7 True Stories That Prove The Airlines Hate You
It's hard for an industry to be more hated than insurance or telemarketing, but airlines have been trying for decades. Whether it's charging $50 to check one bag or bumping paying customers at a moment's notice, it truly seems like they couldn't give half a damn about their passengers.
Then, on some occasions, they really put in the extra effort to openly make the customers overtly hate them. For example...
#7.
"Sorry, ma'am, but we mishandled your luggage. With fire."
Takeoff:
Everybody who parts with their luggage at the airport does so with a twinge of nerves; afraid their bags will end up in some other city, or that some crazed baggage handler will sneak off to some private room to start trying on their undergarments. So when a United Airlines employee approached Shannon Tadel and asked to speak with her privately about a problem with her luggage, she probably assumed the worst.
We're guessing even by assuming the worst she was not prepared for when the man said that her bags were on fire.
Turbulence:
As it turns out, Shannon's luggage was placed too close to an exhaust port on a belt loader, which was so hot it ignited the bags. She thought it was a prank until the pilot revealed himself to not be Ashton Kutcher and pointed out a Tarmac crew attempting to extinguish her clothing with a fire hose.
To make matters worse, her smoldering, water-logged luggage wouldn't be allowed on the flight. We're not sure if this was some kind of regulation or if they just wanted to see the look on her face.
Crash Landing:
United apparently thought that a first class upgrade was enough of an apology for destroying a bag full of her clothing, and didn't respond to her reimbursement claim. They forced her to jump through many hoops and even dry-cleaned her destroyed clothing to try and lower the amount of the claim.
As usually happens, they kept running her through a maze of bullshit before Tadel went out and got the story made public via the Chicago Tribune. Suddenly United was all about pleasing the customer, becoming very compliant and apologetic, issuing her a check to cover her loss and assuring her that in no way did the public embarrassment factor into their decision to replace the possessions they set ablaze.
#6.
"Either pay up, or leave your infant with me."
Takeoff:
A fairly standard rule in the airline industry is that children under two can fly for free if they can sit in a parent's lap, at least on domestic flights. International flights generally levy a 10 percent charge on the parent's ticket, called a baby fare, we guess for the extra gas it takes to transport a baby.
Probably varies according to size of the baby
Turbulence:
So Brian Burns paid for his tickets to Greece, took his infant son and had a wonderful trip. Then when it was time to return to America, he went to the Athens airport where he was told he'd have to pay a little more to get his child back home.
Crash Landing:
And by a little more, we mean $320. That's how much the fuel surcharge was on the baby ticket that Delta Airlines forced Burns to buy to get his kid on the plane to return home. They had managed to not bring this up when Burns was buying his ticket in America to get to Greece. The options were basically either pay the fare, or dump the child at a Greek orphanage and go back without him.
Though we guess for less than $320 he could probably have just mailed the baby back. Just stick lots of Styrofoam peanuts in there and some jars of baby food...
#5.
One Flight Forward, Two Flights Back.
Takeoff:
AeroMexico Flight 670 was heading nonstop from Mexico City to Seattle when, near their destination, they ran into a bank of fog. They were forced to divert to Portland, in order to get their customers to their connections on time. Never an industry to pass up fucking with non-white customers, the airline made sure this didn't happen.
Turbulence:
To be fair, AeroMexico couldn't control the fact that Portland International Airport didn't have any customs agents available to process their foreign passengers, so they were powerless as their customers sat on the tarmac for four hours, gradually growing more pissed off. In fact, the passengers became so irate that the cops had to show up to keep them on the plane after they realized that they were trapped in the plot of a bad Tom Hanks/Steven Spielberg collaboration.
In light of the escalating situation, and taking into consideration the proximity of the flight's intended destination of Seattle, AeroMexico did the only intelligent and courteous thing it could do: It made them fly the 2,000-plus miles back to Mexico.
Crash Landing:
Oh, also, the flight left without stocking any food. The situation was so offensive that local firefighters literally went to McDonald's and got everybody onboard a hamburger out of pity.
Upon landing back in Mexico City, AeroMexico didn't bother to offer any of the passengers food or hotel vouchers, though they did hand out several coupons for free entrees at T.G.I. Go Fuck Yourself.
#4.
Hyphens Are Confusing, Evil
Takeoff:
Stephanie Pearl-McPhee booked a ticket from Toronto to Florida, arrived at the airport and walked to the ticket counter, all without knowing that her day was about to be ruined by punctuation.
Turbulence:
A keen eye might notice that Stephanie has a hyphenated last name, just like around 10 percent of new brides do. Ms. Pearl-McPhee had actually run into problems before where airlines had missed the hyphen and assumed that Pearl was her middle name. Of course, after showing her passport, the ticket was always corrected. It's not the sort of thing that takes a team of physicists and a supercomputer to figure out.
However, on this trip, the airline decided to screw logic right up the ass, saying that altering her ticket to include the hyphen constituted a name change and thus was against the rules.
Crash Landing:
After arguing through about 15 minutes of this, Pearl-McPhee decided to cancel her original ticket and just buy a new one. The airline informed her that there were no more seats available on the flight. Even though she just opened one by canceling. They presumably couldn't give a seat to this "Stephanie Pearl-McPhee" person because "Stephanie Pearl McPhee" could still show up and demand it back.
This article actually managed to piss me off a little. Seriously, f**k airlines.
ReplyIt may be surprising, but I'm actually ashamed to say that the best service I ever got out of an airline was to and from training where every trip was conducted in ACU's. I get it, I'm a "proud member of our military", but where was the goddamn "5-star" service when I was wearing blue jeans and a generic t-shirt? I was still "a proud member of our military" then, yet I was given the third degree over my belt (which in all fairness, was OBVIOUSLY some sort of WMD meant to take out the plane + half of the state I was traveling to). I get that you want to show that you "support our nation's military personnel", but I don't always fly in military garb...I'm not supposed to. So when I'm given the 3rd degree one trip, and treated like royalty the next, you don't impress me. You make me think you're a kiss-ass of a company.
ReplyPerhaps for the first time, I feel sad after reading a cracked article.
ReplyI don't know, but this made me hate those people responsible for the rest of my life.
ReplyAnd that's why I always try to fly with Lufthanza. I think thats how its spelled..... anyway, its German. And it's actually pretty decent. I've only had one problem with them the four times I've flown with them, and that was in the Parking lot. But they're not usually in America, so I have to take Southwest, Because F**K United.
ReplyIt would've REALLY helped if you had included the dates of these events.
ReplyThis is utter bullshit. People are so paranoid about terrorists that innocent people and children have to be treated like they sniped a bus full of nuns. It's so stupid.
ReplyMaybe there aren't any terrorists, just people who finally snapped from all of the regulations they go through to stop terrorists.
ReplyOMG, you mean non-white people have to pee, too? NOOOOOOOOOOOO, you can't make me believe it!
ReplyAnd behind every one of these "horror" stories, there are hundreds of thousands of flights going off without a single issue. Airlines are a very complicated business, and sometimes s**t happens. And when s**t happens, it's very tough to get everything straightened out. Airports run a very tight schedule, with planes taking off and landing all the time. Combine that with customers who get their tickets declined, overbooked flights and a general lack of information between all the people controlling all that s**t and it can be very difficult to fix even simple problems. If airlines actually took the time to fix all the problems properly, it would mean that the rest of that complicated system would basically have to come to a screeching halt. And while that might solve one customers problem, that creates a problem for all the other customers. You have to remember that you are in fact customers, and that from a purely business standpoint, leaving one customer behind is much better than holding up a whole plane-full of customers so that one can catch up.
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesI honestly do sympathize with the airlines, because on their end they not only have to deal with customers having issues, but they also have to deal with everything else. Customers keep demanding lower prices and better service, and at some point people are gonna have to start opening their wallets more or they're just gonna have to shut up and deal with the occasional hiccup. Does s**t go monumentally wrong sometimes? Yes. But it happens very rarely. So deal with it.
And if you can't deal with it, then get a f*****g bus ticket. Trust me, a two hour flight is so much better than a twelve hour bus ride.
Also, on the topic of luggage, if you really want your luggage to arrive safely then mail it to your destination, and then pick it up when you get there. It's more expensive, but it also has a much higher chance of your luggage ending up in the right place.
Mail my luggage ahead to where? My hotel?
f**k you. I have a right to collect my perfect condition luggage from the destination if the airline is saying "Yes, you can take your lugage on the plane with you, no biggie as long as you follow the baggage restrictions blah and all that." If i comply with all the rules and some dumbfucking baggage handler puts my s**t next to a flaming hot exhaust and my luggage catches fire, the baggage was the handler's responsibility and ultimately, the airline's. And look at #1, both instances, and are you seriously gonna try to defend airlines in that? Yes? f**k You. Try visiting your dying relative only to be f*****g told that some a*****e lost your booking. That last one made me so angry.
So you're basically saying they have the right of providing a perfectly s****y service to their customers while taking their money and giving them the middle finger ?
Technically it seems they can, but they might be worried about, y'know, the questionable sustainability of the "shit on people and make them pay for it" business model .
many of these stories seemed to be based off of selfish and just nonsensical choices of individuals working in high positions for airlines. Number one is saddest I think of all listed here. It wasn't someone trying to take a vacation from their horrible 9-5s but a family in a tough time, trying to deal.
On the topic of luggage, as much as we have to pay for baggage fees now, there is absolutely no excuse for them to lose my bag. None of your points are backed by any kind of intelligence.
Buddy, you must be an absolute nob-jockey to think that that kind of thing is acceptable to do to anybody, let alone someone who is giving you money in return for your rendering goods and services. If you went to McDonalds, paid for a big-mac, and then had your burger randomly snatched out of your hands and given to somebody else for no good reason, would you not be pissed off? now try multiplying your financial loss by 100.
Your job being difficult is not an excuse for you to suck at it.
"Yes I shot an innocent man and his two children despite them pleading for me not to shoot them in front of their already dieing wife/mother...but being a police officer is HAAAAAARRRRRRRRD *foot stomp and pouty face*"
We tried mailing our luggage. FedEx sent it back to the original departing address, and we found out it was never going to reach our destination - after we'd arrived there and waited two weeks for it. We never even got a call.
As for "thousands of good flights per one horror story", I can give you a personal horror story myself. I can definitely give you more than a dozen of friends and families. Maybe ask around, "say, anyone had a flying horror story?" and you might be surprised.
In defense of the ticket clerk, customers lie all the time. Yes, this time her mother really was dying, and it sucks that things worked out the way they did. But there are a lot of selfish assholes who would not hesitate to (falsly) claim something like a dying parent; if they thought it would save them some inconvenience.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesYeah, let's defend the people who just decided to "lose" an entire family's reservations and then lied about the flight being cancelled. Yeah. They are really the people who should have our sympathy.
I agree with Downie - Airlines have a policy of overbooking flights in routine operations, because they know that some people actually aren't going to show up, some will cancel a day or two before, etc.
However, when you book a flight far in advance and show up only to be given a big screw you, then the airline is entirely at fault. It doesn't matter WHY that person claims they need to be on the flight. They booked a ticket; they expect to fly. If you can't get them on the flight that they booked, then you get them on one that will get them there within a close timeframe.
Notice that I didn't say "reasonably", because most airlines' definitions of reasonable do not match most common people's definitions. Or the one in the dictionary.
Stories like these are exactly why people hate the airline industry. What if the person who had needed the flight had been an FBI agent on the trail of a kidnapper? Or a bomber? A CIA agent working to track down a terrorist? What if it had been a world-famous neurosurgeon heading to perform one of the most complex surgeries on a 6 year old kid?
The airline's bottom line in making sure their flights are as full as possible is still not a good enough excuse for simply pushing people off of flights and then telling them to go f**k themselves because they overbooked them.
effyoo isn't defending the airline as a whole, just the ticket clerk.
@WillL: honestly, in your examples, they would rent a private plane don't you think?
Note how TWO incidents happen with United - aka the most heartless, effed up airline in America. Every single time I've ever flown with United, I've had problems, including a 12 hour delay while they continued to tell us "it would just be twenty more minutes," forcing all of us to stay in the gate area for fear of being left behind. Oh, and yeah, that claim was totally ignored.
ReplyNever fly United. I start out every airline story with that tagline...
I flew United to Orlando from DC and was told that I couldn't have a glass of wine because "I looked too young". Even when my license said I was 25. They said they couldn't serve me because I looked young and the dumb cu*t flight attendant "thought" my lisence was a fake. Eff you, United. Five years later flying ACROSS THE ATLANTIC on a United plane they forgot to load the booze. ALL of the booze. Try sitting in steerage on what seemed to be the transatlantic leg of the International Collicky Baby Convention without a rum and coke.
Eff you so hard, United.
Fly British Airways, they'll treat you like the mongrel savages you are with bluntness and honesty to the extent that you'd be proud to plump your unworthy bottoms and eat cold tapas that's been left to saturate in air conditioning fluid.
Replysounds great
At least BA is reliable.
This story makes me want to do something in an airport that will shift the suspicion to dorky, pale skinny white girls with glasses.
ReplyThat's hot.
It's ironic that Audey said something so nasty and got seven likes and Klokinator said the cleaned up version of what everyone was thinking and he got two dislikes. Evidently perverted comments need to have a certian amount of nastiness to be liked.
Oh man, these stories make me think United and other airlines must be absolutely retarded. Especially the stories of the family of the dying man and the Indian doctor piss me off.
ReplySeriously United, and now continental are the shittiest airline I have ever booked. No exaggeration, I have to pay the same price if I take ANA, or any other airline, but they just aggressively suck. Rude, culturally clueless, hopelessly outdated planes, general incompetence, and never showing up on time? Welcome to United, where they realize you vaguely had a choice in air travel, but didn't have an extra grand lying around, or had to be there at a certain time, so they fucked you every way that they possibly could. Seriously these morons shouldn't be in the air, they can't even put lunch together.
United sucks. Last time I tried to fly united it was a trip from Spokane, Wa to Denver. From Denver I was supposed to take a flight to NYC for a trip with a family member.
The plane in Spokane was mysteriously "broken" and was delayed.... Thanks united.
My dad had recently gone to a conference and the plane next to his was on fire. So they had to get off the plane and were delayed. f**k united.
My name gets misspelled all the time. Because the Office People (I like to imagine they are a race of cyborgs grown in giant vats of bubbling green liquid) are illiterate morons. I'm Polish, but the English equivalent of my usual conversation with an Office Person would be something like this:
ReplyOP: "And what's your last name?"
ME: "House."
OP: "House? Like, the building?"
ME: "Yes, exactly."
OP: writes down "Howze"
Never gets old.
You're clearly used to the non-American ejukation system that has standards and certain expectations of its students, like the ability to spell.
I was Howse before I was married. I feel your pain, buddy.
Fortunately I have never had problems with the fact that my name is always misspelled in the ticket. It seems that US airlines are too stupid to understand that half of the continent uses two surnames.
ReplyUse a boat? Also why you goin there ? we got pigs here too...i took my car to mexico, and maybe someday airples will be legal, lol 500 hp car could fly ez with wing n prop, coudl fly in the lane. also thrust vectorin and hoverin with wintel
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesWhat the f**k were you trying to say!? This is pure English illiteracy
*going *some day *and *could *vectoring(?) *hovering *replace whole message with something that makes sense
So let's say I want to go to Florida, I live in colorado. Taking a boat would be a f*****g stupid idea.
Or the greatest idea ever?
It would take a fairly long time to go down the Colorado river, down to Panama and back up again to Florida.
that's why i'll never go travel by plane. this and because the tickets here are too expensive. (converting to dollars, the price is about 2300 dollars one ticket.).by the way, i'm not american.
ReplyAnd nobody gives a shit.
That's what it is for everybody.
I just read the airport security article before this one and now I'm pissed off. f*****g airports/airlines.
Reply