Fantasy sports are role-playing games for people who believed they were too cool to get into Magic: The Gathering in high school. For those of us who participate, the draft is both an unofficial holiday and serious business. These three hours determine which carefully constructed roster of talented athletes will be making up for our own woeful athletic shortcomings over the course of the next three months. In theory, it's a pretty tough thing to screw up. But that doesn't stop these guys from trying:
11The Fantasy Veteran
The Fantasy Veteran is constantly explaining to anyone who will listen that football is the most popular fantasy sport because it requires the least amount of skill. He'll reference championships he's won in baseball, basketball and hockey, and will claim that whatever the most obscure sport he's ever played in his "fantasy career" (he'll pretend he's joking when he calls it this) is by far the most fun. He makes everyone else in the league feel a little less alright about themselves by referring to everyone as fantasy GMs, or fantasy owners, and if he's not the commissioner of your league, he's got lots of helpful advice for the poor bastard who is.
The first time anyone makes a pick he disagrees with (this will include approximately all of them) he'll be the first to joke that they might be spending too much time with their girlfriend. He's less likely to mention the connection between his extensive fantasy prowess, and the fact that women describe his general demeanor as rape-y.
10You Stole My Pick Guy
Whereas the Fantasy Vet "can't believe you took Maurice Jones Drew because it's a non-PPR league," this guy can't believe you took Jones Drew ... because he was his very next pick! This guy finds it absolutely mind blowing that two friends using the same finite pool of news and statistics, would end up liking the same elite player. If it's a live draft, he'll be glad to show you his copy of the Top 200 Fantasy Players he printed off of ESPN.com, where he's marked 176 of the names with what looks like a cross between Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphics and a finger painting by a retarded child. Of course, it's tough to feel too much remorse since he grunts and hisses about at least one pick that was stolen from him in each round.