supposed to empty its anal sacs. However, some breeds (usually smaller dogs) cannot empty the sacs and they become impacted and irritated. You can have a vet or dog groomer squeeze that stuff out of there or, if you're the adventurous type and not opposed to getting knuckle deep in dog sphincter, there are do-it-yourself guides available. Since the difficulty of this task on eHow is "moderately easy," we'll assume they've never had to reach up a backwoods and homophobic bloodhound's anus. #4.
Turning Around and Around Before Sitting
"Thank you for answering my question above. Another thing I noticed is that Rex always twirls around a few times before lying down on the rug. Did I accidentally buy the retarded ballerina edition of our animal? Can I return it, and if not, are there any good recipes out there?" So What the Hell Are They Thinking? Eons of evolution have irreversibly stamped the "spin before lying down" technique into every dog's genetic repertoire, ensuring that every dog looks like it's trying to make sure its ass is still attached before falling asleep. Yes, once again an evolutionary leftover makes your dog look retarded.
Back in their wild days, when they did not have rugs or beds from PETCO to sleep on, turning around a few times before lying down would flatten any tall grass. That served the dual purpose of making the area more comfortable and to scour the spot for unpleasant creatures like snakes that could bite the hell out of a dog while it slept. It turns out that turning around is also an excellent form of temperature regulation. It not only clears tall grass and debris from a spot on the ground, but it exposes a cooler layer of dirt. In arid weather conditions, when a mud puddle or some kind of air conditioned PRADA doggy pillow may not be available, this difference in temperature can be invaluable for the animal's comfort.
The fact that a mud puddle is considered to be a luxury in the canine world makes us a little sad. Not as sad as the boredom shit eating, though. |
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O'neil what are you thinking posting that comment where dog lovers will see it. One day you may need a dogs help. Your child is lost in the bush. Don't ask a dog to track it do it yourself. Get that nose on the ground and find your child. If you have a thief don't expect the police dog to help track him down. You are so smart and narrow minded do it yourself. Don't eat meat a dog has probably rounded up the animals, to get them to market, also don't drink milk again the dogs will have helped get them into the milking shed. You take all these things for granted. Dogs have been a great service to man for thousands of years they are imbeded in every culture. Or is that dogs make such good friends. I know I would rather have my dogs friendship than yous. I had a dog that saved my son and I from a house fire. She could have run down the backyard and kept herself safe instead she decided to brave the smoke and bang on the back door until I woke up. She is in doggy heaven now but I will never forget her self sacrafice for my son and I. As for the germs in the dogs mouth. Humans have more different type of germs in ours than what dogs do. So don't you lick my dog you may give it something. I hope you get to read this.
Actually alpha wolves and dogs are often seen licking each other so the whole idea of it only being a submissive thing is invalidated just by watching the wolves and dog packs themselves. Also wolves and dogs do not see an alpha as a threat, if they did they would kill it like they do other wolves who are threats, it's that both of the alphas have proven themselves to be able to provide not only for themselves, but or the rest of the pack. They've shown that they can keep other predators away, that they can get food for everyone in the pack, that they know the best hunting routes and that they can deal with trouble makers for the rest of the clan. It's not that they are capitalists and our willing to subtly harm others that don't suck up to them to be alphas. Especially since they may be able to take on one, maybe two wolves each, but a whole pack? You wish your dick was that big.
Actually alpha wolves and dogs are often seen licking each other so the whole idea of it only being a submissive thing is invalidated just by watching the wolves and dog packs themselves. Also wolves and dogs do not see an alpha as a threat, if they did they would kill it like they do other wolves who are threats, it's that both of the alphas have proven themselves to be able to provide not only for themselves, but or the rest of the pack. They've shown that they can keep other predators away, that they can get food for everyone in the pack, that they know the best hunting routes and that they can deal with trouble makers for the rest of the clan. It's not that they are capitalists and our willing to subtly harm others that don't suck up to them to be alphas. Especially since they may be able to take on one, maybe two wolves each, but a whole pack? You wish your dick was that big.
We got my dog's anal sacs removed...best 500 dollar operation considering every month it was costing us upwards of 100 dollars just to have them drained
The helicopter part made me laugh my ass off.
Heh heh, CodyCastor.
Sorry for posting it twice
Wow poor Oneil! You surely don't like dogs. Did your poor ass got bitten by a bad doggy? And you now have sort of this revenge thing? Common spell it for me P A T H E T I C
Wow poor Oneil! You surely don't like dogs. Did your poor ass got bitten by a bad doggy? And you now have sort of this revenge thing? Common spell it for me P A T H E T I C
Great article, it makes for a good summary of just how disgusting dogs are. I always wondered about an insane HUMAN behavior - why do people keep these disgusting, filthy creatures as pets? Dogs eat s**t, then they go and lick your face. They communicate using their ass stench, and by peeing. They hump strangers, they bite strangers, they sniff asses, they bark at everything, they s**t and pee everywhere, they go around with their tails high in the air to make sure you see their ass hole, they drag their butts on the floor. YUCK. Sure, it's not the dog's fault that it's a disgusting creature, and yes, if you take one of these ugly devils and dress it up with enough cute accessories, and cut its hair in funny shapes, it will look cute. But they are still purely disgusting things.
Dogs eat grass and then puke because because their stomachs are upset. Grass to a dog is like syrup of Ipecac to us. As for the farting and the squirts, it has something to do with what they ate. Perhaps the upset stoamch and diarrhea are linked. Still, for all their weird behaviors, dogs are the greatest animals on Earth. hands down! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlRQYFsMg6s
This is a wonderful article...the best I have read on Cracked.com. The author is talented and is able to combine factual information with a wonderful sense of humor. I want to hear more from him!
Why do dogs eat grass and then puke and fart and have diarhea for days?
Why do dogs eat grass and then puke and fart and have diarhea for days?
Dogs are Unfortunate Beings.
It means my dog costume is working just as I planned.
What does it mean when my dog is licking and humping my leg at the same time?
Truly fascinating
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy so many people are interested in a partner who is tall??? women want a tall man and men want a tall woman. There are many sites focusing on this kind of relationships such as ~~~~~ www.Tallchat.com/ ~~~~
Dammit I knew most of those already! The one I didn't know, that you haven't answered: What the hell is my dog looking for when he covers the entire yard (or 100 yard radius) when he's looking for someplace to go to the bathroom? Previous scents? Unscented areas? The freshest grass? Help me!
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